Yes, I used to be a people pleaser and didn't even realize that it does me harm than anything. People pleasing is a very strange bad thing, It made think that people can read my emotions and what I want or not want by just looking me in the eyes. It has connections with my childhood were it used to work and I thought I figured out life, 'just give people what they want and you shall get wah you want too, even if it's at your expense'. Boy was I wrong, I'm glad I found out about nofap because it made me realize where my real problem was. Porn is not my problem, porn was a way to try and cure my problem...It could have been anything; drugs, food, alcohol but I fell for porn. People pleasing left me used up, a pushover, a nobody, codependent on external matters for happiness. This feeling will come along with the thoughts of what are people thinking about me when I do something, Oh My God I have to help and people their needs are my problems. This then leaves in a bad emotional state which I'll try to fix by PMO. It still haunts me cause it's a habit that I'm used to, but I'm got somewhere and I'm going somewhere. Life is better now, it's now clearer what life should be like to be. I have needs that I need to meet first it at all I like helping out. If you're out there with the same problem, think about this for while. You too have needs you have to meet before you help the next person.
It can be very damaging to your confidence, not knowing how to say NO when you really want to. I'm 38 and I still have issues with this. I think the best thing is to go out, socialize and meet new people. Over time you will form new boundaries and say what you really feel. It will take time. Not knowing how to say NO, happened at a very young age. Your boundaries got messed up when you were a child. The way you pleased you family and friends when you were a kid, was to do things you didn't want to do but did them anyway. Your brain is still forming and shaping at the age of 0-8 years old. It shaped in the wrong way and that is why your struggling to say no. Talk to 5 new strangers a day. Don't worry about rejection. Learn to talk and socialize. Over time you will know how to say no. It can take up to a 1 or 2 years to make these changes, but it will all be worth it : )
Thanks for the support, I appreciate it. I'm working on this and I don't plan on going back because now I feel alive since I have started saying no and setting boundaries, it's hard but it the end I feel the good I have done for myself. I have always felt that people's emotions or problems are my problems too, I don't know why I just felt like it's the right thing to do. But I thank God I found out the truth that was that was hidden from me and hearing from you really encourages me to stand up for myself. It's like you can see my life, I don't socialize that much. I will take on the challenge, 5 new strangers a day...but the problem is I don't like talking about the weather, I like deep meaningful conversations like why do we exist and it's hard for me to start one with stranger at least for now but uhm challenge accepted
I have also just started being more assertive and honest about my motivations, and have found that not only am I generally happier for being able to do so, but most people seem to be responding well to it. A good friend should respect the honesty and your own desires over their wish to do something with you - ultimately their goal is for both people to get what they want, and if it's only one of you then they want it to be you. It's important to reciprocate this too.
Dope!! I always had this fear of people being angry at me and not fulfilling their needs but now things are clearer, I know how life worls and I got no strings now
This honestly is laudable! I have suffered from this intensely when it comes to my own life but more especially, my spiritual path. I have held back from my own health and healing due to fear of alienating myself from others. Thanks for your courage! It is inspiring me to get back to work.
Sure thing man Glad I helped. Its like I've just woken from a dream ey, I'm asking myself this question everyday "Who Am I"...trying to work on my self you hard, its hard but I'm looking forward meeting my authentic self.
Glad I found it sooner than later, most men in the No More Mr. Nice Guy book are quite old and married and I can only imagine the misery they been through. Just the pill I needed. I got into an argument yesterday with a girl, she was shaming me for something I failed to do. Some part of me said yeah she is right, how can you but I didn't like it and told her anyway. She later apologized and said she was not thinking right. Normally I would have shut up and agreed but I'm glad I took this red pill
Thanks for the advice man, but where can I find an audiobook? This is now my bible man, I need it everywhere I am however I can get the Knowledge from it.
If you have an iPhone you can get the audiobook in the Apple store iBooks section. Here's a free PDF of the whole book you can read.
