Partner of sex addict-Deeply Hurt.

Hello,
I have a boyfriend of 3 years almost 4 in June and I recently discovered (a week ago) that he is a social media/porn addict.

When we first met we used to be those "cute couples" on Facebook having pictures of each other and such but as time went on we decided to get rid of social media and we did...Atleast I thought so. I deleted mine but he still had his I confronted him and he said he would delete and he never did so next time I found out he told me he would delete his fb but that I could have mine because I needed it for school...I told him he could have his I just needed to know and he said he didn't like it anyways.
We moved recently (almost a year in April) together.
Well soon after after a month or 2 I found out he was using his Facebook and had taken screenshots of some girls that used to be my friends and he knew and others. And even put a cover photo of a girl with a low top and his status said Single.
I told him about it and he deleted it in front of me or so I thought.

I don't know why I knew I shouldn't have but I was curious to check if he still had it ....he Did. I was so devastated because I trusted him and once again he still had it (This February)
I told him and he said that he doesn't know what happened that maybe he forgot to uncheck the amount of time for it to be activated but hasnt used it since I found out (when we moved in) he said that he would delete it I was working when he supposedly deleted and I told him I wanted to be there so apparently he opened it again (if he deleted it, he still knew his password to reactivate it)
I told him I wanted to see if he was hiding something so I can see if it's true that he hasn't been using it but he wouldn't let me physically hold his phone and look at it ....he had it in his hands and took screenshots and then showed me in person when I was right in front of him. He told me because he didn't want to hurt me more than he already has and Some of the things still did hurt because he would tell girls all these words he never said to me.
After that he said we would delete it and we would make a password both of us didn't know I wrote 5 letters and random symbols and then he did also and when we changed the password we flushed it down the toilet.
After that he told me how he was going to change that we were going to go to therapy and we even looked at places and emailed them. He was acting better the 2 days after that being sweet writing me long letters how much he loved me but again my curiosity.

Feb 14.... After he went to work I went to Facebook I didn't know that long password but I went for the Forgot Password, changed the email to reset and bam I was in .....
First I went to his searches and who did I found he searched many many people ....including my older sister. We had problems with this because one time when we were having intercourse he was saying how he wanted to have a three some with my older sister and me, she's married and I wouldn't even want to do that.
He searched her up the day he deleted it but I wasn't there. No wonder he didn't want me to touch his phone. And he also lied to me about not using it since we moved. He didn't just search her up but girls I know, girls I don't know again even his ex.

Next, I went to his messages...Oh I shouldn't have done that he texted a lot of girls telling them they have a sexy body and the thing that got to me was that he was texting this girl who was having problems with her boyfriend and she was saying how she didn't know what to do because she didn't have no one else and she didn't want to stay there....he offered her our other room saying how he has another room and it's comfortable and if she didn't want to be there he could get her a hotel room asking what city was she in which turns out same city as us.

He texted this girl that he has known for a long time but she moved away and he was asking how was the weather was like there and that she should come back to take college classes with him and flirting.

If that wasn't enough....I went to his activity log....
He liked so many pictures of all kinds of girls that were revealing too much skin or breast. ALL the girls he told me not to worry about he liked their pictures. He even liked some posts of girls saying nasty stuff and even commented on some saying things like hot, cute, gorgeous, beautiful, sexy. I kept scrolling down and down but it never stopped....I felt like a bullet went through my heart and soul I felt like fainting, I fell in the floor and starting crying so much it hurt to breathe.

I was gonna wait to tell him on Friday so we can talk more about it since I work weekdays but I couldn't wait I texted him telling him how he could have such a heart and take me for granted....he asked what was wrong and he said he could explain and how he wanted me to hear him out and that he was coming from work right away and to keep something in mind that he did love me.

I left to the park and cried while there was couples everywhere happy on Valentines day and I was alone, crushed and confused...all those 3 years together and before we met he had been doing that everyday except the days I was with him even then he would check it at 1 am or 3 am or 5 am after work. I felt like our whole relationship was a lie....it was never real.

He kept calling/ texting me but I didn't reply until he found me ....it was night by then. And he said he could explain to go home with him I went.

He told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me and how he has a social media/ porn addiction how it started when he was 12 years old when he first got internet and had MySpace that he would look at those types of stuff then it went to pornhub and continued on his parents found out and took him to church but that was it....he told me he needed help that he wanted help he told me that it has nothing to do with me that I was perfect and he would never want to leave me for someone else, he told me he never did stuff with anyone else but I didn't think that since he stopped having intercourse with me for many times since we moved but he said he would go get an std test, he said how he was going to tell me once we went to therapy all about it and that he wanted to grow with me and have a family do all the things we planned together still and move on together with our lives.

I told him I felt betrayed like all of the relationship was a lie and he said it was never a lie it was all real he even cried and went down on his knees telling me he didn't mean to hurt me or us to help him get through this by going to therapy and how he wanted to change that he never did it intentionally he would do it out of habit because he was bored but that he wasn't admiring them or doing it for pleasure which I didn't believe him and he said how yeah he did all those stupid stuff but he would never ever do it in person....he even said how could he give someone the room when I was there he would never and didn't want to because when they said okay he never answered them back.

I do want to help him he seems like he wants help and is willing to save the relationship because he told me that I could take the internet router when I went to work and how he'll even have one of those parent things so I can check what he does in the internet and that he would get one of those old brick phones that don't have internet. He said that all may seem dark right now but that he will grab my hand out of the storm that he created. And that he has always loved me and all was real that not to let his stupid actions and demons tell me otherwise and that he would spend all his life proving it to me.

I want to help him I want to be his shoulder for support....I know this is going to be so difficult for him but it will also be for me....I try to remember All our positive memories together we had but then I think how it was never enough since at the end of the day he still would do that. Holidays, anniversaries, his birthday....my birthday. Even though he tells me he would never have had sexual acts with them I think otherwise.... sometimes I think if the times we actually did it would he think of them? I truly feel like I was never enough then for him to still be wanting to do that. I try to be supportive but sometimes I wonder if he even has such disorder or is it all just an excuse.... even tho he tells me that he didn't check them out just hit like and scrolled down I really don't believe that how could he if all those girls were beautiful and had something I don't (big breasts) I love him but I just don't know if he loves me way less than I do He knew I had Facebook and he told me he didn't want one....I felt bad when guys would message me and tell me Im hot or such and they have a girlfriend or wife I would block them immediately but who knew my own boyfriend would do that as well. One time He got mad/jealous because a guy commented on one of my pictures saying I looked beautiful and I just replied with a thanks. He lives far away and I don't talk to him, yet my bf did all that and all those girls live near or in our city even my sister....I feel bad knowing that I can't even take him to birthdays or family parties because of that. Or going places with him like to the beach and thinking if he's checking girls out and thinking like that....I don't know what to do or how to overcome this....how can I be strong and supportive to my partner in his recovery if I'm broken and emotionally damaged as well

 

Could you put a link??

 

And how do I do that?

 

I am deeply sorry....how is everything going so far??