NEW 90 Day Challenge - Start on Sunday 22nd May 2016

I see it all as scaffolding, once you've built the house and it's standing you won't need it anymore This site, you people and the counter has been great scaffolding for me and I'm thankful to have it. Have good days.

 

@katanaR that's also why I think to begin with it's worth setting small goals you think you can reach. I'd recommend getting yourself a counter (click on any of ours and it should give you instructions) and set it for the smallest amount that you can believe you can reach, if thats 1 day then set it for one day. Then when you reach your goal take the positive energy from that and funnel it into setting the next goal and then the next and then the next. Don't worry what anybody else's goals or counters read, work your own program and we'll help you as much as possible.

 

For me, I wouldn't have lasted two weeks if not for this site. I remember the day - it was either post here or give up on the challenge. I reminded myself how awful I felt and angry I was with myself after fapping, it was a no brainer to stick it out.

 

Wow @fookeh, thanks for writing that last bit. I had almost forgot of my first couple days, I logged in her 3 or 4 times a day, I had to see an answer from someone, read something so my mind wouldn't end up thinking about porn.


And that is exactly a problem that I have: I have such a bad memory. I have to constantly remind me of what my life used to be like around 2 years ago when I started to try nofap occasionally . Sometimes it seems like nothing changed much, but when I look at a photo of that time, or read about something that happened around that time, all these memories come back and I see how much I changed. But sometimes these memories fade away and I get back to the idea that I have always been the productive, confident guy I'm right now, that going for the whole year challenge is too much, etc. I know that this is a trap, and I'm already starting to plan how I'm going to deal with this when the 90th day comes, but I feel that I'm not so confident as I was when I made the jump from 30 days to 90 days challenge. Let's see how it goes.. I hope to have a different view on this when the time comes.


EDIT: Ha! On a sidenote, I reached 60 days pmo-free and didn't even notice. Almost day 63!

Cheers, guys!

 

Hello. I remember the days when going a week seemed like a big reach. Look where we are now! I'm working from home today, it's hot and I have low concentration it's is a danger time for me, my brain will want to take me off to look at distractions and it's not too hard to move from something innocent to not so innocent to... well we all know how that ends. So going to set some goals, start a timer and keep my head in the game.

@maske congrats on hitting 60 days (and not even noticing it's not easy but so much easier than it was)

 

Good Morning Everybody! 45 days. Wooooohoooooo

 

Good Morning @stephanD and everybody!

@maske Personaly, the idea of telling myself: "yessss!!! 90 days!! lets have just a little fap session!" is unbearable... It's not because of the self esteem or some puritanism (I still appreciate sex and even more now). It's just that I don't want to be the slave of my hormones (and espacially dopamine) anymore. For my all life, I thought that "dependancy on sex" was a fate. But for the first time in my life, I realize that it can't be further from the truth. We have to be carefull with all the conditionning and we always have to pay attention to our beliefs. They clearly can work against us.

Have a good day.

 

Morning everyone, little bit of truth time. I've been p-subbing a bit, I haven't messed up but I have in the past few days, surfed threw youtube, read some trashy 'news' story, and googled a female friend's name looking for pictures of her because that old routine in my head *is still running* saying you need to comfort your boredom, loneliness or frustration by looking at pixels of girls. I think it was @maske who was talking about his scumbag brain - I know that feeling, and everything @StraightEdge says above, I want to be conscious and deliberate, not compulsive. Thanks for being around, here's to honesty.

 

I've had a few urges but I was able to manage them. I'm now trying to avoid images people post of sexy women in next to nothing - you know, those memes people post. Amazing what can trigger a relapse. I've filtered out those friends and posts, also need to be mindful of those 'related articles' when on certain sites because there are all kinds of "click here for the top 10 hottest <insert term related to women here>".

I must admit, since I've stopped fapping, I enjoy sex with my wife 1000% more. I try and focus on how much of a stronger, more passionate connection we have when I'm having a moment of weakness. I still think of how easily I could relapse and at times, I even try to justify why it's okay. It's much like someone who has quit drinking for awhile saying it's okay to have 1 drink because you've made it so far. For me, drinking and fapping go hand in hand, so that is why I had to quit both. I've come this far, it's too late to give up and start all over now!

Can't believe it's been two months. Even when I started this challenge, I honestly didn't believe I would finish it! I'm glad I have made it this far and look forward to celebrating with you all even if it's just in this thread, when we all make it to the end.

 

Yes @fookeh! I don't want to feel too confident, but I can't imagine that one of us could fail after all the way.

 

Hey, I just slipped after 50 odd days. Feeling pretty shit!

 

Heck @Joseon2016 . But 50 days is already a good record! I'm pretty confident that you'll reach the 90 days next time.

 

I'm sorry to hear you slipped. At least you're honest about it - Don't give up!

If you don't want to slip again, you need to take a serious look at why you slipped this time and prepare for those circumstances because they will no doubt present themselves again in the future.

 

Hey thanks for the support,

I slipped again today. Feeling pretty crappy the past week and have a lot of pressure. This is the 3rd time i slipped since breaking my streak.

I think that although I stopped the habit of masturbating and looking at porn I didn't allow myself to feel the pain that was coming up and maybe buried myself in study or the gym. I never fully addressed or tried to address the sexual thoughts that were still as pervasive in my mind and eventually that caught me.

If anyone has any experience or advice of breaking a streak and how to get back on track please.

 

Mind is like a monkey. We all have weird thoughts from time to time but the thoughts we have don't define us.
Try to be aware of the thoughts you have. Don't judge them. Don't try to explain them. Just observe. They will vanish.
If you are identified with your thoughts and you beleive that they are you and that they define what you are, then you are bullshiting yourself. (these thoughts are yours, but not you).
If you bury yourself in study or gym, your thoughts will keep coming back because what you resist, persists... they are like childs: they want attention.
Maybe you could try meditation: it's a very effective tool.

 

@Joseon2016 - It's important that you're aware of your triggers. Something finds it's way into your mind and the thought of fapping presents itself to you. Then, it's there, taunting you, telling you it's okay, and before you know it, you're done.

Another way to look at it is to remember why you want to stop fapping in the first place. What's your purpose for quitting? For me, it was to have a much better sex life with my wife and to free myself from the awful disgust I felt every time after I fapped. And I will say, I am living that purpose today. What's it about for you? Why quit? If you can't answer that, you'll never stop because there's no motivation to do so.

I don't know anything about you in terms of your age and how long you've been dealing with this, but one thing that help motivate me to start my streak was this Ted Talk.

Also, try to remember how you feel afterwards, if you find it helpful. For example, in my case, I felt completely and utterly disgusted with myself after I fapped. I was angry and frustrated with my inability to control myself. Now, when I get the urge, which I will say does not happen anywhere near as much as it used to, I think of that and most of the time, that pulls me through it and my mind goes into something productive.

The benefits of stopping cannot be stated enough. Since I've made it this far, I find myself with far more self-discipline that I could ever imagine, to the point where I've been able to abstain from alcohol (although I started that before this challenge), and I am able to stay away from junk food and exercise more regularly. Also, stuff I have been putting off, like odd-jobs around the house, are finally getting done and I actually don't mind doing them. I no longer stay glued to my TV like a permanent couch potato thinking of when I'll be able to fap again. My sex life with my wife has improved beyond anything I could have imagined.

When you free yourself from this horrible addiction, you open the door to so many positives in life. I wrote all of this because even though I don't know you, I want you to know that it's possible - you can do this. I believe in you and I know the others who post here regularly do as well.

I challenge you right here, right now. I normally check on this thread once or twice a week. I will check in everyday and I challenge you to post here everyday for the next week to update us all. And, the hardest part of the challenge: when you are thinking about going to fap - post here instead. Do this for just ONE week. I'm here for you, we all are, and we want you to get to where we are. Help us help you. Accept my challenge!

 

Hope all is well with you maske, haven't heard from you in awhile!

 

@StraightEdge @fookeh thanks for that, real powerful stuff. Your support really helps.

Meditation is something I've always in my mind and wanted to seriously give it a go but I've never known how to start. Does anyone have any advice or recommendations?

I guess my reasons for this are similar to @fookeh . During my 50day streak the confidence in myself as well as the sensuality and energy I had in bed was great. I also noticed my gf is more satisfied also. As well as that I got a lot more things done eg gym, learning Korean and applying for university. Also, that shame you talk about is something I want out of my life. I guess when I slipped the thought of going back to that was/is quite upsetting.

Analysing the reasons for my slip i think it was a combination of things. Maybe the extra pressure to achieve stuff stressed me out. Also I probably got too cocky (excuse the pun) about my streak and should try remain humble. I think one of the main reasons, if not the most, was/is that the pain I was suppressing through porn was to the surface and I found myself quite irritable and vunerable. Hopefully I can use this to make me stronger in my recovery.

Thanks for the support guys, it's priceless. I will try to post here everyday for a week to keep yee updated!

 

I try to meditate at least 5 days a week. There is no right way to do it. This is how I do it:

I recommend starting with some deep breaths (I usually do 10), and then close your eyes. Focus on the senses - what do you smell, taste, and hear? Say it in your head - "I hear birds chirping, I hear the fridge humming, etc.). Then, do a body scan, starting at your head and going down to your toes. Say each part to yourself in your head. For example - "My head, neck, shoulders, upper arms, etc." As you say it, try to visualize it in your head. Once that's done, then focus on your breath. I usually start off by saying "Breathing in, breathing out" That way, it helps to keep other thoughts from distracting me. After a moment or two of that, I switch to counting my breaths from 1 to 10. A breath in is 1, then out is 2, in is 3, out is 4, and so on, up to 10. Then, I go back and start at 1. I do that over and over again for probably 10 minutes. After that, I tell my mind - "Go ahead and think what you want", and I will say 95% of the time, my mind is completely quiet for about 15 seconds. Then of course, thoughts start flooding in. To wrap it up, I go back to the physical senses - what I smell, hear, taste, etc. Once I've done that, I open my eyes.

Of course, starting out, your mind will be inundated with the random thoughts of the day or a song that's stuck in your head. The key is to acknowledge it and then let it pass through. Don't be mad at yourself for having random thoughts. Eventually, if you stick with it, they will pass.

Being vulnerable is an awful feeling, especially for a man. Look in the mirror and figure out the source of your pain. I too used p to suppress my feelings and as a way of ignoring my problems - with work, my relationship, pretty much anything at all - any excuse to fap and I was all for it. This is try a detox and if you think you don't need to stay real on why you're quitting, then you will slip back, just as you unfortunately learned the hard way. To me, this site is the equivalent to AA, but for p addiction. I come here and share my feelings and to help others, just like they do in AA, and I find it keeps me motivated to continue the journey, even though almost daily, I want to quit. I just know I can't. It's that simple. One night in particular I will never forget. I wanted to give up so badly and I almost did. Somehow I held on and posted here instead. If not for this challenge, I would have given up on it weeks ago.

Good luck and stay the course - We got your back.

 

Hey @fookeh thanks for that! I'm actually doing pretty good. Whenever I leave the forums for too long is actually because there's so much (good stuff) happening in my life now that sometimes it's hard to find time to come here. I know, my bad. I'll try to be more active here again.

I actually came here today to talk about this. After 73 days (!!!) I'm feeling more happy and confident about the future. About the things I want to accomplish and all that. I'm sure I'm in a moment of transition in my life (I'm moving out of my parents house and probably ending my 3yr relationship with a girl that doesn't want to do the same things I do right now) and I honestly believe that good things can come from that, but it requires courage. And it seems that this courage is actually trying to come out now.

It might not be only related to nofap, maybe also with maturity, but the thing is I don't want to go back to what I was.

Seriously, I have some great ideas of things that I want to do in the next couple years and I'm not afraid of doing it. I don't feel anxious as I used to feel. Not thinking about 10 things at once, living one day at a time.. I know that these are things that we listen every time, but it seems that it's only starting to click for me now. My problem is that I'm always trying to plan things I want to do in the future and never commit to actually doing it. Like "Ahh, someday when I have my professional life more established, I'd like to live in Italy (at the moment I live in Brazil, I'm half brazilian/half italian) and have a dog." But I'm always like "I still don't have enough money for that, maybe in a year or two." And that time never comes.

In the last couple months (specially the last weeks) I had been more productive than the previous 6 months at least. It seems that things are starting to actually move towards some goals and dreams.

Besides that, there are some things that I still don't have figured out but I'd like to change: I sleep too much. I tend to go to bed too late, like 3 or 4am usually and I wake up around 10/12pm. Also, as I said in another post, I really need to get back to exercising. And the third thing is eating more healthy. I have really bad eating habits. I know it's pretty much doable, so these are my next goals..

Anyways, I hope all of you are also doing well.

Cheers.