hi everyone, I am new to this community and to this site. I just recently admitted that porn had negatively effected my life and that I need to break from the addiction. My current girlfriend made me face the truth after I admitted that I watch porn often. She hates porn with a passion and thinks it is degrading to women and unhealthy and creates problems in a relationship. I agree that it creates problems because I have had issues in previous relationships where it got in the way. One major way is that it has messed with my brain to the point where it is difficult to maintain a hard on during sex. Since we are ling distance still, she feels that she needs someone she can trust to check in with who is also helping me here where I live. She wants it to be my parents because I don’t have many close friends and she won’t trust that they will tell her the truth always. I don’t want to tell my parents because I don’t think I would recover from the shame I would feel. I never talk to my parents about sex and this would change their view of me and maybe even how they interact with me. If that happened I would probably take it out on my girlfriend for forcing me to tell them. I don’t know what to do. I just want to go about this recovery without my parents being involved but I don’t know if my girlfriend will be ok with that.
i told my mom about my addiction, but not my dad, honestly it has made things easier and i dont feel shame, but i guess it depends what your parents are like.
Thank you for your thoughts. Do you feel like your relationship with your mother has changed since? I have never talked about sex with my mom so this frightens me. I don’t want her to know that I have been doing this. I don’t want her to look at me differently.
Take it slow mate. Put down the thoughts you want to tell your parents. Usually, family is the one you should retort to IRL. But, you should also try to hold yourself accountable by journalling and talking to your SO more often about your progress. Plus, work on having better habits for yourself.
I am very hesitant to talk to my parents but I can at least write what I might say. Sex just isn’t something I ever talked about with them and I don’t wanna hear about their sexual habits which I am sure my mom will want to share in order to make me “feel better”. But i am also really concerned that my girlfriend will force me to tell them or tell them herself and then I will resent her for it maybe.
Get some help with people you can work things out with; if there is a 12 step group nearby, go there and get a sponsor. Find an Accountability Partner here. Maybe a CSAT. Do this for yourself. Do this in a big way clearing the decks to reach for recovery in a big way.
If you do not feel comfortable talking with your parents about this - do not let her force you to do that. It is unfair and I think unnecessary. Give her your word that you are trying to improve and that you will confide in HER. Be honest with her, when you relapse, when you're feeling down, etc. I can't imagine ever involving my parents in something like this.
In my case, i talk a lot with my parents about my problems and they always help me and my relationship with them never changed. I told to my father about my porn addiction and he is always very supportive with me and thats why i don't feel uncomfortable after talking about these issues. Obviously the first time that i talked with them about these problems i was very nervous but at the same time i was tired of my issues so my parents were the first way to look for a solution.
