IT DIDNT WORK!!

Hi guys.

So I started Nofap some 40 something days ago. I started while I was in my relationship and it was a real challenge. I had withdrawal and my relationship was also falling apart. We broke up this past Monday and I have relapsed since then... I continue to use P, I guess as a way to fill the space and time and run away from my feelings. I hate every time I watch porn. It actually puts me off but so far I haven't been able to start a streak again. And after PMO I just feel bad and resent myself.

What can I do now that I'm by myself to restart my journey and see It through because I had begun to see benefits and don't want to throw that all away by lazily resorting to what is familiar/addiction.

Thanks for your wisdom and all the best with your journeys!

 

Hey Jolie.

Thanks for the reply and good to hear from u again. Uve always got great insights. When we broke up I wasn't in a flatline, we'd actually had sex successfully every time we tried. The reason we broke up is because she wasn't a great communicator and had started to check out of the relationship. The last straw was when she started texting some guy from her past and I found out. I throughout this rough patch would then over persue and be paranoid and want to fix everything and she would pull away even more.

I hear you about not punishing myself but it's easier said than done right now. Especially cause I have no outlet for my sexual urges on top of the depression and loneliness. I am aware that this iss not a great spot to be in and I guess that's why I now just want to get back to rebuilding myself as a whole and come out better than before.

I'm not sure what the future holds for us but I do plan on resolving things. I know she will probably move on quickly and that will suck but hopefully I will also find someone who will knock my socks off. I just don't want to be hurt by hearing that she's dating or sleeping with so and so. Or seeing her with other guys. So for now I told her I'm going to disappear for a while to heal and recentre and so there no contact right now and I really just want to rebuild myself.

Yeah I didn't relapse until after. But now that I've gotten somewhat closure on it I'm going to try to get out of the depression and start with a 5 day streak and go from there. Plus there will be no pressure to perform or any stress or anything and I can just focus on trying the 90 day and onward challenge.

Anyway sorry for ranting or venting or if any of it was tmi. It just good to talk. Thanks for your continues support.

 

Hey,

Thanks for the kind words... Yeah I definitely need to find something to just take my mind and body away from the breakup and porn if I'm gonna succeed at being happy at the end of this.

You're right the porn actually makes me feel worse cause I know what It as affects are. Yeah I won't punish myself but I guess I will just have to start slowly and build up to where I'm proud of myself.

Thanks.

 

Jolie for the win. ✊

You always give the best advice. Yeah definitely not gonna sulk too long. Actually really keen to get back in the gym, play some basketball get my shot going. Make some new friends etc. I'm taking this as a rebuilding opportunity...

Yeah getting back on the wagon is gonna be tough but I think once I start that's half of the battle. Definitely not saying it's gonna be easy cause even before her I would use P as an escape from loneliness or feeling depressed/lazy. But I'm hopeful and I know I can do it and I know my triggers etc so...

Yeah definitely I will post in the forum when things get better. I can't thank u enough, it's crazy we don't know each other like apart from the forum and the support is so strong and we're probably in totally different countries etc. It's just amazing to see that type of support.

Cheers.

 

Hey AnonAnna...

Thanks... wow that's interesting to know about the broken bonds thing. Never knew that it actually had like a whole categorization... Yeah right now I'm honestly not sure about the future in terms of me and her. Still gauging whether I wanna deal with the negatives and risk getting back just to break up 3 weeks later. Right now just wanna rebuild myself and come out stronger. We do have the same friend circle and I know she's going to reach out to me at some point or another.

I'm sure the podcast will be super helpful though. Even in terms of the healing process. Yeah me and my ex weren't fighting that frequently until like the last few weeks. Come to find out she had been feeling bad about us but she never told me. But then she claims she never would've cheated she was just fearful of us being long term etc and also was looking for attention that I apparently wasn't giving her from this guy. I just think she was looking for any excuse to get out. Wish she just could've been honest about it.

Anyway I have good support in a few different areas. I've got a councillor, I've got a mentor and I've got great friends who are supporting me too. So I know I'm gonna emerge ok. Thanks again for the link and your kind supportive words. I will let you know how I found it. Cheers.

 

Hey, so I listened to the link and just wow! Like honestly it was sI profound but at the same time left me with so many questions. Like what she was saying about SOS of addicts and some of the feeling like you're not present and being hurt by that and being in a panicked state. Maybe she was in a panicked and I just he no clue because although I wasn't using P my recovery I guess was maybe taking me away from just being present with her. Honestly still confused whether that was the case but those are some of the things she had mentioned. I actually feel kind of bad for her now.

Then secondly it made me realize I've got a lot of work to do also. Even internally, I've always known I've had things to work on but yeah. I'll get to that...

Anyway thanks it was extremely informative and have me some real and true things to consider/ research.