Sex Chat Sites

SIGH! Sadly I suspect some guys on Tinder do that.
I DON'T mention being lonely and I DO get told i'm hot etc. (though they could be lying.) But there are guys who chat to me a lot, sometimes for a long time, but never meet and I strongly suspect they do EXACTLY that, they wank to the chat (even though it's not sexual?!) But in a way I find that more annoying than the sex chat, cos sometimes I DO want to meet those guys. One of them in the photos is so hot but sadly I think I'm just jerk-off fodder to him. What I mean is, it's annoying when you actually ARE on there to MEET people, to date.

Some of those girls might have really liked you, PLEASE don't do it again.

We women have feelings too, you know

Maybe that needy girl is crying on the inside and you are lifting up her hopes and dashing them on the rocks.
SIGH lucky hot girls :-(
Bet you actually MEET THEM!
Sorry,venting, my online dating experience SUCKS, even though I average a first date a month.

Plus, I've done some horrible things myself in the name of fap so in NO WAY am I judging you or anyone here!!

 

I will make a list for 2017 for sure.

I live in a small town and the internet offered me a chance to meet girls. I did actually found some interesting(intelligent) people online but forums is probably better for that. I think nost females on dating sites just want attention(dopamine rush), people should meet more IRL instead of using social media.

My brother told me he had matched with hundreds of girls on tinder and not a single one of then turned out to be good.

Well if you are successfull in life you will get female attention for sure, it does not really make sense to waste tine chasing girls instead of improving your life.

 

I'm 32. In very good shape. Have a decent body. I found a video chat room that required registration. I registered, checked it out and was hooked instantly.
The guys always outnumber the girls, but I could often get the girls attention because of my body. The thrill of jerking off while a girl somewhere else in the world smiles at you... it's a crazy rush. Much more addictive for me than traditional porn.
I pretty much quit traditional porn. It's like I graduated from weed to meth or something.
The biggest problem is how much time I'd waste if there were no girls in the chat room. I'd just wait, for hours. And then more hours.
I'm here, in this forum now, because of video chat rooms.

I wasted so much time... sigh.

 

Chat rooms are different to online dating as there is normally the intention to meet IRL. The chat room I used, people would want to meet IRL too but that never happened. Going that step of acting on it IRL was a step of no return and would have destroyed our marriage.Thankfully, it seems like my Wife makes that distinction too.. it's not "real". It's still bad however.

For you Tesslynne, I might say that the whole idea of online dating has mixed with chatrooms and could possibly be corrupted unless you're able to put strict rules in place about how you use online Dating.
See if there are any social nights in your city or go with a Dating site that is specifically geared towards arranging dates IRL. I don't know your personal circumstances...maybe I'm completely wrong about you but something about the analogue life may actually help you if you live in a densely populated area. I hope you find someone you can connect with

 

Yea, the internet is amazing like that. It's like a blank slate that can be used anyway you want. Sadly our society is craving intimacy on so many levels and it's corrupted by things like this.

As for success- that's not a tangible thing and it's definition is different to each individual. Making changes today that impact your future is success IMO. Learning something new is a success.. gaining new skills or qualifications is a success.. donating time at a soup kitchen is a success.

 

One of the women here said something like yeah, how much time got wasted looking for exactly the right kind of chat or exactly the right kind of erotica to get us off. And all the other things we could have been doing instead. And it's so true, what a time suck!

 

I do sometimes go to meetup groups, but I might make more effect in 2017 to go to some singles ones. It puts me off how some say "cocktail dresses" (for the women!) or "dress to impress" so I won't go to stuff like that, it's not me. but not all events are like that. I DO live in a densely populated city now.

 

The thing is though, when I go to meetup groups and karaoke, I don't tend to see guys I fancy.
I don't know WHERE the men I like in my city hang out apart from Tinder, bars or occasionally on the train maybe in gyms (which i can't currently afford) but I would really LOVE to know! I hope they are not all too busy drinking and fapping their lives away, anyway I don't want a man like that anyway!

Plus a lot of singles groups have dating by age which is annoying cos I want a younger guy. But not all of them do.

So, that's part of --- that's a BIG HUGE part of why I turned to online dating. But I'm getting really fed up with it. In my case and in this city (London, UK) anyway, so many guys try to push for hookups right away.

I also get exhausted from my work as a teacher (teaching in the UK is just so full on and it doesn't end when the kids go home, I've often worked 10-12 hour days, including commuting.) So it's hard to push myself to go out to ANYTHING and easy to hermit myself away and let life become work and sleep and relax....and then I get lonely and depressed!

So I am gonna be pushing myself to go out more in 2017.

And also talk to people more. I want to polish up my social skills heaps too with anyone. A bonus of that might be, when I DO see someone I fancy, it might be easier for me to actually start a conversation with him. Whether that happens or not, I want to make new friends and meetups and things can be fun and enjoyable

 

I would recommend going out with one of your friends for a night on the town. How about sussing out with friends or colleagues where the guys are at? Perhaps there are other social circles you're a part of you could probe for information on single guys etc. Why not just start with no intention other than wanting to have a conversation. Work on the art of conversation (and there is one ).. There are blog and youtube vids on this stuff and whilst I don't recommend copying them exactly, its worth watching to get some pointers.

Yea- the dating scene for you would be hard during school months.. How about when you're on school break?

There are sites like e-harmony which are geared to making a match and meeting IRL. Yes, it's internet dating but seems to be more about relationships than just getting it on. It could be a good solution for you given your time pressed lifestyle for months of the year.

Keep us posted with how you go!

 

Welcome, you're in a similar situation to a lot of us. This is a great first step.
It can be very addictive, the rush of not knowing who you're going to meet...Have a read through the previous posts here I ranted about how much of a time waster it is too hehe..

Now go and get K9 Web filter, lock yourself out of random video chat etc and give the account information to someone you can trust
It's time to put in place strategies to re-tune your brain!

 

Thanks for the suggestion, but I'm not going to take it... When I previously tried quitting P I would install those blockers... and then justify to myself that anything I could find while using them was okay. It's ridiculous but we all have our quirks. I just have to man up and stay away from the sites.
Thanks though!

 

I'm not at school, but I'm actually a teacher! (of little kids.) I don't have friends because I got so busy with work I lost them :-( But I am working on re-building my social life too. I know this sounds silly, but I'm scared if I go out with girls to suss out the guys that all the guys would go for my friends, anyway? So I want a male wingman, not female ones!

"hy not just start with no intention other than wanting to have a conversation. Work on the art of conversation (and there is one ).. There are blog and youtube vids on this stuff and whilst I don't recommend copying them exactly, its worth watching to get some pointers."

I love this idea and I am going to look it up!

I was on plenty of fish and ok cupid but with normal dating sites, anyone can contact you and I hated rejected guys I didn't fancy!
(And, yes guys say don't be so fussy, but yet guys are allowed to go for whatever girl they like? and encouraged to!)

When it is school holidays, yes I can make an extra effort

Thank you for your kind advice, I really appreciate it!

 

I've wondered about blockers too but I'd probably find a way around them - to still find stuff LOL!

 

haha.. Yes- that's what I meant! I have friends who teach and they say the only time they get a real break is when they're on "school holidays" ..

As for wingmen/girls- that's entirely up to you! .. It's not silly.. you know yourself and what you want. You can design your own social setting that you think will work best for you when you're out.. or adapt to the situation you're put int ..

You're welcome for the advice- I hope it helps!

 

Fair enough ... it's a paradigm shift but sometimes by using a blocker that works very well- it can remove the temptation altogether. It's working for me.. I basically listed all the specific sites I was tempted to use and locked myself out of them by giving the admin account control to someone I trust with my life. My Wife!
As for "manning up" .. You're a Man. Just be disciplined but I would strongly urge you to consider using a decent filter like K9 and block out those specific sites.

All it can take is a moment of weakness and you're back. Your brain is addicted to the dopamine rush you get from doing this and it's pretty hard to fight it at times. I would fight it was months at a time- not visit a page and then one day, I would hit a trigger and back back there and the cycle would start again.
This is just my personal experience, if you honestly don't think that's you- I'm really happy to hear that. If deep down you know you could end up back there then consider implementing strategies that will help you snap out of it when you're at your weakest moments.

 

I never felt like a had a masturbation problem until I discovered social webcam sites. I used to just fap to porn when I had spare time and it didn't really occupy any significance in my life. Then when I discovered sites where you chat and cam everything changed. Abs, tattoos, sizable anatomy and quick wit landed me at the top of the heap and I quickly became addicted to chatting and "performing" for women on webcam. In my real life, I'm a married guy with a normal job, but in on the chat/cams sites, I was a single guy who had an exciting job and women bought into it completely. It felt so empowering to seduce women and watch them get so excited over me, but it was absolutely terrifying to feel powerless over my ability to control myself from doing it more and more and more. I work alone all day in my own office building, and work become me just chatting all day, every day. I wasn't even horny to start each day - I'd log in the sites as if pulled by some unseen force. I'd be on for hours just chit chatting and wasting away the day. Sometimes it felt like real dating and at times I'd develop what felt like real emotions for some women. But when I boil it down it was always really just about me masturbating. Remember, dopamine isn't a chemical of pleasure, it's a chemical of anticipation. That's why the novelty effect is so important to the manufacture of dopamine - it's the anticipation of someone/something new. Is something sexual going to develop here? You get that rush of dopamine. Eventually you don't even want the climax, you just want the dopamine. To me, it's not all that sexy to see some random woman's V. What I craved was the look in their eyes when I knew they WANTED me - when I knew I had them hooked. I would lie to them to keep things moving forward. I'd say whatever I thought they wanted to hear. It was like I was in a trance and during that trance my actions didn't feel like they had real-life consequence. I was like a guy picking his nose while waiting at the traffic light, oblivious that everyone can see him. There were co-dependent women who would fall in love the day they met me online. There were other women who took weeks of online "dates" before anything sexual would occur. When I was online and in the trance, everything was great - I was this sexy and hilarious single guy who had women fawning for him, but the moment I got offline, reality would crash over me and I was sick. The guilt and shame of all the lying, to my wife and to the women online, the disgust at my behavior, the anxiety of not being able to stop even though I knew it was terrible. I felt like a sociopath and began to wonder just how deep and demented I really was. The anxiety began to build and well up inside of me until I began to have panic attacks almost daily. I lost my ability to compartmentalize my behavior and was now living in a waking nightmare. I don't know how else to say it - my brain was FUCKED UP. I had been edging most days for 8 hours and some days for all hours that I was awake.

I did manage to turn things around. I haven't been on a webcam for a year and I haven't fapped for 117 days. My depression and anxiety are gone. My confidence has returned. I'm a good and loving husband. Removing chat/cams/P from my life was like peeling an onion. It happened in layers and many of the decisions I made felt extremely painful and difficult at the time. I've learned though that the most painful decisions are the most beneficial. I don't have porn filters on my computers, but I no longer have a backup/spam email account, and I had to disable the PM feature of my NoFap profile to keep myself from being tempted while on here. My only email account is my real first and last name, which I would never use for fap activity.

I just want to let everyone know that reboot is real - it's truly possible and I'm living proof. You do have to face your deepest and scariest fears in order to have success though. But once you do, the benefits that unfold give your life true meaning and value. You just cannot find that online no matter how many people you chat with or how late you stay up.

I wish every one of you the success it takes to legitimately reboot. You can change your thinking. It will improve your life I promise you. But you have to stop. You have to. Best of luck to all.

 

Oh my God. This is the most kind thing you could have posted. I have been so scared and anxious and depressed.

I feel as though the guilt will never go away. My brain wants me to think this nofap thing will never lead to absolution, or even to real change.

You're absolutely right. It has to stop, and I did get to a point where I realized it. I'm on Day 22 now, my brain is feeling a little better but every so often I start to feel so awful.

I have ever been working very hard on myself, going out therapy, making friends, getting my SO to help me stay strong.

I would be willing to endure these awful feelings forever, if just to remain in control.

Your post gives me hope that I may get to the point that I'm in control and my brain doesn't attack me with bad feelings anymore.

I know I need to forgive myself for my previous behavior, but I need to work on feeling like I deserve it first. The biggest thing I have to work on is feeling like I belong as part of the world.

If you check out my journal you'll see I'm making progress!

Anyway I'm basically rambling now. Thank you for the post. I can't wait to be fully rebooted and I can't wait to let go of this guilt and enjoy my new life.

 

Thank you for your inspiring story. I needed to read this tonight. I've been PMO free for 23 days but I relapsed into random sex this week. It's been terrible, and definitely disrupted my reboot.

Strength and Light, did you tell your wife about everything? Did you tell her about some of it, but leave out details? It's been a couple months, how are you doing??

 

Thanks for the kind words Nicky and for checking up on me. Sorry to hear about the relapse. How are you doing now?

I didn't tell her everything. She knew I wasn't present mentally before I started having the anxiety attacks. Right before I began NoFap I sat her down on several occasions and apologized for all of my selfish behavior and neglect of her. She knew I was in therapy and working on myself. For me PMO/Cyber was just another symptom of a lifelong battle with depression and anxiety about the suicide of my dad when I was 2. I told her everything about what I have been battling inside about that and how that has affected my entire life and how I avoided emotions and used things to cope emotionally, but I didn't specifically cite porn or cybersex. I've since had conversations with her about how my feelings about sex have been messed up but that it's something I'm actively working on.

I don't really have any valid excuse for not being completely honest with her. I'm just completely afraid of losing my wife and daughter, which are the center of my universe. I am not dedicated to keeping it a secret, and I will not actively lie to hide my past. Of course I am lying by omission, so sometimes I do wrestle with that. In all likelihood there will be a time when I cross that bridge. And I know how these things work - it will be before I'm "ready", because you can never be ready for something like that. I've read accounts here both for and against telling your SO. I've always wanted to get a firm footing with PMO-abstinence before I made any hard decision about that. I'm on Day 170something now, so I suppose the decision about crossing that bridge will be coming up within the next 6 months, year, tomorrow? Today? I don't know.

One thing I can tell you for certain is that I am living a sincerely happy, satisfied life without porn and masturbation. I spent most of last week consciously thinking about how grateful I am to be where I am today, with a loving family and friends, and really being able to feel this sort of joy emotionally for the first time. Of course not everyday is like that, but most are. Some days I am still learning to feel and process negative emotions. Those days are difficult, but still not as difficult as living in the nightmare I was in.

Reboot is real. It absolutely is. If there is anything I can do to help you please let me know.