Is This Natural?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by wentaas, Jul 13, 2018.

  1. wentaas

    wentaas Fapstronaut

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    Hello. I’m new here and I don’t know if this is a problem: I’m a fifteen years old boy and I don’t feel well when I don’t masturbate once a day. Sometimes I do it three times a day but once or twice a day is usually enough. I don’t need porn to masturbate but it’s mostly faster than imagining my stories or not imagining anything at all. I don’t think this interferes with what I want to do but I don’t know how else it affects me. I have just noticed that I can’t resist looking at girls of my age that I see on the streets. How nice is that? I think this is because of my age and I don’t want it to be otherwise. I’m really curious about what sex feels like but I’m too shy and maybe too young to learn it, so maybe that’s why I masturbate. I firstly want to learn if masturbating once or twice a day usually with porn is natural for a 15 year old boy.
     
  2. Max Fisher

    Max Fisher Fapstronaut

    First off hello and welcome. This is a hard question because the answer for me is yes and no. Its natural to become angry and lash out, punching and kicking people who are antagonizing you, but I would hope you control your anger. It's also natural to love cake but pretty unhealthy to eat three times a day. On the other hand I use to be 15 and can't remember a day I didn't think about sex, girls and masturbated so it's a very tall order to try and control it, but it's probably worth the effort to try. I think avoiding porn in all its forms should be step one at the least.
     
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  3. wentaas

    wentaas Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your answer. Surprisingly, the only effect of puberty that I noticed is sex and acnes. I used to be depressed but it lasted for a few months. I sometimes think my puberty is over but then I realise my acnes and interest in sex. How would avoiding porn help me if I still masturbate though?
     
  4. Kotn

    Kotn Fapstronaut

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    Hey welcome! I am a newcomer here too and just starting to learn all the science and details about nofap, but I would start by browsing through the different forums and reading the stories of others. You will start seeing similar themes that will answer a lot of the questions you have. And I think you'll be surprised how many people started their addiction at your age or close to it.

    How is avoiding porn helpful? I think partly it helps to break the cycle. First its imagination, then pictures, then internet porn videos, then hardcore, then bondage, the cycle continues and gets worse and worse until it consumes you. 5 to 10 years of this cycle and daily masturbation will get you no where closer to where you want to be in life.

    It's easy to brush it off at your age but daily masturbation is a red flag. Especially when you do it two or three times a day and feel bad when you don't do it. In highschool and college I would masturbate several times in one sitting just to relieve myself of the stress of homework and school, to the point that it'd cause me to procrastinate well into the night or cause me to skip the assignment altogether. But now I know I was just tricking my brain to feel good and to forget about the poor reality I was in.

    The first step is admitting you have a problem. I didn't do this until recently at 26 years old, I should have when I was 13.

    Do 15 year olds masturbate daily? - I think nowadays with easy access to porn, sure. But the real question is how has daily masturbation negatively affected you? Sit down for a couple minutes and think about this. Have you ever procrastinated on something just to go masturbate? Have you become less enthusiastic about things and though to yourself you'd rather be masturbating or watching porn? Has porn/masturbation contributed at all to your shyness (avoiding social gatherings & friends)?
     
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  5. liveclean

    liveclean Fapstronaut

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    Yes it is natural but doesn't mean it's good for you. Your story is pretty much how I started and now here I am 20 years later not able to stop. It's a slippery slope. Try not to let it take over your life. If I could go back to your age and stop myself getting hooked I would. Nothing good comes from it.
     
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  6. wentaas

    wentaas Fapstronaut

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    I didn’t expect so many answers, thanks to everyone for their answers.

    The real question is where I should stop. Wouldn’t it be unnatural to stop masturbating at all costs? Looking with a scientific/philosophic perspective, we’re supposed to have sex at these ages, I know this sounds gross in our current society, so masturbation with porn is the closest to this, or at least that’s how I think. I don’t really think this interferes with anything any more, and I avoid anything that is addictive (things that elease a lot of dopamine and are easy to achieve) but it’s different in this case, because it’s the nature, and it has consequences if we ignore the nature. I still don’t know if it’s as gross as I think it is for boys and girls to have sex in such ages. The only problem that masturbation could cause is that I have little to no interaction with girls in real life. I don’t really think real-life friendships contribute me, but it’s different when it comes to the opposite sex. Firstly, it’s because I am very shy in real life, especially with the opposite sex, but with boys too, it could be because I haven’t had much interaction in real life, for the reasons that I have mentioned. Secondly, it’s because I don’t like many people’s personality, I’m not really like the majority, so I’m not liked so much. Wow! That’s a long message, but I hope it explains everything well.
     
  7. wentaas

    wentaas Fapstronaut

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    I think the answer that I’ve just written answers your question too. I have more motivation to stop using porn, but does it help to go from porn and masturbation to imagine and masturbation (slower) or to just masturbation (slowest)?
     
  8. Kotn

    Kotn Fapstronaut

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    Masturbation is natural, sure. But masturbating daily and up to three times a day is definitely not. Like the previous poster said, you wouldn't eat cake two or three times a day.

    "we’re supposed to have sex at these ages, ..., so masturbation with porn is the closest to this"
    This is dangerous. I think ALOT of people (myself included) told themselves this lie starting out.

    Where should you stop?
    I don't know, and it depends on different factors such as how long have you had the problem.
    There's a lot of writing about this topic and I'm probably the wrong person to ask.

    Personally, If I was 15 again I would start a 20 to 30 day nofap then limit myself to once or twice a week. Also try to work on your shyness. It's ok to be different! But its not ok to be antisocial! I think being antisocial led myself to become very depressed and worsened my addiction.

    But overall I think you should set a goal, stick to it, and see how much better you feel.
     
    liveclean likes this.
  9. wentaas

    wentaas Fapstronaut

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    That answers about everything. I was one of the people that love eating the most, but just because I questioned and found that we eat not to starve, I stopped eating so much, which made me 18 KG thinner but that was never the point. I think I’d be able to do this. Would dating help? Especially when I don’t (and can’t since I’m on a vacation) masturbate, I want to date more, but I’m not used to this stuff, I don’t really like spending time with people and I’m shy. How should I fix this? (I’m not asking this because I want to date, I’d date only if it’d fix things.)
     
  10. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    Hi @wentaas,

    I recommend you avoid porn at all costs. At this age, your brain is still very flexible and porn can be dangerous. I got addicted to porn much later in my life, at the age of maybe 20-22, and I struggle so much abstaining from it. Ones who start earlier have a harder time recovering, if they happen to become addicted.

    As for masturbation, I'm not sure. I guess it is natural to some extent, but it depends on why you do it. If your urge to masturbate comes from anxiety, boredom, loneliness, or simply because you have porn-induced sexual fantasies all the time, I recommend at least doing it rarely. Also, remember that masturbating too often or too aggressively can cause lower sensitivity and some over problems, so at least do it gently. Search this forum for "death grip", "anorgasmia", "delayed ejaculation", "premature ejaculation" to learn more. This will help you avoid many problems which many of the older users of this forum experience.
     
  11. WorthAShot

    WorthAShot Fapstronaut

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    I'll weigh in, having been exactly where the OP was about 21 years ago. The internet was just becoming a household thing, people everywhere were getting second phone lines to use the internet, and my teenage self discovered the internet was full of pornography. I was a latchkey kid, my parents worked long hours and I was home alone after school, and all summer long until about dinner time, then we'd do family stuff and my parents would go to bed. Being a night owl, I'd also stay up really late using the internet to get more pornography after my parents were asleep and I would M 3, 4, 5 times a day every day in those years. I was also an irresponsible teen and was sexually active, which didn't do much to curb the M.

    The biggest problem is the the downsides of watching porn to generate that feedback loop of dopamine and giving in to the desire to M all the time isn't an immediate effect. It's insidious and takes a while to make you realize there's a problem. In my case, over 20 years. By the time the problem is readily apparent, life is pretty crappy. I got to the point where I couldn't maintain an erection during sex. I thought it was low testosterone levels, but after getting onto TRT from my doctor and keeping on top of the shots regularly, and followup testing to ensure my levels were good all the time, I still had the exact same problem, I just got excited a lot more. (As an aside, the TRT really did help a ton with depression-like symptoms and my weight and overall health, just not with the impotence). My skin had become desensitized from so much frequent stimulus that I just didn't feel much during sex. My brain had become so wired to the ability to click on the exact part of a video I wanted to see, and instantaneously download or stream a video containing more and more extreme pornography that just seeing my wife wasn't enough to keep me excited. When I was a teen, I was initially fine with watching very soft P. Things one might find in a magazine sold in a retail bookstore or something. Hell, I think I even got excited over the lingerie section of a department store catalogue as a teen.

    As the P consumption continued and the multiple times daily M continued unabated, my tastes in P grew more extreme and the stuff I had been watching just wasn't enough to generate that dopamine. No problem, the internet's got everything...unfortunately for reality, once the brain starts wanting the more and more extreme stuff, there eventually becomes a point where your tastes are so extreme, "mundane" sex, as in making love to your significant other, isn't enough to make you excited. Being unable to get excited for the person you love is a really shitty feeling. Knowing they probably also feel shitty because the person they love isn't excited over what they have to give makes it even shittier.

    You're really young, and you can nip this whole thing in the bud instead of living life like I did. That's time I will never, ever get back. I'm not saying you can't ever masturbate. There are differing schools of thought on it, and lots of research saying various things about it. It's a persona choice. The thing is that you should always have it be a choice, not a need. It shouldn't be something you don't feel right without, or something you can't stop yourself from doing. As for the pornography, I feel it's got no real need in a healthy person's day to day life. There may or may not be occasions where it's appropriate for someone in a specific situation, but I'm speaking in general. Pornography is something most everyone is here at nofap to get out of their lives. If you can remove the P from your life and bring the M into a choice rather than a need you don't feel right without, your years ahead won't be full of a lot of the negativity my years were.
     
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  12. Kotn

    Kotn Fapstronaut

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    Dating advice? I'm definitely not the one to ask! lol.
    Dating and making friends never gets any easier so its best to learn and start now.

    Start small
    When you get back to school I'd recommend joining a club or team. Just something that you're around others doing something you like to do. It's so much easier to make friends when share a common interest with them. There's lots of other advantages too, it looks great on a college application. In high school there's absolutely no excuse for not being involved in one or two extracurricular activities. Chess, acting, sports, shooting, debate, student government, marching band, the list goes on...

    But since you're on vacation look into programs offered near you that maybe have others your age in it. Swimming program, college prep program (SAT prep), learn a new skill. If that's not possible take some time daily to work on your fitness. You mentioned you lost weight. That's great! This does a lot to boost your self esteem and confidence around others. Keep at it and work to get into better shape. This will take your mind off of porn. Ask your parents to go sign up at a gym and take an intro class together. If that's not possible, go for a jog.

    Dating
    By being in a team/club, making friends, you are bound to become friends with girls and run into ones that like you. Basically its important to put in some groundwork and have an outlet where you get to show who you are while you learn more about them.

    Side advice. Don't discount the ones you don't "like" back. Looking back at high school I actually turned down several girls because I didn't think they were "hot enough" or they "weren't my type." I just was lying to myself. Truth was, I was just terrified of girls and wanted to continue being antisocial. it is all in your head, don't overthink it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2018
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  13. wentaas

    wentaas Fapstronaut

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    You are the best! I had never thought I'd learn so many things.

    I will reply all of your messages one by one, because I don't think I can reply multiple messages at once, and my reply replies almost all of your messages.

    I've concluded not to watch porn at all, though, I think I should mention that I don't watch straight up sex, those don't enjoy me. I watch ones that have a story, like step fantasy. How about imagining my own stories though? It makes me creative but should I do it?

    (not a reply) I have mentioned that I can't resist looking at girls of my age in real life. Is that nice? Also, I'm not sure about the 20 day - 30 day NoFap challenge. Should I do it? I also can't do eye contact with almost anyone, why could that be?

    It's depressing how big problems our impact on the nature create. I am motivated more to leave porn.

    I'm not antisocial at all, I just don't enjoy spending time with people and I think that's because of the people, not to blame them. Maybe they'll be changed when the holiday ends but even my interests are different. Who likes philosophy, questioning, linguistics, playing the keyboard or drum for fun, making videos, editing videos, programming, going deep into video games? More importantly, who hates social media, chatting with people except for debating, shopping, spending (wasting for me) money or time on things that will not contribute us. Those really cringe me and I can't help it. I could find many people like those that I search online but in high school and in Turkey and in a small school, you're limited to 30 people. Is there a solution to this? I hope there was, but I don't think there is. Why am I writing this? Wait...
     
  14. wentaas

    wentaas Fapstronaut

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    Also, does masturbation cause puberty acnes?
     
  15. SharingTheLoadHelps

    SharingTheLoadHelps Fapstronaut

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    Your side advise hit the nail. We all have to learn dealing with all kinds of people. We're not perfect either and there are people that don't like us. In real life, at work, you will be in contact with all kinds of personalities. Avoiding them may isolate you in the future. Learn how to live with their and your imperfections.
     
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  16. Kotn

    Kotn Fapstronaut

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    After a quick Google search I am pretty sure masturbation does not cause acne. But even if it did I think that is a small problem compared to what it does to your brain withwith .

    It's completely natural to have an almost irresistible urge to look at women. And it probably won't go away for a long while.

    There's different opinions when it comes to masturbation without porn and just using imagination. But for you I still recommend you just stop completely. At least for a month and see how much better you feel.

    Finding a friend is always hard. And finding a girlfriend is even harder. Just start small and don't turn down opportunities to meet others .I think you will be surprised how many people share similiar interests with you.

    But start small. You mentioned you don't maintain eye contact with people. Instead of looking at the ground look at their mouths
     
  17. wentaas

    wentaas Fapstronaut

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    I’m not so hopeful, but I’ll consider that when the school opens.
     
  18. wentaas

    wentaas Fapstronaut

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    I won’t lie, some people really cringe me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be in the same place with them, that just means I’m picky on my friendships and thinking about it, what could I share with those people?
     
  19. WorthAShot

    WorthAShot Fapstronaut

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    No, puberty acne in males is caused by the sudden influx of testosterone in your body from puberty. When the testes develop during puberty, the levels of testosterone are extremely high in order to force your body to go from being a child to being a man. If you are interested, there are plenty of research papers out there to read that talk about how the human body is initially formed and at the very beginning, the differences between males and females are few. Once puberty starts, the androgenic effects of testosterone become more apparent: increased muscle mass, libido, etc. There is a side effect of having large amounts of testosterone flowing in your body, and that's increased oil production of the skin. You can see it in a lot of body builders as well, some of whom take supraphysiological doses of testosterone to help build more muscle than they otherwise could. The increased oil production can lead to increased acne. The way that works for most (but not all) is to shower frequently to wash off all that oil and wash your face several times daily. If your skin dries out, you're doing it too much, but otherwise if the amount of oil being produced is so high washing it off will help the pores from becoming clogged. The average levels of testosterone in a healthy adult male vary from about 300 to about 1000 ng/dl. The average teen going through puberty usually sees closer to 1200 ng/dl on the high end, and a 20% increase is pretty significant.
     
  20. wentaas

    wentaas Fapstronaut

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    I’ll just try and see if it works. I hate cleaning though. I don’t care about my acnes too.
     

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