My goal is to PMO sensibly. Is that realistic?

A couple of years ago I was tested for some things. I have an MTHFR mutation on one chromosome. I also found that my B12 was at the lower edge of acceptable. I've been taking special multivitamins for people with the MTHFR mutation, and I also take some additional B vitamins. Unfortunately low B12 causes damage to nerves that isn't reversed by simply correcting the deficiency.

To clarify, I don't take scopolamine currently. I had about 20 patches that I used from time to time and I recorded how I felt each hour or so in a file. About 50% of the time the scopolamine would clear-up the depression in about 30 minutes, but 50% of the time it didn't help at all. The worst thing about scopolamine was the way it dried out my throat and sinuses. After a few hours my voice was hoarse, so I usually removed the patch the first day. Scopolamine was totally amazing when it did work. Suddenly it felt like a weight had been removed from my shoulders and could zip through the pile of stuff on my desk that I had been dreading to tackle for days or weeks.

So currently I take l-theanine and CBD and vitamins. It's interesting because l-theanine and CBD both affect me dramatically, but they don't affect a lot of people I know. On the other hand, serotonin antidepressants seem to help at least a third of the population, but they make me feel awful. Also most artificial sweeteners give me a headache and make me feel horrible. And finally, MDMA doesn't seem to affect me at all.

That would be ideal, but most doctors seem to be limited by the insurance and economics to a handshake followed by 5 minutes of questions then off to the next patient down the hall.

That's a good idea if my goal is to abstain from PMO. Unfortunately abstaining from PMO increases the depression. It isn't sexual frustration or horniness - it is anhedonia. Monday I simply browsed some porn DVDs for an hour without getting very aroused, and then I started work. That was just the perfect amount of arousal to manage the depression. Unfortunately I often stay up all night watching countless youtube videos of bikini contests. Even if I get enough sleep I often feel hungover for 24 hours after a PMO binge.

So I don't know. I'm just trying to reassess my goals and strategies. I don't deny that I have an addiction of course, but this isn't as simple as giving up alcohol. Alcohol didn't actually help much except to provide a brief escape. PMO actually does help with the depression if it isn't overdone. Also it is impossible to abstain from sex entirely. Advertising uses sex. There are pretty women at the stores when I buy groceries. Sex is everywhere.

 

I watched an interesting video at that link about tantra yoga. I don't think tantra yoga is the answer, but the yoga expert said that sexual frustration can be moderated and utilized in meditation and yoga rather than released in ejaculation. Something like that might allow me to abstain permanently from sex. I don't mind the mild horniness of abstinence, but it often goes beyond that and becomes exhausting. If the horniness could be moderated then it might not be so bad.

Of course the last time I abstained for a long period was 10 years ago. I don't know if I would feel any horniness at all now. My libido has dropped a lot.

 

Thanks for the advice. My knee-jerk response would be to say "it's not as bad as you describe", but actually it is a lot WORSE than you describe LOL. What I can say is that it has been this way my whole life, and I have learned to live with who I am. It is psychologically painful when I meet old friends or extended family and realize that I have little in common with normal people. But mostly a person must learn to accept themselves - the good with the bad. And I do go to a psychotherapist once a month where I can talk about things and get a sanity check.