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Potential Trigger - Scent of Wife/SO?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Colin the Librarian, Jan 16, 2018.

  1. Colin the Librarian

    Colin the Librarian Fapstronaut

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    First off - I discovered these forums a few days ago, soon after I started my first hard reboot. Thank you for being here and being awesome.

    I'm 47 years old and have been in a celibate marriage for the last 11 years. My wife and I both entered the relationship knowing the disparity in sex drive (me high and her low) and I was open with her that I would PMO. She was OK with that - albeit, I think, as a way of both keeping me and managing her misplaced sense of responsibility for a low libido

    Anyways, fast track to now. We are still crazy in love w/out sex (which is interesting in itself) but I have recently unilaterally decided to hard reboot. This is for me (increased energy, self esteem etc.) her (because I think my PMO quietly wore her down) and our relationship (I want her to be my one true love)

    So far so good. My hard reboot is bringing us even closer together in subtle and lovely ways - my wife isn't a verbal communicator so I pick the signs up in other ways.

    Which finally brings me to the point of this post. Over the years of sharing a life and bed I've noticed a pattern. I used to go PMO-crazy once a month. 25/35-times-in-a-week-crazy. I eventually tracked this pattern down to her fertile phase and the scent that went along with it. She didn't want sex but her personal scent was saying something different and causing my testosterone to shoot through the roof.

    So I was nervous that my reboot would fall at the first hurdle. The good news is that this trigger can be resisted - last week was THAT week and the reboot survived. But it was a challenge.

    I'm 99% sure this isn't in my imagination but interested in hearing different viewpoints. Have other men seen the same pattern?

    One final note: to be clear, this isn't about victim-blaming or excuses. I am still entirely responsible for my behaviour regardless. However, it may be helpful to discuss here - in particular for men in relationships who wonder why they find certain times of the month difficult to get through. Slightly O/T by the way but I'm guessing the same monthly pattern makes it difficult for women to get through a month without lapsing.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2018
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  2. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    Ok so I am not a man i am the wife of a PA
    HOWEVER
    I do know that when "its that week of month" and when ovulating its scientifically proven that women give off a scent to indicate their bodies are ready for reproduction (essentially).
    Your body and brain unknowingly pick this up.

    how else would other animals know its time for mating season?
    So no it is not your imagination. My husband picks up on my scent too. I don't get it either. :)
     
  3. Iguana

    Iguana Fapstronaut

    It makes sense, porn can hardwire the brain to get triggered by the most random and mundane things, a place, a day of the week a scent. Why wouldn't this one that is supposed to give you urges different? if anything it makes too much sense, after all it's a habit of years
     
  4. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    No this is not a Porn thing.
    Its nature :)
    Its normal, Enjoy it. (just not too much ;))
    :)
     
  5. Iguana

    Iguana Fapstronaut

    If understood op correctly, he says that this scent triggers him to PMO, I would find that not enjoyable at all, high drive+high libido(due to pheromones)+urge to PMO... nasty combo
     
  6. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    The OP libido may not actually be as high as he may think. rebooting will help him reset and finally figure out if his is really as high as he thought.
    in addition,
    he survived that week.


    Yes her bodies pheromones maybe saying something. "hi im fertile"
    but that doesn't mean she wants S.
    instead show her love in other ways.
    I am simply saying, no its not your imagination. Its natural. Its normal. Having stringer urges when you can smell those smells is normal. Humans give off pheromones at different times. Thats why they say animals can sense fear from us. i will try to find some articles on this.

    i hope this post makes sense lol
     
  7. Colin the Librarian

    Colin the Librarian Fapstronaut

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    Thank you SpouseofPA.

    Interestingly I was compelled to M and M again when I thought it would deal with the desires escalated by her fertilIty/scent. Those days and nights were relentless, yet the barrel never ran dry. I was in almost physical pain with constant need.

    So clearly M and M again was NOT the solution. Yes, last week was tough but it wasn't as tough as I expected. As you suggest, we simply maxed out on cuddles while I held my breath. And yes, it felt so much better than the alternative.
     
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  8. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut


    i am working now so i will post some later
     
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  9. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    I think some people are particularly sensitive to the scents of their partners. I love the way my wife looks and I love the feel of her skin, but nothing turns me on faster than the smell of her hot body. :emoji_nose::emoji_ok_woman::emoji_yum:
     
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  10. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Hi @Colin the Librarian

    I'm struck by the large number of similarities between our situations. As you can see from my counter, my reboot has gone well. If you have the time, please read my journal as I think it may well encourage you. Good luck.

    ANH
     
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  11. Colin the Librarian

    Colin the Librarian Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. I see that you're in the UK too, another similarity. I'll check your journal later today :)

    Incidentally, counters don't show on my Android phone. Any idea if this is normal?
     
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  12. TryingHard2Change

    TryingHard2Change Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Flip your phone horizontal ... and you should see the counters.
     
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  13. Colin the Librarian

    Colin the Librarian Fapstronaut

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    D'oh, of course, thank you. Thanks too for your journal TryingHard2Change. I read it a few days ago and was deeply moved.

    Congratulations on 57 days :)
     
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  14. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    going to post some today. ( the ones i had yesterday had MAJOR triggers so i didn't want to post them. after i do a few work things i will post new ones I PROMISE lol sorry for the delay)
     
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  15. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    Last edited: Jan 19, 2018
  16. Colin the Librarian

    Colin the Librarian Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the articles SpouseofPA. I hadn't seen these particular pieces before but can confirm that my intense personal associations with the subject matter are potentially (but not severely) triggering.

    But I'm confident most addicts will be fine with the first two links and it is interesting stuff.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2018
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  17. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Mmm, underarm sweat and clean feet.
    Just wanted to add my two scents. :)
    ANH
     
  18. jamin528

    jamin528 New Fapstronaut

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    I also feel that pheromones play a big role. I especially notice increased urges for me when my wife is on her period because she doesn’t want to do anything sexual at that time. It’s my most difficult time for resisting PM.
     
  19. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

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    I never get hit on.
    But I know when I'm ovulating just by how men act around me in every day life.
    I get approached , ogled, etc. always coinciding with ovulation. They know before I do. I always know the dreaded cycle is about to begin when the men start noticing me.
    So yes, absolutely. You are picking up on her body's signals. Nature is quite a pain in the ass sometimes.
     
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  20. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    My husband is the same way. the week before and the week of. He can smell me. and tells me "You smell so good" and i just giggle cause i am thinking .....I do? ya ok... lol.
     
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