jwitcher's Journey Log

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Reboot Logs' started by jwitcher, Jan 2, 2019.

  1. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Day one - 2nd January 2019
    I start off by saying I've been through ups and downs with this journey, but it is a normal situation when we face the evil that is porn, joined by masturbating and orgasm.
    However, I'm hoping that I can update my journal often, and keep myself accountable if an eventual snap happens.
    I hope 2019 will be a much better year than last year, and I'll be a much better person.
  2. MusicMan123

    MusicMan123 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for follow. PM me your story.
  3. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    I'd rather log it out here haha. :)
    Day two - 3rd January 2019.
    Urges are a terrible thing, they can command you to just get that "5 seconds thing". No. I'm not giving in, I've been dealing with you for far too long...Remember when I went up in my teens just jacking it unconciously? I don't want to recap that. I don't want to spend time peeking, wanting to see hot as hell material just to get some pleasure for 5 seconds. No. It's not worth it.
    I'm older, and I want to be wiser, not dumber.
  4. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Day three - 4th January

    This is a good day - and I'm convinced of it.
    I feel like the urges have subsided from yesterday...but I know better. The first days are almost always easy.
    But my brain will want to rationalize, to find ways for me to get back into the dirty habit.
    No, sir. You don't get your PMO. You don't get that dopamine from jacking. You'll get it from healthy stuff, cause 150-300 regulars in the Club D is way better than 5000 from a stupid 5 seconds moment of so-called pleasure. (thanks sparky for that fun post, it inspires me daily.)
    I'm also watching motivational/organizational videos, so I'm taking action to make my life better.


    P.S. My SO is beautiful as ever, and I can't imagine my life without her.
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2019
    Basith and MusicMan123 like this.
  5. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Day four - 5th January
    Nothing much to report, but all I can say is I'm feeling very very good when discussing with my SO. She's supportive of my journey and wants me to be a better man. I've told her I'm doing this because I want to respect and appreciate the intimate moments and to clean off the idea that porn gave me about sexual intercourse. While the act itself is pretty simple, sex should be used for creating a deeper bond in a commited relationship, not for just the pleasure of fucking. :D

    I'm still on a long journey to reboot completely from this crap that is porn.
    But I'm not alone, and that comforts me.:)
    Basith and MusicMan123 like this.
  6. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Aaaand I almost slipped, by searching some Visual Novels with mature content in them, and ending up seeing a playthrough of one where a descriptive sexual scene was going on - but I caught myself and stopped.
    Screw it. This dopamine craziness is real...
    Basith likes this.
  7. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Day 5 - 6th January
    Urges come and go, but at least I know what the heck triggers me :cool:
    And I've been under control, so far - I'm trying to find ways to stay motivated, though.
    Maybe I should start keeping a to-do list;)

    So far, so good - if I can make it to 30 days without PMO, I'll be proud, and smash through to the next milestone. I'm hoping that 90 days will cure me from this crap, since it damages me and my relationship too.:(
    Basith likes this.
  8. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Day 6 - 7th January
    My brain is fucking with me. Literally asks me if I can give in to M, if I can peek for a bit and do some touch.
    It doesn't help that I'm also conflicted on how to be impartial about what works and what doesn't work when it comes to intimacy with my SO - not gonna happen just yet but I want to be prepared for it.
    I'm not gonna relapse, not gonna give in, I don't want to fuck this up.
    I want to be a better man than yesterday, and she is the one I want to grow old with.

    Starting off today, I'm gonna keep a to-do list (not sure it's accurate but some stuff to help me along in staying OK - might add to it)

    Being productive :emoji_white_check_mark:
    Staying away from triggering stuff :emoji_bangbang:
    (I've watched some P-subs)
    Being grateful for everything :emoji_white_check_mark:
    Combating urges:emoji_white_check_mark:
    (Strong as hell, but I didn't PMO)
  9. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Day 0 - I've relapsed.
    Damn. I know what causes resets now - but what is worse is that I gave in, regardless of my attempts to dissuade myself from not doing it. It was an MO. Still not okay - I've come down here to just write it, as consequence. And I need to put a set of consequences for myself in order not to reset again, or worse, end up relapsing and just breaking the streak.

    I was at effing six days. Six. I could've had a week from abstaining, but no, my brain tricked me this time.
    I'm glad however, that I'm not seeking out P to break all of my will. Porn sucks, and you know it.
    Also, Club D has 5500 inhabitants, you happy? You think all of this was worth it? WHERE'S YOUR FRICKEN BOUNCER? WHERE'S YOUR WILLPOWER TO TELL MR. MASTURBATION TO GO FIND SOME OTHER IDIOT TO SCREW UP? :mad:

    Get back on that saddle and don't fucking do it again. Do not let this shit fuck everything in your life.
    Basith likes this.
  10. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Day 1 - 9th of January
    Uneventful day, but at least I can say I've learnt a few things from this last reset...
    - Whatever you do, do not give in to those urges. Do something else, like working out for a bit, regardless if your brain will say "why don't u MO/PMO for a bit, it won't hurt". Five seconds of pleasure are just the key to getting back in the vicious cycle you struggle so much to get out of. So no. Five seconds of my time go elsewhere than PMO.
    - You're not watching porn or its' crap substitutes, because you know it sucks as a whole and dehumanizes love/intimacy too. I don't want to be that kind of a man.
    - Be proud of who you are, and stay strong in your morals. :)

    Good luck to anyone watching this journal, I hope you're getting better.
    White Sheep likes this.
  11. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Day 2 - 10th of January
    Had some urges today, but I didn't give in. I remember that 5 seconds of my time MUST go elsewhere than PMO.
    Other than that, I did some productive work today. Focusing on serious stuff helps :D
    Playing video games helps too.

    No Porn watched today, so that is good. :)
    I'm not gonna let my guard down, cause, as you've seen, the first week is always the hardest.
    Urges suck. Absolutely and definitely suck, but they're not gonna win this time.
    I've had my fair share of good streaks - I had once 52 days on no PMO, last year - but I need that steel-y willpower back.

    Keep going, no matter what.
    And NEVER give up on this journey.

    Good luck.

    P.S. My SO is amazing, cause she's the one that makes me smile everyday.
    And I know I can be stronger than this addiction.
    White Sheep likes this.
  12. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Day 3 -11th January.
    Things have been crazy lately, but I think everything should be okay.
    However, I've had no urges and PMO is off the table, which is good.
    If I can beat my previous attempt, I'll be much better prepared in the long term.

    Good luck. Don't give up.
  13. jwitcher

    jwitcher Fapstronaut

    Day 18 - 26th January.
    A lot of things happened. Good things, stupid things...
    But I am not about to stop this journey, nor stop changing for the GOOD.
    I'm so, so tired of who I seem to be right now. Too many flaws unaddressed.
    Even if she's supporting me, I don't want to be less than the one she saw last year - the gentleman.

    I cherish you too much, my love.
    And I'd be honestly gone if it wouldn't be for you.
    But I also want to be good...
    I hope I'll stick to being the gentleman you saw and know is in me.
    I love you.

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