I still need it

No, that's not "fair enough" - hard mode reboot isn't the only Avenue to recovery. I'm in a long term relationship and I like having sex. It's not fair for me or my partner to abstain from sex for 90 days just because you said so.

 

Because I said so? Haha! Yeah, that's the only reason. Forget the community, the testimonials, or addiction problems. It's the random guy on the forums that is the
only reason...

 

These two things don't seem to jive. Plus, and I could definitely be wrong here, but it really seems like you're focused way too much on sex and don't really even want to consider not having sex as a possible way to help you not focus so much on sex.

 

You had a trauma from that experience, my serious advise is: Don't take serious those who say "its just a kink you are free to practice it", no its not just a kink, its your subconcious trying to cope an emotional wound by reproducing it and trying to find tje answer to it at that moment, yes we are that primal. Try to solve the trauma which caused it by going mentally to that moment, try to connect another insuficiencies about yourself and you personality to your trauma. That is the correct step aiming high, if you wanna aim low don't take my advise

 

I'm not solely focused on sex. Read my post in my signature about my personal journey to recovery - I have a life, dude. And part of that life involves meaningful sex that connects me and builds meaningful connection with my wife. You can have a fulfilling and meaningful life that includes lots of sex. I understand not many people on this site are sex positive because they are struggling and that's fine, you live your life how you want. I'm just expressing my opinions and specifically relating back to this thread, OP should be comfortable exploring this (spanking and other kinks) more in a healthy way if that's how he gets sexual fulfillment.

What I mean by you shouldn't feel like you need it is that OP specifically says he "struggles to find happiness" - there is probably a deeper underlying issue to this, and the kink is probably not the cause. I would consider myself a generally happy person. Sex is not the only reason I feel this way, but it damn sure is a part of it. Therapy helps in this case, but the goal of therapy shouldn't be to shame this kink. It should be to figure out the root of why you are so unhappy and unfulfilled in life.

That's my opinion.

 

I didn't say you're focused solely on sex. I said you seem to focus too much on sex. And as someone who got that from what I posted, that's one more huge sign of it, at least to me. That on top of you saying,

"I would consider myself a generally happy person. Sex is not the only reason I feel this way, but it damn sure is a part of it."

I don't think anyone is arguing that a meaningful life can't have sex in it, so I don't know why you're saying that.

 

Because a meaningful life to me includes sex. I acknowledge there are asexual people out there and people who do not value sex, but I do. And that is healthy and normal just as much as it's okay for asexual people to live life free of sex. Again, I'm speaking from my personal opinion and experiences. If you do not value sex as much and feel you can live a happy life without it, that's on you and that's okay too. OP specifically said he feels like he "needs this (kink)" for sexual fulfillment, and I think that is okay in certain contexts. That's why I brought it up.

Also I don't think I focus too much on sex.

TW: Explicit detail

Spoiler

I only have sex maybe 1-2 times a week even if that. I spend most of my time on my hobbies and personal self betterment and hanging out with my friends, going out on dates, doing chores, taking care of things, and being productive.

 

Okay, I just gave my opinion. Clearly ours are different, and that's okay.