Leaving the Hive

Packed up the car . He used it while I was away . A crumpled receipt for ANOTHER LAPTOP the day after I left . Spiral away mother fucker

 

I left as well . Came back to vent in my journal and to be supported in a safe place

 

My relationship of 23 years is ending trough text and email . I had to tell my boys last night . My boys were with me when I found the receipt for the laptop . I tried to hide my pain , my trigger . My oldest had to drive us to the summer rental . I told them what they needed to know .

 

TBH I’m a broken woman . His texts now are like I just stumbled on him watching porn for the first time. He is not understanding why this would end us . Not even close

 

I’m trying to be the mature one . But his last text wtf . Like all the work and tools went out the window. I’d like to say I don’t know this person , but I’ve met him many times before . Like delusional. I’m literally shaking my damned head . I’m done responding. He’s just a fucking idiot at this point . Saying we can’t afford him to leave in the previous text . I’ll pick this text apart .

I lie about a laptop. That is your "betrayal".
( UM NO MY BETRAYAL IS 15 years of lying , hiding , escalated to looking up escorts)

Couples cheat on each other and have feelings towards other people and work thru it. You won't allow me to have any dopamine fix on a quick and meaningless video clip. My only dopamine allowed is with you . I was sober for months and I felt I lost my sex drive.
( MONTHS ? Im confused DDAY was 12:16’ ) HIS SEX DRIVE WAS NOT REALITY BASED , HIS SEX DRIVE FOR HIMSELF )

I'm sorry but that is the truth. If I didn't want to have sex with you at least once a week, even though you wanted twice, you would withdraw and have all these insecure thoughts and feelings. ( I INITIATED EVERYTHING,NOT INSECURE AT ALL , I WEAR COSTUMES FOR FUCKS SAKE , I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT CHANGED )

I can give it up, I did for months, but it changed my thoughts/feelings towards any kind of sex/intimacy with you. I lose either way. ( I DONT UNDERSTAND THIS PART AT ALL )
I am sorry. I do love you. I hate that this is where we are at. We don't see this the same at all. From what I see out there talking to other married men, I am pretty good. I am faithful to you, respect women and love you.
( LIKE WTF .TOTAL SPIN MOVE RIGHT THERE , GIVING ME NOTHING TO WORK WITH )

 

I am strong . I’m just completely at a loss . Yes in time I’ll be fine . But this is not what I WANTED . For my family to split up . But I know with his texts and his behavior he’s giving me no choices.

 

I think I needed someone in the same position to read it and tell me I’m not crazy . His gaslighting is starting to make me feel like I made a mountain out of a mole hill . But then I remind myself he just bought ANOTHER laptop a week ago

 

The Laptop fund is OUR joint checking
My boys are my life . ♥️♥️ They’ve been helping out a lot
I spoke with Hannah at Bloom today she had me read this part over and over again out loud . To fully absorb what he is saying. He is basically saying none of the other stuff happened. That now that he’s not “ an addict in quantity “ he can watch it all the while lying and hiding . No harm no foul


I lie about a laptop . That is your “betrayal “


Dummy . If I’m super woman he’s super dummy addict

 

My youngest (17) is threatening to text him . He wants to text him to WAKE UP YOU ARE ABOUT TO LOSE EVERYTHING. I asked him for ME , please don’t . Go fish go have fun . I knew this was going to happen . He’s literally ME . That’s without me telling him anything other than the other night . He just keeps saying he should BE here . He just keeps saying he wants to text him to TRY .
I wish I told them NOTHING . I don’t want them to worry or be anxious. But then it would be more blindsiding .