The main thing is to get through this with God and not with PMO. If you have a godly married guy friend who knows you, talk to him about it. If you do not have one I recommend your pursue a relationship like this. It is important for you emotionally and spiritually.
What does this mean in terms of my reboot? My wife doesn't want to reset the hard mode fast to day 0. Slipped up with M on day 49 of fast. Prior to fast had also done 27 days of hard mode due to circumstances. Will nofap 'normal mode' get my brain to the same destination as 'hard mode' eventually? Does it matter? Should I care?
I think that if you are married, then you should be open to meeting the needs of your wife. "Normal mode" will get you the same place as "hard mode." The point is to abandon the superstimulii of unlimited and enhanced sexual partners made up of pixels on a screen. If you are having sex with your wife, that's safe, healthy, and healing.
I never did hard mode during my recovery and never had a prolonged period of abstention from my wife. Recovery can definitely occur without the need for hard mode.
Thank you. That is helpful experience. Never done this before while married. First time I recovered I was single!
150 days no porn 5 days no masturbation 0 days no orgasm - had a nocturnal emission last night day 55 out of 90 of sex fast Gosh keeping track of all of this is getting complicated! I had a nocturnal emission last night, with no accompanying erotic imagery. I don't understand my body! Maybe this happened because I masturbated 5 days ago, and my body wanted more. Or maybe it happened because temptation reduced, so my desires went more into my subconscious? I really don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. I do feel like I am experiencing a bit of the chaser effect though. Some heightened temptation in thoughts around P today and sensitivity to triggers. Need to stay accountable, keep my guard up. Grateful for this anonymous forum as a place to process these things and receive encouragement in addition to my accountability partner and support group.
Sounds like you are doing well. We definitely do not control the dreams we have when we are sleeping, you shouldn't beat yourself up over them. In my case, I know it is important not to dwell on such dreams but to put them out of my mind when I recall them and replace them with more wholesome thoughts and pursuits.
Day 155 no P Day 10 no M Day 5 no O (due to nocturnal emission) Day 59 out of 90 of sex fast I am full of sexual energy. I am all charged up. Little triggers have a big effect on me. Women in the street or in public are strongly attractive. I do not think any of this is bad in itself. It is just the way it is. What matters is what I do with this energy and whether I lust. The problem is that I am currently in a mutually agreed fast with my wife and that I often feel and/or am rejected by her (we’re working on it in counseling). I cannot contain my sexual energy to my wife at this time. The solution? I need to contain my sexual energy in God. I give you my sexual energy God; I hide it in you. I surrender it to you. Thank you that YOU love and accept me. Thank you that in connection with YOU I can receive the strength and power not to lust and to rechannel my sexual energy into other positive activites. Please help me to do that. Amen.
Looked at P. Stopped. Did not M. Ouch. Time to get rid of my smartphone (again). Thought I could handle having one. Can't.
We commit to doing whatever it takes to get free and stay free, no matter the cost. Freedom has a price; it is worth it. Onward!
Well done for spotting the mistake, admitting the weak point and deciding to take action. Keep on keeping on my friend
Sincere congratulations on this realization, your honest admission and your determination to take action. Very well done! With such honest analysis and determination, I am certain you will find success. Great job!
Thanks for the encouragement guys. I thought I had found a system that worked in terms of blocking on my smartphone. But when the tough time and the temptation came it was incredibly easy to circumvent. Fact of the matter is they are machines designed to access the internet. Maybe other recovering PMO addicts can handle having them, but not me. At least not at this time in my life/recovery, evidently. I deluded myself. Anyway: No P day 2 No M day 14 No O day 2 (due to nocturnal emission in night after viewing P). Sex fast day 63 out of 90 I need to take some small comfort out of the facts that: -when I masturbated two weeks ago, it was in the middle of the night, without porn, and it was very quick -when I looked at P two days ago, I did not even get an erection, felt terrible, did not M, and turned it off after a brief while I really hope this is progress. Whatever it takes. I need to do whatever it takes to get free of this again.
I think a more realistic measure of progress is how little often you PMO now compared to how often you used to. In fact, I don't think it can be truly quantified. There's no number that tells us how much our hearts have changed. In any case, given that it's a setback after circa 150 days, I would say you are making progress. If you feel more and more disgusted by PMO then that's progress too. Keep on keeping on
Consider using a habit calendar to get a better idea of your true progress, as @XandeXIV alludes to. One number on a counter cannot possibly capture the reality of the change within us, especially in the first 100 days. Using a red/yellow/green calendar system can be a real eye-opener, both positively and otherwise.
That is a great idea! It reminds me of the measures that have been developed to measure safety performance in heavy industry. Instead of simply measuring the number of accidents and incidents, they also measure incident frequency. Having much experience with such metrics, I must offer a caution. That is, one must not forget that the ultimate goal is to get to zero and to never be content with anything less. In other words, good can become the enemy of great.
By the same token, esp. early on, the goal of perfection can be come the enemy of merely making progress. As we say in recovery, "progress, not perfection" -- because today I can make progress, even if I cannot yet be perfect. So, do not let the great become the enemy of the good, either. May God continue to perfect each of us in love toward one another.
