New here and looking for advice

You should hit up th Significant Others forum. A lot of ladies suffering what you're going through with good guidance and advice.

 

Don't take his ED personally. Take this reboot time to take care of yourself. Look up Betrayal Trauma to see if you might need help with depression/anxiety/PTSD possibly brought about by your H's PA. Two weeks is just a beginning. You may be thrown into a full-blown aftereffects much later. I'm in month 5 or 6 of my BF's recovery, and only last month was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. Even staying away from work for some weeks now and taking meds. This shit is serious and takes months or even years to fix. I wish you both the best in your recoveries. Your H might consider hard-mode for some time, since it seems he is quite affected by his PA. That would mean no P, no M, and no O (so no sex for you either) for at least 90 days or more. Some couples do karezza (no orgasm sex) or a lot of cuddling. You might also consider an arrangement where he gives you O, but doesn't O himself. It's tough, but you can make it. Many of us are in the same boat and we're still here fighting.

 

My SO suffered from PIED.
Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction.
It's tough.
It can actually take up to 2 years to reset so we are doing a custom Reboot of 3 years and 36 days.
He's a year plus PM free right now.
PIED really sucks.
How can I help?
Two weeks is just the beginning... Are you doing a period of abstinence?
Those are generally recommended for PIED cases.
How long has he had it?
That and how long has he been a user? (been watching porn?) those two things should tell you how long to abstain for best results.
Most people just do the 90 days reboot but it's not as effective for lifelong reboot as my SO discovered.
So I guess it depends on what your goals are.
If you have any questions, you can feel free to ask me anything you like.

 

That's generous of you and yes be supportive if you feel like it's the right way in recovery.
However, if he can get it up for a screen everytime, no problem but then have issues in real life once the screen is taken away... That's PIED.
There is a whole section of the forum devoted to it, if you want to check it out, not just take my word for it.
Post the rest of his symptoms and get feedback from there as well.
Generally most SOs are supportive until a relapse, which is where things get difficult in my opinion because with every addiction they say it's ok to relapse... But the truth is unlike drugs, which will kill you, porn is silent and selfish, which leaves the SO hurt the worst.
It sounds to me like you are very strong.
That's great.
The anxiety and disconnection and discomfort he is going to go through will be alot so he is very fortunate to have you.
What is his plan or your plan going forward?
Everyone likes to say no porn... But P-Subs and triggers will throw you under the bus and nobody protects against them the first go around usually... So I like to ask.

 

If really depends on if it was bad.
My SO can't watch any sex on TV
He gets the dopamine drip.
Here is his recovery plan https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/rock-stars-lists.124256/
Some other resources are linked in there too.
Like Anna's resources
Those are great too
You might not want to revolve life around it... But ignoring it will lead him away too.
It's kind of a fine balance.
They have to police themselves, but at the same time, show you they are doing it. Just saying it usually means not

 

No.
Do not put you aside.
It's so important.
Make even a hour for you.

And we all here have self esteem issues.
Check out the treat yourself thread.

And his anxiety is probably alot of the PMO.
No joke.
My SO didn't even used to make eye contact to the point where people thought he was autistic because if his fidgeting.
He's not and he looks at people now and joins conversations.
Crazy.
Also, know that my SO did not want to be part of the 95% who don't stay clean for life.
He was all like I'm A Unicorn! And looked at the normal reboot plan, and rebooted it.
People wanted to know... So I posted the Lists. It's helpful. It is.
Anna's Resources are great too
.. Her guy and my SO are days apart for reboot actually.
They have two different strategies but both work. So the resources and lists are linked together now so people can make their own structure

 

A couple of things I noticed reading this.

1. He has PIED. He gets it up for lorn but not real sex. That is the major sympton. It will pass
2. He needs to have a plan. Saying "I don't want a plan b/c it puts pressure on em"'is bllshit. If he doesn't have a plan he will fail. He needs to read up on rebooting basics.
2. His libido is low b/c his brain is adjusting to not getting constant dopamine hits from porn. It will go up and down from"flatline"'to periods of incrediblely powerful cravings. He needs to make sure No. 2 has been implemented to deal.
3. I think he's lucky to have such an awesome woman who supports him but don't make excuses for him. Ultimately this is his problem and he needs to deal with it.
4. Gym is great. He needs to do a lot of that.
5. Cooking together is awesome.
6. Dealing with video game addiction is same as the porn--exact same mechanics.

Reach out if you have questions

 

Do you by chance have the great porn experiment video?

 

I'd say hes more of a masterbastion addict (haha)
Yeah it's totally PIED if he was jerkin That much.
He's not the worst case around here. Trust.
And making comments like that are not great.
Guys use 90 days as a jump point for a year then to life.
If he wants a year reboot, let him do a year.
Some guys actually are.
Like I said... My guy chose a 3 years reboot.
Be supportive.... Be like, yes! A year.
A year, in a lifetime is a blink.
No relapse or reset or porn or P-Subs for a year then.
I'll link you some stuff on Flatline... I'm sure that'll scare the crap out of him.
And tell him not to edge the morning wood

 

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/