Morning after sex .. chase effect

For a full reboot I recommend abstaining from O for at least 90 days.

 

Congrats on your journey so far!

The decision to go totally PMO free is up to each couple for sure.

@Mourde and I decided it wasn't going to work for us even though we gave it a decent try. I'm the one who had no will power on that...he's doing great. Mourde has been PM free for awhile now.

I remember the day after we went for a short while of complete no PMO and he was the same as you feel now. Shaking bad, he actually called me because he was worried something was wrong. He said his whole body felt tingly.

It's a lot easier now from what he tells me but the first few chasers are pretty rough to get over. Be strong.

@Mourde I'm sure can add some more input and advice for you here too.

Good luck on your journey!!

 

Hello and congrats on your journey. As my wife mentioned, we both did the same journey you and your wife are on and it's normal to have urges after but you need to find a way to fight those urges cause just trying to ignore them isn't very helpful. I got a meditation app for my phone with short 3-10 minute meditations on it which I used when I felt those urges, I also take short cold showers in the morning and a little longer ones the morning after sex. Not saying they stopped the urges but they do help clear your mind and help you get out of the fog! As far as the meditation goes it's hard to learn how but the fact of trying and getting your mind to think of something else is very helpful! Make sure you set your goals and stay on your routine, there is a lot that is going to happen on your journey anything from the chaser effect to flatlining so it's always good to be prepared and you can do this just set your mind too it! Good luck and ask for help when needed!

 

No, mean what I wrote. Intimacy is more than just O. And your O is unsurprisingly wired to P and M.

Is healing your brain and rebuilding dopamine receptors not your goal?

If you end up heavily injured in a hospital bed for multiple months, you are not penalizing your wife either, you are just in need of recovery.

From my own experience without removing O nothing actually happens in the dopamine department. You go half a year or so with cravings, relapse to P and that's it.

 

Acceptance is the first step to recovery. It's absolutely understandable, if you're not there yet, in my own case I needed five years to get it.

I recently added contrast showers to my habits as well. They are beneficial.

 

Married for 19 years. Been in active recovery the last six years. I never did a full reboot -- when I started my recovery years ago, I did not even know about such an option. Things may go more quickly if you go hard mode, although I do not know. But I can testify that it is not required to do so. Avoid P and M 100%, and take the time to get reacquainted with a normal and healthy sexual life with your wife. If you commit to these things, I think you will do just fine.

If I can ever be of service to you directly, feel free to reach out any time. Wishing you the best on your recovery journey!

 

Maybe I should have been a little clearer on the cold shower thing ,you dont just jump into a cold shower you can start it off warm and slowly turn it into cold for as long as you can stand it! It's worth the shot only if you want to! Good luck!

 

It will calm down, although it takes a while and even then maybe it's not gone 100%. But, with PMO you have a lot of access and getting real sex can be a stimulant for thoughts that have led to PMO in the past. As you drop PMO and the regular access to easy O's, your brain isn't expecting to get an O every time you get or have gotten excited.

I also found that getting an O before sex if possible helps too, then the real sexual time is where the chaser effect hits and I find after the second O there isn't much of a chaser effect, I'm good. I was similar with PMO.....2 O's if I had lots of opportunity....maybe a third but that was always lackluster.

Alternatively, try and get some "help" the next day and that could replace the urge for PMO with the chaser effect and replace it with help from your wife.