Is ejaculation shame-based?

I would like to discuss a statement of Joseph Kramer who said:

"Ejaculation is actually about getting rid of a feeling, getting rid of pleasure in a quick way. We are almost embarrassed to be carrying this pleasure around; it's related to shame and body image, and the resulting masturbatory experience is being far from sensous. It's also about the heart and genitals never coming together; release-oriented masturbation is not connected to the heart."

Does this say anything to you? Does it relate to your (maybe former?) masturbation practice?

 

I've found it in a book (which doesn't explain this in much more detail) where J. Kramer is only quoted. The only source given are two videos of the EroSpirit Research Institute. You may also google his name to learn more about his approach in general. I think he's quite influential on the issue of alternative sex and masturbation techniques.

What do you find interesting particularly?

 

this sounds like Christian guilt in its highest form. Always ashamed of your own body. No, I am not embarrassed about my pleasures. I am not ashamed of my body, my lust, masturbation, ejaculation, my genitals, and nothing of this sort. When I ejaculate, I certainly don't want to get rid of a feeling.

I think this Joseph Kramer is spitting out pretty poisonous BS. The hatred of the human body so deeply entrenched in anglo culture. I loathe this prudishness, it only makes people unhappy.

 

That's perfectly worded! Good luck for your journey =)

@IWantToChange:') This is a terrible situation! Your problems are not sexual in the first place. You should dare to reach out for help. Maybe there is a possibility to move out soon offered by the youth welfare service or the like (I don't know in which country you live). There probably are hotlines that give advice to young people in need.

Sorry but this might be said about your posting as well. Kramer is obviously advocating for more pleasure and against body shame just like you (btw he is the founder of a whole school of sex-positive therapy). What he's only analyzing is why many males seem to not enjoy their sexuality and don't stay in the (constant or at least prolonged) state of lust but are usually focused on 'getting off' asap - getting rid of their sexual energies which (this is Kramers thesis now but not what he approves!) are too shameful to bear for them. Of course this shame may very well be rooted in certain puritanical traits of our culture.

Thus I agree with the interpretation of MonkMode. However what confuses me still is that from my personal experience I believe that the feeling of shame is more intense in the aftermath of masturbation and not that strong while being horny. And most males would probably claim that they orgasm and ejaculate in order to maximize pleasure (if only for a short moment). Thus Kramers thesis is very appealing, but somehow counterinituitive to me:
How do you get rid of shame if the feeling actually increases after the ejaculation? Or how does the aftermath-shame relate to the pleasure-shame?

That's what I would like to debate and what I would like to read your experience about.

 

I wish to apologise. I don't know Kramer and was not aware of the context that the quote was written. i assumed that it was written as a message entirely against masturbation. I can very well imagine that Kramer is a good man who wants to heal people.

How do we get rid of shame? By rejecting the religion that has embedded the shame into us. Only if we renounce God entirely can we find freedom from such shame. I am an atheist, but if God exist, I would hate him. I don't think you can free yourself from shame when you remain a believer in an Abrahamic religion.

I have worked myself out of that shame. It was easy for me, but I understand that it is not easy for others.

There are many atheists who still feel guilt and shame because they grew up in this religious culture.

They need to unlearn their responses to sexuality in the form of guilt in order to fully enjoy their bodies, I believe. Maybe Kramer has some answers on how to do that.

I feel that sexuality, especially in its kinky forms can be a tool to let people get rid of their shame as they indulge in the pleasures. This is what I advocate. Let's be kinky to drive out God, to rid us of the shame that culture has taught us. We shall live free lives without gods and masters.