Is this healthy in recovery?

Is it OK for my husband to be having thoughts and urges for me? He is almost 150 days PM free. He says he thinks about me and wants to be with me, thinks about things we have done, etc. I do not mind, but my concern is that it would lead him to want to M or look at P again. He says it does not make him want to do M or P at all, he doesn't have any urges for M or P, it just makes him want to be with me (that doesn't always mean sex, just like physically with me in the same space is what he means). I would think this is OK but I'm not sure about it with the PA/dopamine drip, etc. It isn't like something he is focused on all the time but like a few times a day he'll have the thoughts, not dwelling, just thinking about me in a sexual way. Just want to make sure it is healthy for him to be doing that in recovery.

 

Thank you, I'm glad you think it is going well!

No, I don't think it is obsession at all. No urges to M at all, he says. He says it is freeing that he doesn't feel the need to M. This is really weird for both of us, but he actually said he loves not Ming, not feeling like he has to like he did before.

I'm not sure what you mean here. Do you mean causing the chaser effect? If so, I'm not sure. I mean he is satisfied with whatever it is we do, but of course he'd always like more. Not in like a has to have it way, but just in a wanting to connect way now and loving physical touch way. He is also fine if we don't.

I think he is being truthful about no P and no M. I can tell in the way/time he Os that it is different than it has ever been before. And maybe TMI (does that even exist here?) but it is way harder than it has ever been, too. I usually can tell when he is lying as well. His whole attitude about it has changed. And yeah, he always wants to be around me. I mean he even wants to go grocery shopping together and run errands together, wait on me while I'm in the dressing room trying on clothes, etc., he didn't want to do mundane stuff like that before. That is interesting about the oxytocin, I never thought about that. I think what it is now is that he is realizing what it takes to have a true connection, and he wants more of that. The bonding (all the time, not just sex). And regarding sex, he wants real intimacy in sex, like staring into each others eyes type, not just an orgasm.

That is awesome, I hope you are right.

This is kind of how I was feeling about it. It doesn't seem bad since it is me and isn't like an obsessive all the time thing, but I just wanted to be sure. I'm all thrown off now it seems!

Thank you!

Thank you. I am so happy with how far he has come, but I also am fearful to accept it. I'm scared of just when I accept it and move forward, it will happen again. I think he has changed, I'm just leery still. But it definitely has helped with the confidence. And he does seems to be genuine and mean everything.


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Thank you everyone! I wasn't really expecting the responses, but thank you, this is really helpful in putting things in perspective for me. I felt like this is where we should be, it *feels* like the right spot, but I just wasn't sure because I am all confused about how things should be because of the whole PA thing. He seems to genuinely mean what he says and I'm trying to just go with it and not question everything, but it is difficult!