My Boundaries thoughts and feedback please

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by gymismylife, Jan 31, 2019.

  1. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Good enough. Also, speaking of triggers, go take a look at "Circle Behaviors". Wikipedia has a very simple explanation of it. If you want/need more detail, ask, and I'll help you with it. Search for "three circles wikipedia"
     
  2. gymismylife

    gymismylife Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. I read it. It seems pretty straight forward. I'm going to give this to my boyfriend. Hopefully it helps.

    On another topic. That friend of his who hangs out with the young girls, is having a super bowl party. My boyfriend asked if it was co ed, to which his friend said that he wasn't sure. I heard through the grape vine that the young girl and her friend are going to be there. I told my bf last night and he said then we won't go. This morning I asked him if he'd heard from his friend. He said that he had and didn't understand why he shouldn't go. So I said Ok, we can go. He said that he doesn't want to put me through having to deal with these girls, who are not very nice to me. I tried explaining that I'm not Ok with it. It's not appropriate and he should absolutely not go.there when those girls are there, without me. He went off about how can I think he's going to fuck them. (I never said that). I had an appointment, so.i left the house without saying good bye. He then messaged me and said that he's going to end the friendship with this guy. So I said fine but I'm not asking you to do that. Then he tried to pull a guilt trip aboit how I act like his mother and he always just has to do what I want him to do.

    This is so frustrating. I don't get why he can't see how disrespectful he's being by even hanging around this guy when those girls are there, even if I'm with him. I'm willing to compromise.and say that I'll go.with him if they're going to be there. Which I think is above and beyond meeting him half way. Ugh. Why can't he just grow a backbone and say to his friend "look dude. I can't be around you she these girls are around. They're toxic and disrespectful to my woman"
     
  3. gymismylife

    gymismylife Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for venting. I'm just so frustrated that he doesn't get this and that he's always putting his friends and their feelings above mine. To the point that he will allow them and their girlfriends to treat me and our relationship with blatant disrespect.
     
  4. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    ...and this is Gaslighting. "It's all your fault"! Bullshit. Don't put up with this foolishness at all. If he wants you to treat him like a "Partner", perhaps he could reciprocate by treating you like one instead of acting like a damned man-child. Because at the end of the day, that's what he is doing.
    Oh, who knows. It could be an affront to his masculinity, and he's afraid he will get ostracized and ridiculed "man, can't you keep your woman in check and under control" and all that foolishness. There could be a bazillion different reasons. Nonetheless, do like you've done.
    Make it known you have no interest in going anywhere where these women are present. They treat you badly, and you're not going to put up with it. You would like to spend the Superbowl with him. And then let him make a choice. And then I think you'll have the answer you are looking for and to move forward.
     
  5. gymismylife

    gymismylife Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. You always make me feel better and remind me that this isn't my fault.

    I'm just so sick of feeling like I'm not good enough. I'm so sick of busting my ass at thr gym, at snowboarding, at karate trying to prove my worth to someone who just doesn't seem to see it. Hed rather have sex with women on a cell phone screen.
     
    Susannah likes this.
  6. gymismylife

    gymismylife Fapstronaut

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    Ugh!!!! Come home from work and my bf laptop isn't on the table where it usually is. Didn't think anything of it. I just figured he was going to the library after work as he does sometimes to study. I went to lay down for a minute before I hit the gym, and what's hiding under the pillow? His laptop. Hmmm...but he wasn't watching porn. Ya right. Go tell that to someone who was born yesterday. He tried saying that he didn't want the cats to lay on it and he forgot about it. I hate this. I've never in my life had to deal with having to question if my partner is being honest with me. Am I naive if I believe him? And what if I don't believe him and he's actually telling the truth? Will my lack of faith set back his progress?
     
  7. Susannah

    Susannah Fapstronaut

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    Then maybe he will begin to see how corrosive lying is. What you describe is one of the consequences of deception.
     
    Numb likes this.
  8. gymismylife

    gymismylife Fapstronaut

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    Ooh. That a good. I like that. Thank you.
     
  9. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    There ya go. This is the key right here. This is exactly our consequence of deception.
     
  10. gymismylife

    gymismylife Fapstronaut

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    He doesn't see it that way. Everything is my fault. I'm not allowed.to be angry hurt or lacking trust. He tells me me it's my fault. I'm making him crazy and he's not going to live this way anymore. So I guess I'm just supposed to get over it or keep it to myself.
     
  11. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    That’s gaslighting and it has to go too.
     
    gymismylife likes this.
  12. gymismylife

    gymismylife Fapstronaut

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    I agree. He thinks that because he hasn't watched porn for 10 whole days,and because he created an account here, that I should just be over it, and if I'm not, it's my problem and I need to work on it. Expressing any hurt feelings, or getting angry with him, is just me trying to be controlling and guilt trip him.
     

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