Need help (if that's possible) with triggering situation

I'm not sure what help people can be but I'm hoping at least writing about what just happened will help to calm my feelings which at the present are kind of a mess (this probably sounds more dramatic then it should).

My wife went out with her friends last night and later in the night the subject of sex was brought up by someone who had drank quite a little wine. The friend went on to talk about her long time partner who is a SA (in her words). She has apparently indulged his addiction in a variety of ways. My wife described told me about a situation that they found themselves in.

Spoiler: Trigger - "Swinging description"

In short the couple met another person who evidently is experienced in the "scene". After discussion and some face to face meetings through this man (the setup guy) they were introduced to another woman. The couple, the new woman, and the other man went back to the other man's house. While there the male and females paired off. The setup guy and my wife's friend ended up going up stairs. My wife's friend was not comfortable with this and didn't want things to happen without her partner around. She called to him but by the time he walked in the setup guy was already having sex with my wife's friend. The partner became very upset by this wasn't able to perform with the other woman.

At a separate time the couple and the new woman ended up having a "threesome"

When my wife was telling me about this it was making me very uncomfortable and I almost asked her to stop but I think the part of me drawn to P wanted her to continue. I think this impacted me so strongly, and this gives me great shame to say - that the type of scenario described in the Trigger section is that type of P

Spoiler: P Type

(amateur - swinger "hot wife")

stuff that I always end up relapsing to. So I guess hearing how it could play out in real life was very upsetting.

To be clear I have never suggested to my wife that this is something that I want to do. As I've said it makes me feel very shameful that I am "into" this type of content.

Thank you to anyone that reads my rambling words...

 

Well it's almost 24 hours later and I feel I am in a much better place.

The thing about the type of P mentioned above is that while it excites me, it also makes me uncomfortable. The combination of the two can be very powerful. After hearing about the experience of my wife's friend it was exciting (the dopamine hit was huge!) but also made me feel really sad. I was projecting like crazy (which is easier to do in this case because my wife and her friend have somewhat similar physical looks) and was thinking how devastated I would feel if I experienced the situation. Based on the details that I was given I felt like the "set up guy" took advantage of the situation and crossed boundaries that the couple had; which seems pretty messed up. I also had the thought that if I completely gave into my P compulsion, this is where my wife and I could end up. Which again made me feel terrible. (This is not to condemn people that practice this lifestyle, but I realistically don't think engaging in would end well for my marriage)

Also something I left out from my first post is that some ago I browsed certain "ads" to see if people who live around me actually engaged in this behavior. One ad was pretty detailed and the couple in it shared some similarities with the "set up guy". So at first when my wife started recounting the tale I was filled with dread (like, "oh man that's the same dude from the ad"). As she continued talking I'm thinking it was not.

Luckily yesterday was pretty busy. I had a lot of errands to do that keep me out of the house in the morning while my wife was at work. I also was able to channel my emotional energy into a pretty punishing (by my standards) workout. We also had guests over last night so there was some cleaning and such to do in preparation.

I had another unexpected dopamine hit when I had a brief moment alone with my wife right before our gathering. I can't remember my exact words but the gist of my question was, "What do you think about what you were talking about earlier"? He response was, "I don't know" - but she said it kind of like - "Not sure but seemed kind of interested". I was thinking her response was going to be more like, "that's something I could never do". So this messed with me a little bit and we weren't able to discuss it further at the time. Obviously this was poor timing on my part.

Finally after our party I was able to speak privately with my wife. I essentially just recanted the thoughts I mentioned above - the story was super triggering for me - this is the type of P that I always relapse to - this "stuff" excites me but I wouldn't be able to handle it - the stuff about the set up guy (including the ad browsing) - and also how I feel I have lived so much of my life through voyeuristic fantasy and I don't want to do that anymore - I only want real experiences with her.

I checked in with her many times during various parts of the disclosure to make sure I wasn't dumping too much on her. She always wanted me to continue and was glad that we talked. I also got clarification about what her "I don't know" comment meant. We are on the same page. She found the abstract idea somewhat interesting but not the reality of it.

So what really helped was communication. Too bad no one on this site has ever suggested this before.

A very sincere thank you to @i_wanna_get_better1 and @Jolie for commenting. Your words really helped me during my time of need and helped give me the encouragement I needed to talk with my wife.