Question for an SO.

Does she know about your PA, and is she aware of your recovery efforts? If she knows everything, then try to talk to her about your concerns, and reassure her that the PIED is not her fault or because of anything she's been doing wrong. Also, let her know how your recovery is going. Ask her to tell you when she feels ready to try again.

If she doesn't know about any of it, you really should tell her. She likely blames herself for the PIED and feels like she isn't good enough to satisfy you. Most SO's feel this way when they're unaware of the real problem, and many continue to feel that way even after they know. You have to be open and honest with her and try to help her understand the problem is not because of her.

 

I think it's great that you have been honest with her about it. By doing so, you have avoided a whole different set of issues that are just as difficult to deal with (or actually even more difficult) as the PIED. However, I think it's very possible that she could still have some insecurities about herself in relation to the PIED, even perhaps subconsciously. As an SO myself, I know how hard it is to not take any of it personally no matter how much you're told it isn't your fault. I hope she doesn't have those feelings, but more often than not, that's how it goes.

Just continue being open and honest with her, and stay committed to your recovery. Things should work out eventually, but it may take some time for her to work through her own part of the process.