I've been reading The Subtle art of not giving a fck by Mark Manson. I'm sure a good amount of people here have read or at least heard of the book. From first view at the cover you'd think the book is trying to teach you how to not care about what other people think of you. This book doesn't do that. Not entirely. I wouldn't say it's its main focus at all. Rather it talks a lot more about what we should actually be caring about, rather than not caring at all. This is the part I really want to get into. To help you guys better understand the point I'm going to try to get across I just want to briefly go over parts of my life that are prominent to what I am trying to convey. I've never had a girlfriend before, the majority of my teenage and even young adult years (I'm 23 right now) were spent in doors. Much like a lot of the guys here I have social anxiety/and or depression and coped with it by drowning myself in technology (pmo, video games, mindless browsing, social media). I was bullied as a teen and this instilled a deep false self belief in myself that I deserved to get bullied, that people are always out to get you, that I am always being made fun of, that I am weak, and unworthy. It's no wonder I did not go out and live the life I wanted, I had these beliefs that I lived by that dictated the way I lived. I didn't know anything else. No point in asking that attractive girl out, she's waayyyy out of my league, let me just enjoy the thought of her being my imaginary girlfriend because it's impossible for it to ever be a reality. This is how I thought. Now back to the book, there's a section that is called "Mason's Law of Avoidance" basically Mark Manson(author of the book)'s theory. This theory states that we avoid what threatens our identity or self concept. For example we do not go raving because we know we're not a raver, we enjoy staying in with a cup of tea and a book, that is our identity. But I looked at it from a self improvement stand point. If that bullying conditioned me to believe these false beliefs I needed to condition myself back into reality by using this law of avoidance. So with this concept in mind, Why DON'T I try hitting on that super attractive girl that I thought was out of my league? Maybe she'll tell me to fck off or completely reject me. Or maybe she'll respond in kind??? Who knows? NO ONE KNOWS. NOT UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY TRY IT OUT. You can't go out thinking you know things before even trying them. I've always thought of myself as a low key type of guy. Even at work so I never went for promotions because I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it or a guy like me in a higher position? Yeah right? Well guess what I'm going to try for higher positions at my workplace. I'm also going to start hitting girls that I would have deemed "Above me" because that's not true. We enable these self defeating beliefs by behaving in self defeating behaviors. Staying in our comfort zone. Life like that isn't scary but it is bland and wasted potential. I want to say more but I think I've said too much so far. Anyone reading this who thinks to themselves hey I'm not going to go for that job because I'll fail at it anyway, without substantial proof how do you know that? You don't. You're just scared of proving yourself either right or wrong. Why don't you go for that girl that looks like a 10? Because you think you don't have a chance, well guess what confidence is everything. And you most certainly never have a chance if you don't TRY. So fucking try. We're all so much more than what we actually are at this moment. We just need to breakout of ourselves and get out of our own heads to SEE THAT. PMO is keeping us weak. That is why when we stop we feel increased confidence because our metrics have changed. That isn't us. We're made to believe we can't get real women so that's why we engage in that. We're made to believe that the world outside is scary so we stay inside and waste time on the internet. Stop avoiding things that will help you. If it's scary that's good. Fear is beneficial in this regard. Think about what you can become and why you aren't that now. Act on it. There aren't any set rules when you're born that say you're going to be like this forever. You determine that. That's all I've got to say. I want to also point out I've thought to myself that I could never make a post like this because I'm not the type that could give advice. That I'm a guy that doesn't know what he's talking about. But after writing this I do. And I know that I'm able to convey messages very concisely. Thanks for reading.
Sticking to what you know (even if it's bad for you) is a lot less uncertain and scary than trying something new. The devil you know vs the devil you don't. Sticking to old patterns / behaviors / thoughts / limiting beliefs / stories that hold you back is easier than starting over. When people think "this is me and I can't change", what they really mean is "I'm procrastinating and hesitant on changing because I'm afraid that trying something new will introduce new emotional pain into my life." Being pessimistic rewards people with certainty and not having to put effort or care about something that might not work. They will go as far as self sabotaging to fulfill that belief that things won't work out ("I knew it wouldn't work... I shouldn't have even tried."). The certainty of not even trying is more comfortable than the uncertainty of going after what you want. Some might put in a hesitant and mediocre effort... which might be even worst than not doing anything at all. They make the effort while expecting a negative experience. So they play not to lose and walk on eggshells. They make a weak effort while trying to protect themselves emotionally. Change takes commitment. To see things through whether it's a positive or a negative experience. You have to be willing to lose, fail, and make mistakes, but people's comfortable story about themselves won't let them do that. The successful ones are the people that are willing to destroy their identity and interrupt their default state by taking risks. By challenging their assumptions and limiting beliefs. Make the most out of life by seeing what you can get away with in this experimental playground. Rather than protecting your comfort so that you never experience anything. “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.” You're not the type to give advice until you become the type to give advice. Sometimes you'll give good ones and sometimes you'll give bad ones, but if you don't try and learn, then you won't be the type to give advice.
