Hey y’all. I’m about 10 days no PMO and I feel incredible. I feel very mindful and connected to this goal and to my reboot. I feel connected to my body and I want to let any urges be directed toward real sex with my partner. So far I’m thankful for it really not being too difficult - which is incredibly surprising to me because I was wayyyyyyyy down the rabbit hole for most of my life. But I feel great, am already feeling amazing benefits and am excited to keep going. My question is this - my partner and I are very open with our sexuality together. I won’t go into details as to avoid being triggering, but we play a lot of games and play fantasy together, we have even used P together in the past. My goal in this whole thing is to not sit around PMO-ing to a screen (in some past instances 5 to 6 times a night) but what are the thoughts on using P with my partner if it’s something we both enjoy/connect over. I realize the slippery slope that looms here, but let’s say if avoiding that and keeping real sex with my partner at the forefront of priority - is P with my partner (only on occasion) a bad thing? Appreciate any insight on this. Thank you!
I have similar questions. While my wife and I don’t use P together we’ve engaged in certain kinks together which have been a lot of fun, and we also practice a form of non monogamy that’s allowed me to visit certain professionals who engage in pretty extreme kink. my thought on it is it depends on the extent to which it ends up affecting you in your relationship. For me, I’m focused on giving up porn and masturbation because it’s led to me having an unhealthy obsession with sex, but also a lot of ED and performance anxiety issues that have caused our sex life to deteriorate. If I were able to address those things but still partake in the kinks we’ve enjoyed together or with others then I’d consider my goals accomplished. I feel the same can apply to occasional porn watching if you both enjoy it, don’t abuse it, and it adds to the sexual satisfaction of you and your partner. But that’s the key. If it’s not benefiting your real intimacy then it shouldn’t be part of your life.
everyone needs to define sobriety for themselves. But take a hard look at what those needs to be, what you're really trying to fix and what will get there
The problem with watching porn with your wife or partner is that eventually, you will want to watch it every time you have sex, otherwise the sex will start to seem rather boring. Also, by watching porn together you risk introducing new kinks into your relationship that might seem like a little harmless fun at the time, but may not be a good for your relationship in the long run. So my advice is to not do it, porn really has no redeeming qualities or benefits.
I’d figure the problem could be that watching it together may make you wanna watch it on your own too, and almost validate you doing so because you already do it together. Does your partner know you feel like you need to stop?
Keep in mind what you are going for. If it is to reshape your reward cycle than it's maybe better to avoid watching P in any setting. But if you're feeling healthy about the processes inside your mind and your goal is just to reduce or control the frequency of use, it's maybe an option.
Similar situation here, I'm still trying to kick p0rn but sometimes my wife and I watch it during sex - it completely ramps up her sex drive and wetness to another level! I don't know, men can definitely do without it and get aroused easily, but when women watch p0rn it sends them into a frenzy. And ngl, I love seeing her like that!
Why use P when you and your partner can do it “live?” porn is like eating McDonalds when you can go to a steak house.
So then the question is What is it in the P that makes her horny/sexual and how to create that same arousal w/o P?
If you and your partner need pornography to have sex you are porn addicted so leave porn. If you are porn addicted and your partner brings porn in bed to 'spice things' stop it.
This will sound prudish, I'm sure, but I have to laugh at the open-minded title people put on their relationship when what they're essentially doing is leaving their relationship exposed to degrading behavior. Has anyone here seen a P that is not degrading? It seems degrading is a key component to what makes something P in the first place, so maybe you should ditch it. Believe it or not, boundaries actually are a good thing and provide identity. The boundaries in a basketball game provide it with its identity. Could you imagine someone saying they don't believe in calling fouls because they want their basketball game to be more open-minded? That's what it sounds like when you say you have an open-minded relationship. P is based in fantasy, so it makes sense she can't find in her real life partner what she can find in fantasy land. Telling him to be more like the P is degrading to him, just as it would be for him to put that standard on her. Ditch the fantasy and connect to reality. If they can't do that, then they should just ditch each other.
