Is it Cheating or Weird Behavior?

I think having a good set of boundaries would be helpful. In SAA, there's something called the 3 Circles.

The inner circle consists of all behaviors that you consider acting out and would constitute a relapse or reset. (using porn, MB)

The middle circle consists of behaviors that may not be considered resets, but they're still not healthy. Oftentimes, crossing middle circle boundaries can lead to crossing inner circle ones. (logging into Tinder; removing safe search)

And the outer circle consists of behaviors that are healthy; ones I need to practice to ensure self growth (exercise, going to meetings)

Write them down. Be specific and update them often because it won't be perfect the first time around. But this helped me immensely.

 

If my husband did that I would absolutely consider it cheating. Even more devastating if he lied to me about it ( by omission or outright). I think it’s creepy as hell and sick and I deserve to know. But hey, talk to your girlfriend and see how she feels about it. Then you will know.

 

This is inappropriate because you are not in a type of relationship with this person in which pantsing would have been a sex-positive experience. Whether you were hoping for more or not, it was disrespectful to your gf. I don't think it rises to the level of cheating; however, since you describe it as a fetish, it might have been bad for your own sense of what's good for you and might indicate out-of-control behavior.

 

I would say it doesn't constitute cheating, but you still shouldn't be doing this

 

I completely agree with Psalm, if I had a girlfriend that done that and told me, she would be packing and leaving that evening.
However I completely disagree with Psalm, if you want to stay with your gf, dont tell her. Ever. And stop doing that.

This is literary advice from one of best sex therapist what to do when you cheat: "keep denying it, keep denying it, keep denying it". (Unless there is 100% proof). That's because proven cheating will cause loss of trust that will never ever be fully repaired. But if you keep denying it (and also stop doing that) after certain time passed without any incident suspicious partner will come to conclusion that she must be wrong and full trust will be regained.

 

I'm very interested to know which therapist you're referring to who said this.

 

Yeah, talk about worst advice ever. Your partner knows even if they don’t “ know” and when you lie it’s gas lighting and it’s destructive and abusive.

 

Who would have guessed that the best way to keep trust alive in your relationship would be to lie and manipulate the other person. Talk about a plot twist. I thought the best way to retain trust is to be truthful and not do things which violate that trust.

Thank god we have experts to clear this up.

 

The guy is not English and articles about him are not in English, not even on Wikipedia. Dead already 1925-2010. For full story he did take it back at the end of his life but he clearly gave that advice on national TV about 40 years ago.

On top of that the same advice has been said in movie almost 60 years ago so "it has to be true".
I am putting it the spoilers because there is woman with naked back for few seconds and it might be triggering for some but it's damn funny.

Spoiler: A Guide for the Married Man (1967)

 

According to wikipedia the guy was married twice and his son from the second marriage commited suicide. Dont think that the guy is a good source of advice. Although I know he was very popular.

 

I don’t consider it cheating, perhaps very strong flirting, but not cheating. I’d say just forget about it, you went and did the CD transaction and that was the end of it

Good to know people actually care enough about their girlfriends/boyfriends to be concerned about this

I’d figure a guy being uneasy about his girlfriend going to meet up with another guy would be looked at as “possessive” and looked at negatively, maybe that’s why she wanted you to pants her and talk about her underwear, to show her boyfriend that she can do whatever she wants