It's not just a porn problem ...

Good for you, RD. You've realised some truly important things. You've fallen so low that your only choice is up.

I was also badly scared when I started my reboot. It seemed impossible — literally impossible. But, like you, I had no choice.

I'm not scared any more. But I'm also not complacent.

Keep strong. You can do it.

 

Can you be specific about what the two problems are, please? I think that I know what you mean from reading your first post, but I'm unsure, and I don't want to give you an irrelevant reply.

 

Thanks for the clarification, @ruggerdoug .

An important piece of background before I answer your question:

An addiction always happens for a reason, i.e. some emotional problem.
And then the addiction always exacerbates existing problems, and creates new ones!​

One: Erectile Dysfunction

The primary cause of this isn't feelings of inadequacy, believe it or not, although I appreciate that it might well contribute.

The primary cause is the physical set of changes to your brain that the PMO has caused. Porn is a super-stimulus that hijacks the normal functioning of sexual response — not just the physical response, but also the emotional and connection responses.

Fortunately, these changes are reversible. I use the metaphor of a monster. Think of the addiction (the changes to your brain) as a monster. You need to starve the monster so that it dies. But the monster takes quite a while to die — looking at anecdotal evidence, this seems to be a minimum of three months.

That's why the site recommends a 90-day hard reboot.

When you go onto a hard reboot, but then reset before the time is up, the monster isn't dead yet. It might be on its death bed already, but that one PMO gives it enough food to burst out of bed, like a super-villain, and rear its ugly head again.

When you starve the monster, your brain starts to undo the damage done — the brain is a wonderfully plastic organ that can heal itself if you just give it the chance!

To solve your ED, you must do a hard reboot: no-PMO for 90 days at least. Stick with no-PMO your whole life, except while you have a partner, during which time stick to no-PM. Oh, and a prostitute (or strip club or whatever) is like super-charged PMO, so don't treat them as a partner.

Once you are past your hard reboot, if you still have ED, it should be relatively simple to fix. After your hard reboot, let us know if it's still happening.

Two: Feelings of personal inadequacy

Of course, these feelings will contribute to your ED. But, one step at a time…

These feelings are made much worse by your addiction. I've read this on the forum time and again, as well as seeing it documented and explained in videos.

You don't know exactly how inadequate you feel without your addiction until after your hard reboot.

So, the prescription is the same: Do a 90-day hard reboot, and then re-evaluate how you feel.

Personal inadequacies, and non-porn-related ED (barring medical problems), can usually be fairly simply solved. As with your ED, after your reboot, let us know how you feel.

 

That's the spirit, @ruggerdoug !
Best of luck with your journey.

Study the articles on the main site, if you haven't already, because that will help calm your nerves when your mind and body go through some strange feelings and reactions. You'll be expecting them instead of being shocked by them.

I know that I got scared a couple of times earlier in my reboot, and had I not read the articles, I would have relapsed from the fear.

There have also been times when it's been so easy to do (especially during flatlining), that I could have become complacent. But I didn't; I kept my guard up, so when the monster snuck up behind me and pounced, I was ready, and I didn't fall for it.

 

I am a 27 year old woman and until May 2018 I had a sick addiction to a dating app. i started off that i wanted to use it to find a healthy relationship with a guy (everyone was talking about this app at a gathering when I was 22-23). One of the biggest mistakes of my life, for real. After the end of a relationship/heartbreak I would go back at downloading it trying to heal my pain pretending i didn't care (i used it also to spend my long free time, I didn't have friends and couldn't meet guys in real life. i also used it to boost my ego going on first dates and dumping the guy. i became an expert in dates and i wanted to be wanted

saw being with a guy= happy), even though i didn't try to meet them in my life nowadays we are encouraged to use dating apps instead of doing as our parents did

also chasing being with a guy especially after i was tired to be single and alone and wanted to be hugged and loved by a guy that I liked, dating app is the unhealthy way to go about love and bonding. i met 3 guys that i actually had s. with and seen for months in a monogamous way from my side but not from their side (having one guy i liked assuring that my libido and my thirst for love were "satisfied" making sure i didn't need to find another guy. not gonna lie, i was afraid in the past of me seeing multiple people in the meantime with the libido i had)

the f.up thing is i kept seeing them, i struggled to leave those bad relationships that mutilated my self-esteem, destroyed me, made me feel unworthy when i felt the need to compete with i dunno how many girls. Thank God, I felt the need to go tested in a clinic and it was ok, very humiliating but ok for my health. i would say my relationships with guys were always unhealthy but the guys i met via dating app were even worse in my opinion and it took building myself from scratch

Just yesterday I paid attention to some ads around my city and (buses etc.) and i noticed tons of different dating apps (one for over 50s, one saying it was for Catholic people etc. basically for any kind of person). really sad. i am so happy i reached a point i was so fed up and broken and maybe also the fact that at 26 i felt too old for a dating app and dating app. so happy dating apps are not appealing to me anymore

tired of being one of the options for a guy. i want to date a guy who sees me as his only girl, priority otherwise i am better off by myself. dating apps are killing real relationships especially for someone with s. addiction like me. get rid of dating app for good, that's my advice

you deserve a good woman. believe it because you do. work on your self love. i watched a video and the guy said if you love yourself 20% and someone comes along and loves you 30% you think it is enough and you settle for that and think that the maximum you deserve. It is not. love yourself 100% and get you will get a woman who will love you as you deserve. I am working in progress myself but loving myself makes me happy and i need to remind me of that

you gotta have a long streak with at least no p. and then see how your tool does i re-started on at the end of august my 2nd and final reboot and now i got a pretty similar low libido as when i was 4 months into my 1st reboot. get to know yourself (your body reactions too especially after being away from p. for a while)

 

you have to actively and seriously be committed to improve yourself. if you don't take care of improving yourself while your reboot, you'll still relapse after a moment when you feel lost or very stressed. it happened the same to me about a year ago. i was very upset about myself after having had s. a year after not wanting to and i relapsed and had a dark period

learn more yourself (body reactions and mind reactions) why you did what you did in the past? etc. study yourself. nobody can know you better than you even though sometimes articles on the internet helped greatly understanding what i was dealing with. awkward to admit but i got my confirmation i was a s. addict by filling in an online test of one of the recovery groups. it also helps me to write stuff down on a notepad i have with me. see what works for you. talk more with your therapist or if you don't feel great understanding change and get a new therapist. fight for yourself! but do it first of all for you not for other people

Let's make 2019 amazing

 

Hi ruggerdoug! Of your story, i think is better you dont talk about no-fapping with a possible girlfriend. If you talk about it with a girl, is because is your best friend or your sister or something dont fuckable. The women dont know the pmo frequency in men, and many of them think that the majority of us dont see porn, or maybe the 50% of men dont masturbate.

Yes, It's absolutely false, I know it