Is this manipulation?

Sounds like possible P-subbing, but it could also be because he just finds you sexy and wants to see you dress up? who knows in this world.

 

That is a tough one, but anyway you slice it if it makes you uncomfortable or it could be triggering for you - I would say: hard pass.

 

I think it’s partly trying to rationalize his behavior to himself and partly him trying to manipulate you into doing it because you fear if you don’t dress sexy he will look at porn. He’s saying in his head well if my wife had dressed sexy I would not have needed porn, but more importantly you are doing something you don’t want to do out of fear he will relapse. Do what you are comfortable with.

 

I agree with this a lot. Don't do anything you wouldn't have already wanted to do out of fear of relapse. That's not fair to you.

 

..... I don't know. I would be very upset by this.

 

Not sure if it’s necessarily manipulation but he is certainly trying to cultivate some dopamine hit by having you dress in a way that specifically turns him on. Like he’s making you the porn.

He should be focusing on intimacy and being close physically, rather than trying to get you to dress like a porn star.

 

@DemonSemen pretty much said what I was thinking about it.

 

Well it sounds like he’s trying. Emotions do go all over the place with this PA stuff.

 

Yeah that part sucks. Maybe the SOs have some advice on that one.

 

I personally feel like it's him trying to make you real live P, so yeah manipulative, but maybe on a subconscious level. But given he wanted you in that then rejected you... god that hurts.

I would say dress the way You want to. I know my husband is the opposite of yours.

I loved dressing sexy (crop tops, short shorts) because with my figure (pre pregnancy) it looked really good and I felt I didn't look good in casual clothes. When my husband and I were first together I assumed every guy wanted a girl to dress like that, so every time I saw him, in the beginning, I was dressed up, I didn't realize he hated that and thought I was dressing up for other guys, not him. He also didn't want other guys seeing me like that. He wanted me in casual clothes, and preferred me in them! I was shocked but that was what he liked. I eventually learned to be okay in casual clothes.

In the end, dress the way you feel confident in. That's what I do now, I dress the way I want to dress even if my husband says X shirt looks good, if I don't feel good in it, I don't wear it.

And remember, the way you dress has nothing to do with your husbands choices. If he says "I look at P because you don't dress a certain way" that is total BS. Your husband looks at P because he is an addict. His addiction has nothing to do with you and your looks.