New goal

My new goal is 365 days PMO free.

The one exception is if my wife initiates or is interested in sex. This is a serious long shot as a brief hug is the best I can hope for at the moment.

I realize this is a huge jump from my original goal of a 90 day reboot, but in my clearest moments I have come to realize that while I crave her and desire to make love to her with every fiber of my being, what I want most is her to love me for the rest of my life and for us to be fully intimate.

I think by letting go of any expectation of sex and focusing on getting my head right, I will give my wife the space she needs to heal, and restore true intimacy.

If things really don't work out with my wife this also prepares me to re-engage in my next relationship with a focus on things that are important, attraction is one element but not the only or most important one!

June 1, 2018. Long time from now, but considering I've been PMO or MO every day that I haven't had sex for nearly 30 years, I have a lot of mental space to fill.

 

Hi thanks for checking up on me
Can't say that life is easy or that each day I don't have doubts or fears or moments where tears overtake me, but week over week I'd say things are improving.

What the future holds I can't say or control... just focusing on my daily goals and being present in each moment, patient and kind to myself and my wife and kids.

We have an apointment with a couples therapist at the end of the month, and I think giving my wife space may slowly be letting her see the changes I've made. Still a long road ahead. One step at a time!