Looking for some friends 36 male

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by jcforreal, Mar 30, 2019.

  1. jcforreal

    jcforreal Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,

    Just joined Nofap about 20 minutes ago, currently at one day no PMO. Been semi depressed lately as I just started a new job and have no real friends in this new town, on top of that I am addicted to Porn which doesn't help the situation, im just self medicating and creating social anxiety.
    I live by myself and find that hard because I become a hermit, I struggle with stepping outside my comfort zone and enjoy being independent (probably too much), I have lost my sense of drive because I just turned 36 and am struggling to find purpose without a wife or kids and a family that lives 9 hours away. I am just working and coming home to an empty unit and that in itself is not encouraging. I don't have any real goals at the moment except for kicking PMO. I want to achieve some big goals, I just need a mentor or mentors to help me, I know once I have rebooted I will have a much clearer head and probably more motivation.
    I'm also Christian and believe in marriage and trusting God for a wife.
    Looking forward to hearing from you
     
  2. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Hello!

    Welcome to the community brother.
    You said that you just started a new job in a new town. It will always take some to get going in a new environment.
    It's amazing that you have big goals. Be patient, take small steps at a time, work hard for those goals and be proud of the small achievements that you accomplish.

    Wish you all the best and Nofap will definitely help you in this journey.
     
    jcforreal likes this.
  3. jcforreal

    jcforreal Fapstronaut

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    Hey Roffelaar,

    Thanks for your comment friend, it is much appreciated.
     
  4. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

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    Hey, 31 m.
    Lonly aswell.

    Christian also.

    Shoot whenever you want to talk.

    I will add KiK and Whatsapp, if you want to talk more.
     
    Felipe.dasilva likes this.
  5. ADGiving

    ADGiving Fapstronaut

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    hey man, we have a discord server u can join and talk to us anytime u feel like https://discord.gg/ZeRNtD
     
    GeeJ and jcforreal like this.
  6. Minnesotan

    Minnesotan Fapstronaut

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    Hey jc, I’m Christian too. Sorry I didn’t get back to you. I relapsed today. I’m in a similar spot as you. 35, divorced, live alone.
     
    jcforreal likes this.
  7. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed today aswell.
     
  8. jcforreal

    jcforreal Fapstronaut

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    Thanks ADGiving, appreciate that support brother.
     
  9. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    I have a pretty lonely life as well and I noticed that the addiction to PMO likes to manifest itself when I feel self-pity for myself. It's a clever rationalization that the brain makes for why you should do PMO. Do NOT give into self-pity. One thought that I kept repeating to myself last night was that "This loneliness is temporary. This is my challenge/test for now but it won't be forever."

    I'm currently in the process of building a better/stronger group of friends and I'll be done with some course work in a few months so I'll have a better job/opportunities within a year or so.

    And man, you mentioned that you're a Christian right? You want wife and kids right? Then guess what? It's only temporary for you too. Consider your current loneliness a test from God to see how strong your will is. One day this loneliness will be replaced with a wife and kids. But before you replace it, become more strong willed. Don't find your wife out of weakness and loneliness but rather out of strength and a willingness to face life's challenges.

    Just some food for thought...
     
  10. Felipe.dasilva

    Felipe.dasilva Fapstronaut

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    I'm a Christian man as well. Early 30's. Message me If you need an AP.
     
    GeeJ likes this.
  11. StraightEdge3616

    StraightEdge3616 Fapstronaut

    31 year old guy here, married but my wife works extremely long hours and I'm home majority of the day alone. Feel free to message me...this goes to anyone out there reading this! Would love to communicate with anyone going through the loneliness problem.
     
    GeeJ likes this.
  12. jcforreal

    jcforreal Fapstronaut

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    Hi friends,

    Thanks for all the replies, appreciate the encouragement you probalby don't know how much it really means but just being on this forum is helping me immensely, great hearing all your stories of how you are doing life in a similar way. I guess we all develop our own survival and coping methods, even though I get lonely, theres always a hope and I hold onto that, good knowing I have a Saviour who will never leave or forsake me, but still sometimes its not easy being a Christian and we need friends around us which is part of a healthy and normal lifestyle. Its different when you enter your 30's most men my age are married off and are putting their families as their number one priority and so I generally have to cope with associates rather than friends. Pray for me. God bless.
     
    GeeJ likes this.
  13. Hey man, I feel ya. I've been in a similar situations before. I'm 35, never married, no kids, Christian. When I first moved to my current city, I felt very alone and hermit-like. Kinda enjoyed it, but it led to lots of loneliness, depression and bad habits. I was able to make quick friends when I decided to step out of my comfort zone a bit.

    Luckily, as Christians, if we are a part of a good local church, there should be ways you can start to meet people. One of the difficulties is that in Christian circles, you may be surrounded by a lot of married couples, which can lead to more loneliness unless you can stop yourself from comparing your life to theirs. On the upside perhaps they'll have some single friends they'd like you to meet ;)

    Remember too, as a follower of Christ, that Jesus himself was very lonely all the time. 'Foxes have holes, birds have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head". And he was abandoned by all his friends and family during his time of greatest need (his trial and execution), AND he was abandoned by the Father himself on the cross. Jesus experience all this so WE wouldn't be abandoned when we need Him.

    Hope that's a comfort to you! Reach out anytime you need!
     
    jcforreal likes this.
  14. Felipe.dasilva

    Felipe.dasilva Fapstronaut

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    Being a part of a local church has helped me a lot as well
     
  15. Felipe.dasilva

    Felipe.dasilva Fapstronaut

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    Cool I have WhatsApp and need help sometimes
     
  16. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

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    Call send me your kik or whatsapp
     
  17. jcforreal

    jcforreal Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, really encouraging hearing your comment. Indeed I am part of a local church, it's taking a bit of time to break into the mold and get to know a few people and connecting etc. I am trying to concentrate on my relationship with God believing He will bring the wife soon.
    Jesus was always rolling with his boys though, only for 40 days was he alone and then during his arrest and when he went to be with the Father for prayer in between those times. If I had 12 best friends I was doing life with I would be blessed in abundance.
    Kinda interesting that for 33 years Jesus never once masturbated or had impure thoughts about women, I believe God would of given Him a desire for a partner so he could understand us men more. Pretty darn amazing...imagine the babes that would of been floating around following Him.
     
  18. True, the group of disciples is great example of how and why we need a "tribe" and that we are made for friendship. Of course, one of them turned out to be a fake, and the rest abandoned him in his time of greatest need, but of course all was restored after his death and resurrection, which is how we can know he will never leave or abandon US! I agree if I had 12 friends like that, it would almost be TOO many!

    I have gotten great encouragement thinking about how, as you mentioned, He most definitely had a desire for women but never gave in to any impure thoughts or sexual sin. He went through puberty like the rest of us after all! He must have endured a lot of sadness and pain living in a culture that valued marriage, family, and children so highly. I'm sure he had a longing for a wife, being a single man in that culture into his 30s. Granted there is the biblical metaphor of the church as his bride, which is amazing, but we're strictly speaking of his human life here. When I turned 30, and was feeling depressed for not being married yet, I felt great friendship and steadfastness from Him. Almost like He was comforting me by saying "Yes, my son, I've been exactly where you are now".

    Now that I'm 35, it's still painful sometimes, but I try to remember to be thankful of some of the freedoms and enjoyment that come from the single life. And also encouraged by people like my dad and my uncle, who didn't get married until they were 33 and 36 respectively, and ended up with wonderful family lives.
     
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  19. Nice to meet you. Fell lonely too sometimes
     
    GeeJ likes this.
  20. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

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    No, problem.
    If you you want to talk, just shoot a message.
     

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