PLEASE help me, advice needed asap

It is possible that a guy could be checking attractive women out on a screen and not feeling that aroused or even aroused at all, but they still have an urge to keep flicking through more.

I have a friend who constantly sits and checks out attractive women on social media, just constantly flicking through images of attractive women. He does this when he is sitting with his friends. He has a girlfriend.

But I would say if your boyfriend is sitting alone doing this kind of thing then he is likely feeling sexual arousal a lot of the time when he is doing it.

But a guy can definitely also flick through images of women, or even porn sites and not feel sexually aroused, but they do still like searching and looking.

So it is possible to do this and not feel sexually aroused. But I would say if a guy is alone and doing this, probably a lot of the time when they are doing it they probably do feel sexually aroused.

I mean if they are alone lying in their bed flicking through stuff like that on a regular basis, I would definitely say a lot of the time a guy would be feeling sexually aroused from that.

 

Most of the time I don't feel aroused, but feel a compulsion to watch porn and fap. Hope it helps.

 

My experience with porn is i can watch only a few minutes to become aroused but it almost leads leads to a longer session of watching then officially masturbating to it.

Thats 95% of the time i give into my addiction to masturbate when watching.

If its a compulsion for him to watch he will likely progress to masturbation if he has not already

 

I would say he has a porn addiciton problem, maybe not as heavy as some of us here if he really only watches once or twice a month, but if you do something you know is hurting your loved ones and you just can't stop it, that's called an addiction.
The thing is, he most likely doesn't realize that, because hardly anyone knows that you even can be addicted to porn and you have to go down pretty deep into the gutter, to do enough research to understand that you have a problem.

I recommend you to check out Terry Crews and his wife talking about his addiction on youtube , start with that vid and then dig deeper.
If you see similarities you will start to understand what is going on and then you can make a plan how to go on.
This is probably a better one

 

If you don't mind me asking, what is your issue with pornography? Not trying to play Devil's advocate, but is it because you don't like it? Or do you believe you should be enough for him? Every relationship needs to be built on trust and acceptance of who the other person is and if you shame him than it'll never last. Have you ever thought of watching porn together? I mean for what it's worth, it would probably give you two a good laugh to watch funny or ridiculous porn and perhaps if you both find stuff that'll inspire you with your intimacy. Porn isn't necessarily wrong or bad, but for some it can be worse than a drug they can't stop abusing. Might be worth trying because I know plenty of couples that watch together and many have wonderful relationships.

 

His addiction isn't as bad as some. I don't have a terrible addiction either but the fact that it is hurting my partner is enough for me to want to stop. It's not easy to stop which is why it is called an addiction. If he wants it bad enough and takes action to prevent himself from seeing porn, he can be very successful.

Yep, my partner and I have been together for 13 years and she has known I was addicted for about the past two years or so. She has never snooped and dug for evidence. She knew when I accepted my porn addiction, I would defeat it. I think a man my age (59) defeats a porn addiction much easier than a man in his 20s. I know you are wondering why, when he has you, he needs to watch porn and masturbate. I have been addicted for 30 years well before my partner and I ever met. I accepted it when told that masturbation is normal and doesn't cause me any harm. That, I found, was totally wrong. If he wants to have a relationship with you and wants to stop using porn and masturbating, there are some actions he needs to take. It starts with deleting all porn from his computer and phone then delete all porn bookmarks in both his computer and porn. This will prime his brain to understand that he is done with porn and done with masturbating.

Some guys have a compulsion to watch porn and to fap. Some just feel compelled to look at porn and they don't get aroused. I know one side effect of longtime use of porn is ED. When you have ED, it tends to tamp down arousal. I have ED but I don't know if it's from prostate cancer surgery or if is from longtime addiction to porn and fapping to that porn.

Yes, it is possible he is watching porn but not getting turned on by it. I know this because I can watch porn for hours and not get aroused. To be honest, and I can admit this when you are in a relationship and unless both decide to watch porn together, it is disrespectful to watch porn and fap. Because of a thrashing issue I have when I sleep, my partner sleeps in the bed with the dog and I sleep in the pullout bed that is also a couch. As a result, it was easy for me to wait until she fell asleep, pull my phone out, and watch porn and fap. I gave up porn sites because many of them are involved in human trafficking, rape, and other atrocities. However, over on Reddit, there are women who willingly post nude pictures of themselves. I don't think many of these atrocities happen there. Doesn't make it right for me to look at these photos. I am wondering in a month or two when I finish rebooting, how I'm going to masturbate without porn. My partner (60) is post-menopausal and suffers from depression. She has no libido at all. I honestly think my addiction is a part of that. She told me that she sometimes feels that she needs to measure up to the women in the porn I'm watching. I feel bad I hurt you. I have been no-PMO for over 40 days now.

 

Whether or not he is sexually aroused is, in my opinion, completely besides the point.

If he's checking out naked chicks when he's in a relationship with you I can understand why that would make you upset. It shouldn't be "ok" if he does it without getting sexually aroused or masturbating.

That said, it is very, very possible that he suffers from a similar issue and many of us here (porn addiction). And when I say porn addiction it could be that he's just addicted to looking at still pictures of naked women, or videos of naked women, but not necessarily sexual acts. Again, not that I think it really matters, but the point is that the brain doesn't know what "porn" is. It just knows when it's aroused.

I feel like I say this to literally everyone when I comment on a thread but truly the most important thing you can do is educate yourself. I highly recommend reading Your Brain on Porn to understand what he might be going through on a more biological level. Because despite the fact that he might be lying to you, it's very likely that he has undergone neuroplastic changes in his brain due to porn use (or whatever porn substitute he might be using). Changes which *compel* him to keep using perhaps despite his honest desire to stop (because he knows it hurts you). That's kind of the thing with addictions; they're typically not exactly "within control" and they're certainly not rational.

That said you have to decide what's best for you. You could educate yourself and see if he'll try to truly start working on this issue, but that has to come from within him. You cannot force him to change but you could offer encouragement. If, for example, he knows that you will leave if he doesn't try to get his act together and at least try to address this, that might cause him to be sufficiently motivated. Of course you might not want to start there but it's always an option. You have to decide what's right for you. Again the most important thing I can say is to educate yourself on porn addiction.