New here

As much as I appreciate your sweet post, I still can't believe this is us.

 

Welcome to NoFap.

It could help your wife a lot if you 5) get very involved in NoFap, with her. Well, as long as you can do that without feeling triggered. She picked this place somehow. Respect that and jump in. At least for a couple months until you hit a true reboot of 90 days. And, start a journal with feelings. You sound a little wooden. Determine an amount of time that is serious.. maybe 30 minutes a day to reading and 15 more minutes to a journal.

There's a LOT more to being on NoFap than your first listing here. All these things have to be internalized and it takes time. Someone with a decades long problem (like me, too!) has to completely change their life. Lust that was pervading all must be extricated. And, it's great to journal about small successes. Don't be above the problem. Get in there and fix your problems, get down into the details and really be involved in recovery. You said your wife can smell when something is wrong. Well, let her see a true effort and she will smell your sincerity.

I'd link to my journal, but it's not a great example of what I'm talking about here. I'm in 40+, so pardon those examples, but people like @Getter Better who has dumped HUGE portions of his life into NoFap and is simply amazing at self-analysis and emotions and has had lots of incremental success. This also helps you to realize this is not a go recover and walk away thing. It is a change that you must incorporate into real life on a daily basis for many years to come (not NoFap, just recovery in general). I love how @Applehead is always so respectful of his wife. @Tenacious is super logical and always making real efforts. There's lots of Christian people here despite the 'secular' truth to addiction. @D . J . is one example of a very helpful guy. As you become more involved, you will identify with examples of people you respect. This is a huge community. Reach out and make connections. Put yourself out there.

- - -

By ALL means, read more about me and you will understand where I'm coming from. Feel free to chime in on other discussions and call me out if you have a different perspective. There's also always an ignore feature. However, through experience you will find you are among friends. Pride gets none of us anywhere, and we all know that. Even days of recovery, or years, isn't a status thing. We're all just on Yet Another Day 1, trying to avoid a Day 0. We are friends that care for you and your relationship and that understand your life and your psyche in a way you probably cannot currently understand. Plenty of others will jump in over time. How much you invest will control the benefits.

 

Thanks for your reply. My husband was not "wooden" when he wrote this-he poured his heart into it. He has been feeling his emotions for the first time in years and he is doing great. He probably will not be on here much because he got a flip phone-he is in therapy, is making huge strides. I am proud of him. Thanks for sharing your perceptions and experience

 

My SO is doing a custom Reboot of 3 years and 36 days.
So don't feel so bad about the 90 days to go, OK?
Or the advice...
People here get cranky, but they truly mean the best.
@Sadgirl is amazing and she's been on here rooting for you.
Good job on making it this far!
You can read my @Rock_Star story in success section if you want, it's called winner winner chicken dinner (cuz he thinks he's funny)
Keep moving forward, everyday!
Words to live by!

The journals listed are great... I'm going to add a few, cuz reading is great for recovery.
@Applehead is great, @Greyborne he's just a kid, but he's just fantastic. @Ready_Ryan is the most optimistic guy you will ever see.
@Bnnybnny might be more your speed. He's a great read.
I'm in SO mine is A New Hope.
@Jak3 in success stories him and his SO list resources - just like I do in my journal.
My personal favorite tho, @ReturningToEarth.
It's inspiring.
Make it past month 2....truly inspiring.
Anyway.. Welcome!

 

Hi, I'm the kid, and I approve these messages.

Seriously, that compliment is astronomical in scale. My sincerest thanks!

 

I meant it!
You are doing great in your Reboot and others would be inspired (I'm way older than you tho, and you remind me of my son a bit with your sense of humor)

 

OH my goodness! it is an honor to be mentioned! Thank you so much! When I read this, this morning I could hardly believe it and I was quite giddy all morning!

It is so great that you are here. After reading and keeping a constant journal here, I have been so excited and pleased with my decision to buy into this site and community.

here is a link to my journal for quick navigating if you wish https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/self-focused-summer.105366/

Every day we can become stronger. Each moment matters.
Believe in the power you have to shape your future. You can do it!

 

See?
He's chipper
Lol
But great.
If you ever need a boost of positivity, he's your guy.

 

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, @Tripper. You have a great streak going--keep it up!

@Sadgirl is one of my absolute favorite people here. I have highest hopes for both of you!

 

Still trying to find that journal @SuperFan

 

Good god, man ... he's on Day 31. It takes some of us a little time to start expressing feelings after decades of numbing them through PMO. Maybe some grace and encouragement would be useful here instead of criticism.

You guys have the potential to see an amazing redemption story play out in your marriage. I see it blessing not just you guys, but literally hundreds of other couples who will find hope in your story when they hear it. God has a incredible way of taking the worst circumstances and turning them around to be used for amazing purposes.

 

??? I don't follow ...

 

Your journal.
@SuperFan
Lol

 

Ahhh ... I started one in the 40+ category (I just turned 40 a couple months ago), but honestly I don't update it very often. I probably should. Otherwise how will I ever have a shot at making your best-of-journals list?

 

Duhhhhh!!!!!
And, I guess thats why I never find you... I'm not in 40+ often and when I am I don't get past page 1 before the kids go "mommy!! This other kid did______"
So, Ya know... Lol

 

Let's see what @Tripper says. It's meant to be positive encouragement. And, many of us have found expressing true self, on a semi-regular basis, to be a key element of recovery. Hopefully there's more commitment than the first step seemed to indicate (to me). Sadly, so many of us weren't broken free from the first 27 days in reboot. None of us wishes a relapse on anyone, and it would be lovely to see their marriage become successful again!

 

At the end of this dark and twisting tunnel you will have come out of it together. Been tested and tried, but the silver lining is a reassurance that you have passed the test and many of the trials of relationships will never fray the connections you have for each other.