Psychosis

I'm sorry did not mean to negate anything. Still i do not believe that nofap is the cause for mental disorder.

 

I hear you bro. Your story is your story. I am a psychosis specialist and however you see it is how it is. People struggle to understand psychosis as it is such a complex and individual thing.

Every persons underlying vulnerabilities are different. Everyone's triggers are different.

No one can tell you how or why you developed psychosis. You may never know or you may think that certain things caused it. Its your story and it is valid and true to you.

I have worked with hundreds of young people with psychosis and no two are the same. Own it.

My advice to you is don't isolate yourself. We know this makes psychosis worse, and or triggers relapse.

Dont put yourself in stressful situations. Try and find calming social interaction and connection with others.

If nofap is causing you too much stress try being less hard on yourself without going too hard. Im not saying go back to pmo just dont pitch yourself against others who do not suffer with your mental illness. Its harder for you than most.

I have no doubt you will make it on your nofap journey just be gentle with yourself. Practice good self care, meditation, good sleep hygiene and eat well.

Good luck. I am here if you need to talk to someone who understands your condition.

 

I read your journal. It is very sad. I have no doubt that the sexual abuse from your brother would have been one of the causes of your psychosis. It would have been very traumatizing.

When victims of continued and ongoing abuse try and cope with what is essentially unbearable the brain can turn it into pleasure as a way of coping. It is a survival mechanism.

Just because you experienced sexual pleasure doesn't mean you enjoyed it on a spiritual level. It was still traumatizing you even when your brain fooled you into thinking it was pleasure.

In turn to deal with the trauma your mind turned these things into sexual fantasy. You have had to endure the unbearable but your unconscious mind has made it bareable by turning it into a sexual fantasy which you can control. PMO is self comforting for most and even more so for you as you can control the trauma of your past.

When you abstained from PMO your unconscious mind could no longer defend against the trauma deep within you as PMO fantasy was your minds main degence against the trauma. It would have caused considerable stress.

Stress can be the trigger to psychosis when there is an underlying vulnerability. Your abuse was the vulnerability. I also believe from what you have written that you are suffering with PTSD which can also impact on psychosis.

It is very difficult to get families to understand psychosis of a loved one. Often it is dismissed ir trivialized as you say your sister does. She is likely fighting her own demons from growing up in an abusive home.

Her main defense against the pain may be denial. She also appears to be scapegoating you which is common to most families we see in these situations. Basically you end up taking the blame for all the problems in your family because tthy can't or won't address the abuse that has occured. We all have different ways of processing trauma.

This is only my opinion not your story. I hope it helps in some way with the difficult feelings you are now experiencing. Wish I could take it away from you.

In the uk services we run family therapy for psychosis which use psycho education and a trauma based model for therapy to help. I dont know if you have this where you are but if you private pm me your state/country I could find out.

 

Look. Read this please. I can only speak to you from my own experience, and i do not claim to know you and what is going on or what caused your psychosis, trauma, abuse or nofap. But i can tell you one thing 1000% sure: Substance abuse is to be STOPPED. The thought that nofap caused your psychosis may be legit after reading your link you posted, but putting this thought before stopping any hallucinogenic substances, or like ANY drugs, except coffee & cigarrettes, is wrong.

Again, i don't claim to know whats going on, and if you already stopped using drugs and abusing substances of any kind, and still got psychosis, i could understand how you come to the conclusion that nofap caused your psychosis. If not: STOP DRUGS NOW.

 

No weed amphetamine lsd or whatelse since then?

 

No no no. It is not "only" weed. Stop smoking weed altogether. Blaming nofap for psychosis, but smoking weed at the same time is fooling yourself. I HAD psychosis caused by weed, 13 years ago. Never smoked weed since then. Please believe me, i am not anti-drug or something, on the contrary. But weed can cause psychosis, i know that because i experienced it. Do yourself a favor and stop weed altogether. You must do that believe me. All the best.

 

And i am almost sure the doc who prescribed you anti-psychotic medication told you the same, if you told him you smoke weed. Ask any psychiatrist, he will tell you that smoking weed and psychosis is linked to each other.

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2811144/

 

Preciv., you have a lot going on. When you start with that kind of abuse, then move alone to another country, add bipolar, psychosis, and marijuana, then top it off with moving back in with family, where sister wants to run your life, you needed a long walk in the park.
You are awesome, and you are stressed. Even if it felt good in the moment, you do not want PMO in that mix. It would just prolong the suffering and postpone healing. Stay strong.
Pm me if you think there might he anything I could do to help.

 

Honestly, as someone with severe anxiety and depression who worries about losing touch with reality a lot, this scares the shit out of me. I suppose there are some individuals who are sensitive to psychosis anyway, and when faced with quitting an addiction, it might be triggered. Good luck and strength to you! I suppose the best thing you (and me as well) can do is find ways to make withdrawal easier. Excercise, go outside often, try to stay social, etc.

 

My Nofap story;
When I started NoFap (week 1-3) I at first got extremely confident and horny.
I just approached girls in shopping malls and asked for their 'snapchats' and stuff.
In about week 2 girls started to get very attractive to me, very attractive, almost obsessed. Mostly younger girls (14 - 16), they could just stand in front of me and stair. It was almost unpleasant haha. After about 3-4 weeks the flatline started and people started to 'push me down' verbally and laugh at me etc, I didn't feel like a man at all. This was extremely tough, even family members "were against" me. No one listen to what I said and gave me any respect. This kind of flatline continued for about 2 weeks than the really really weird stuff started to happen. My voice went up and down (from light to super dark), my voice could change and be super dark for just about 5 minutes then go back to my normal -relatively light voice. This was happening for about a week or two. Than the up and downs stopped and my voice just got a little bit darker permanently. I also got extremely emotional and cried very easily to movies and even to music. My eyes got super shiny, bright and light green, they were like almost glowing. I started to enjoy the nature and took some forest walks, not my style usually. I live nearby a "free Zoo", with like sheeps, pigs, goats etc. I entered it and the animals started to behave really strange. One pig wanted like to fight with me, 'he' was behaving like a bull but when we got eye contact the pig just went in to his small hut where the other pigs were. I guess he was the alpha male and wanted to show him off. Same with the goats, at first the small young goats went like crazy and went to the fence and wanted to approach me. I just gave them some leafs and then I got a super strong weird feeling in my stomach. Like someone was squeezed me. I started to walk and then I saw a goat (not really sure if they were goats but something like that) staring me right into my eyes. It was really weird and I got a "pushing" feeling in my body and I just continued walking. After a couple of minutes of walk after this incident I got attacked by bees, I was just walking on a small walking street so pretty weird that they started to attack me. I needed to start to run, so I ran for about a minute and got away from the bee attack. Everything can just be an coincidence but everything was so weird.
I now started to get extremely much respect from people around me and much attention from girls. I felt like a man. But I got extremely much emotions and that triggered me to think more. And I started to think that I need to be good. And my first step to get 'good' was to quit drinking alcohol etc. I decided to book a flight to Bangkok, Thailand and a train ticket up to the north of Thailand. My plan was to go up to Chiang Mai and to some animal charity and stay for a while. From nowhere the day before my flight I see the bible in my grandparents bookshelf and I decided to take it with me. I went on the plane to Bangkok, and sat beside a couple from Poland (I'm from Sweden btw) and I sat holding the bible in my hands the whole flight (12 hours). I started to try to communicate by telepathy with the polish couple and I believed that I succeed with the male. It was really weird. We didn't speak at all during the whole flight but when we arrived and we stood up in the plane we shook hands. I don't really know why we did that. Anyway; I left the flight with the bible in my hand and had not read mor then a few pages of it. I took a taxi to my hotel in Bangkok and ate and went to bed. When I woke up I felt good, I took a shower, read some pages of the bible and went out for some food. I went to a big shopping mall and I suddenly believed that everyone was looking at me and felt extremely uncomfortable with that. I sat in a restaurant and I left to a toilet. I stayed in that bathroom for about an hour before I hade the courage to go out and "see all people looking" at me. That was the boom, the psychosis 'exploded' and continued for about 3-4 days until a hospital got hold of me. I remember about 50% from these 3-4 days and I totally lost touch with reality. The hospital gave in Bangkok medicated me and I got a little bit of reality back, I was still a bit psychotic but could somehow understand that the psychotic thoughts wasn't real. I can continue this story much longer but you get it. I am 26 years old and this was last year during april - june. The doctors can not give me an diagnosis because they can not figure out what is 'wrong' with me. I am not completely recovered yet and eating medication. Without the medication my brain gets stressed and I can barely talk or think. After the psychosis I was at the hospital for 3 months and I couldn't speak and think properly. One day they gave me a Benzodiazepine; Clonazepam and my brain started to work enough for me to speak and think again. So since last year I been daily on Clonazepam.
All of this happened because of nofap. I quit fapping+sex (hardmode) after daily fapping for about 14 years. That changed the chemistry in my brain so I ended up in a psychosis. My brain produced to much dopamine and that also gave me a testosterone boost. Ah fuck, my hands are tired.... I will tab in with more coming. But, yes -NoFap can cause a psychosis. You are not alone.

 

You have come up with a diagnosis even though the doctors couldn't. Maybe you are still in psychosis! Please take care.