I'm 30 years old and have been with my fiance for 9 years. It's been up and down but I would say for the majority of the time I prefer porn over sex. Can I expect this to change if I stay clean? I love my wife but she's lost alot of weight and her body is not turning me on like it did when we first got together. I know it's shallow but from the weight loss she's gotten alot of loose skin and honestly doesn't have much curve to her like we first met. I feel awful talking about it but I don't know where else to go? She and I are both working out and I have noticed her tightening up. She's communicated on her own that she wants to work on her figure and hates her body. I'm always super supportive but deep inside I agree with what she's saying. So to sum everything up. Has the porn changed my brain and made more picky? Is my wife's weight loss part of it? Will her working out help? Or maybe she's not right for me? I love her very much and watch porn with skinny girls and curvy girls and chubby girls so I'm not sure it's a preference thing but I'm not really sure of anything anymore... I understand I come off shallow and insensitive but I need to confront my deepest thoughts so I can go forward. I'm willing to change and just need help and advice.
It can change. Porn creates a higher dopamine spike than real sex (I think 500% iirc) so over time you get more attracted to the "screen world" than the real one. This does go away if you quit for a long period of time... I'm not there yet but I've been close before a few relapses. GL!
If you stop watching porn and masturbating you will for sure learn to appreciate sex more. It might take 90 days or longer to see progress.
I would ask you to focus on appreciating her every day in other ways. Appreciate the strength it took for her to lose weight and improve her health. Love her for the fact that she doesn’t love her body, but will try to better herself. Support her in her efforts to better herself. I think it is very hard to judge our attraction to our partners while we’re engaging in porn. It skews or in many cases eliminates that attraction. But that is not real. If you remove porn, it will most often come back. It’s natural for us in these forums to prefer porn over sex. Porn is fast, easy and more chemically rewarding and our brain craves that.
As a wife of an addict, this makes me physically ill. Do you think you look perfect? What if she was comparing your body and "size" to other men? She is working hard to look good for you, and you have the audacity to criticize her?! You don't deserve her. Work on yourself; you literally need a reality check. The women you were watching have done nothing for you except ruin your life. Screw those "perfect" bodies. Your wife is real and beautiful and actually loves you. Those women don't.
