I have the most amazing gf in the world. But when we have sex, I can barely keep it up and its hard to finish for me. I've talked with her about it and she completely understands it and it doesn't bother her. But it rips me to shreds. I want to be the best I can be for her. So aside from the obvious answer (quitting porn) are there any other things or any advice to help with this along the journey of recovery? Perhaps something regarding intimacy or something idk, I just need some kind words through all this.
Here is my thought. While our partners can appreciate sex as a physical experience, they prefer it more for it's emotional experience. So if sex with her is physically perfect with no ED, no DE, with simultaneous O, but lacks emotional connection, she's apt to find that physical experience unfulfilling. But if she finds the experience one that focuses on emotional intimacy, connection, shared sensory activities, good interactive foreplay, more concentration on the full body experience as opposed to just having intercourse, then she'll find sex to be way more fulfilling even if her partner has issues with ED or DE.
For me abstaining from P especially for more than 10 days really increases my arousal level. I don't have PIED at all but I still notice that I'm much easier aroused when I'm not using P. It also is much easier to climax for me as well. So I think nofap is the best solution. Also I can almost promise you your gf isn't being fully honest with you. She said it doesn't bother her but I am sure it likely does but she's suppressing her feelings. It probably makes her feel unsafe thinking that you might find these women more attractive than her. Even if she's outwardly ok with it, it puts a level of doubt into her mind that you aren't going to be there for her when she needs it most. There are women on here that can explain how it feels better that me.
This. This is where we are. This is why it's so enjoyable for the both of us because we have a great connection. We've been through a lot together and we're on the same page about a lot of things in life. I appreciate your response, I will pour more energy into our emotional connection on my path of recovery.
I feel you on this and I too think there's at least some ounce of doubt in her mind, even if it hasn't developed too much yet. I fear it will be a problem in the future if I don't quit PMO. Thank you for your response.
I don't know how old you are or your experience dating. But I promise you when a woman says they are "fine" or "ok" with something they are often anything but. Haha It's a hard lesson learned that women aren't always as direct as we are.. And I think most likely you will find it hurts her much more than she is willing to tell you. Thankfully you are willing to admit this may be true and that's great. Express to her that understanding and I think she will appreciate it.
More foreplay? Maybe try more things together. I also highly recommend speaking to your doctor because it could be something more serious and they can help you. I assure you that you are good enough for her especially if she is very understanding. I'm glad you are both able to communicate with one another.
I wasn't trying to insult you or suggest you weren't, sorry if you felt that way. I thought it was important to point out, as I read your comments you elude to the fact that it doesn't bother her and if it does maybe just a tiny bit. I truthfully don't think that likely is the case. That's why I thought it worth pointing out that you take it very seriously even if your gf "seems ok with it".
Hello brother All of the above are from my experience and analyzing my situations 1. It is important to abstain from sex while u r rebooting. Why?? Because when I was rebooting on a particular day I was horny since I wanted to abstain from porn I chose not to watch it but that same sexual energy made me think I'm on reboot so I can have sex But when i was doing the act All that mattered for me was was i need to orgasm I wanted to feel the high that we get when we ejaculate So in short i was more focused on ejaculation and I felt uneasy down there until I ejaculated So I was tricked into doing this And i would consider as my brain trying to get the dopamine through substitute I also stopped texting my gf my making her understand what I was going through and I wont be having sex for a long time . 2. Sex is not all about orgasm It is the joy of being intimate The hugs the kisses and etc Even these small things affect a lot Just the mere focus or orgams is wrong But that doesn't mean u dont need to get orgasms But that us the end result So enjoy the process rather than worrying about the end result Role plays can go for 2 to 3 hrs without the need of having sex (source - trust me) 3. Now ur focus shouldnt be not watch porn or masturbates Eliminate the reason why u are doing it For instance I do it because of study pressure and study pressure arises because I procrastinate a lot I'm putting efforts and I failed many times because I put target too high for the present me to achieve But the day I study well I dont feel like doing porn or mastrubation 4. Quitting porn and mastrubation will surely help and I do believe it U can't give 100% of ur affection to ur loved one when u are getting distracted by pixels I hope I was of some help Stay strong
Something that I think is important to be aware of and that can make a huge difference in your recovery...p-subs. Many times, those working recovery will completely abstain from PMO but continue with other things like that found on social media (bikini models, etc.). While they think they’re doing everything right for their recovery, they're not seeing improvement like they hoped. Oftentimes, that's because they're sabotaging their own recovery without realizing it. P-subs, fantasizing, etc. provide enough dopamine to keep a PA alive and prevent true recovery, all while the addict thinks they doing really well because they haven't indulged in 'real' P. For recovery to be as successful as most people want, you have to avoid all the things that feed the addiction.
