I relapsed to sissy hypno after 8 days , feeling like to die

Hey @Victor Zsasz, first of all let me tell you that 8 days without are already a good achievement. It proves you can do it, you have the power. You see, recovery is not a linear process. It is not that we decide to stop and then with some willpower and luck we succeed and will live happily forever. What leads to success is perseverance. Licking wounds is ok but then get back up and back on track. What you need is a plan and some tools. You might have them already, go back to using them. Keep growing and stay safe.

 

It is completely OK to be confused. Don't blame yourself for what happened. It is difficult to get out of situations that you feel completely helpless. I suggest you to change things in your life. You can't gain self esteem by saying that you feel good about yourself. You need to go out of your house, communicate with people, start hobbies that you like. Situations like this is the cue which reminds you that you have to change something. Don't consider suicide man. Just try to regulate your feelings and think it as a withdraw as p is. Don't try to change your p habit and don't press yourself to do so. It is very important to care about yourself and eventually it will go away when you will find things that you really like and make you feel proud of you. I had no pmo for almost 60 days and I didn't see the progress I expected. I was disappointed. But every time I said I got this, the next day I woke up more confident. I know that it can happen again and again but I am here to beat this bast**d.

 

Unrequited love has also led me down this sissy rabbit hole, so based on my experience, what you need to do first is to sort out your feelings. She rejected you and later on had a new boyfriend, it's surely harsh but you should realize you're only 16 and there's plenty of fish in the sea. Also, it's best not to compare yourself and her boyfriend, he suited her current preference that's all. Sissy porn/hypno uses your low self-esteem, guilt and humiliation to stimulate pleasure, therefore you should focus on building back your confidence. My recovery road path until now has been abstaining from sissy hypno --> sissy porn --> M without SP, for each time I slipped and relapsed, I forced myself to turn down the intensity of the porn. Everyone has their own method but remember, one healthy mentality keeps the sissy away. Good luck on your journey, in case you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me u\justareddituser001

 

Still trying man. I am at 80 something days with one relapse. I haven't overcome this yet. I believe that I will fully recovere in over a year according to my progress. I think that we need to make sacrifices to see results no matter the time it will pass.

 

Unfortunately there are no magic tricks, nor is there a quickfix or a shortcut. From what I can say is that the only way is through the turmoil, through the storm. There is no way around. Knowing that the brain and body need time as well helps. This means if we practice a certain habit that then leads to an addiction, the process of craving will continue after we've stopped acting out. Similarly to a merry-go-round that doesn't stop immediately when you stop pushing it. It's the body then that can continue or all of a sudden start craving. It seems you used the slip to avoid the pain you felt. Usually that's the cause for any pattern that becomes repetitive and then leads to an addiction: to numb, not to feel the pain, escape.
Best is to establish a daily recovery routine. That may consist of breathing exercises, meditation, reading, sports, all activities that are healthy and you enjoy doing, activities that don't harm you nor others. When you feel urges coming learn to observe them and see them as waves of energy, try not to engage in the story, the drama. Like a scientist you watch and remain inactive. When urges tend to get overwhelming then focus on your breath going in and out your nostrils or count to 100 and/or focus on why it's good to stay sober, who you want to be, how you want to feel in the long term. What can help is knowing no urge will ever stay, urges come and go, see it as waves, as energy. Knowing they will eventually pass then committ to not give in for the next ten minutes, the next hour, or day. Small steps in the right direction will keep you on track.
Delete all apps that are triggering you, or have triggering content. When you catch yourself ruminating, engaging the story, the drama focus on your breath or sensations in your body, scan your body objectively, notice and remain non-reactive. These are a few ideas, hope you find some useful. But don't forget: Reading and agreeing does not do the job. We must apply, we must do. We must work on recovery. Either we work on relapse or we work on recovery. Make a firm decision.
Imagine you are in a year from today: What's the story you want to tell yourself about yourself. And only to yourself for yourself. How do you want to be feeling? How do you want to describe yourself then?

 

Please be kind to yourself. It's completely normal at 16 to have a lot of confusing emotions and hormones. Being confused about your sexuality is also ok, it's a very common thing that people can go through, there is nothing wrong with that at all, you have not committed a crime. Just take things one day at a time, there is no rush to figure out who you are any time soon. Most of us will spend all our lives discovering new things about ourselves. IT'S OK.

It's a good thing if you want to try and take porn out of your life, I think that is healthy, but it will always be a journey and you will have to always put the effort in, but there will be benefits in the long run.

If you end up realising you might be gay or bisexual, then I also want to reassure you that that is ok, there is nothing wrong with that and you will still be valid for who you are.

Also, if you ever feel like you might hurt yourself, please reach out, to a friend or family member or even an anonymous helpline where you can ask for help. You are not alone, you are loved and people in your life will care about you.

 

Don't lose hope. This is a vicious circle you are currently in. Relapse - then bad thoughts - fetishes - feeling bad - bad self image - all of this can be solved by rebooting.

There is a trick, a possible cure to PMO addiction. I have been reading writings from a translation of a guy in China with the name Soaring Eagle.

Here is the trick, the cure:

Study rebooting articles every day. Every single day. You must read articles on rebooting. Begin to see yourself as a professional rebooter. Take notes. See yourself as a scientist or a doctor studying a disease (PMO). PMO is the disease, and many people are infected.

I can send you the link to the writings if you'd like. Here is a link to one of the chapters. I have more just let me know if you are interested.

You just need to get into the right mindset... you do this by studying. You need to "level up" your consciousness.... Imagine this as a video game. Image the "inner demon" who provokes you to PMO is at level 100. But you are only at level 5. So when the "demon boss" comes to attack you, then you always fail quickly. To increase your level, you study more and more about rebooting. You read cases of people who have successfully quit and you read cases of people who are suffering from the symptoms after relapse.

I have almost all the chapters from the book I sent you. If you read this first chapter I sent, and feel it is helpful, I can send you more.

Also, don't worry about that girl. It is normal to feel really bad after seeing a girl you are attracted to who rejected you. I got rejected by a girl I worked with a couple years ago and had to see her at work every single day lol. It was very irritating. Its normal to feel down about it.

Also, don't worry about your current fetish. This is just a tendency of thinking you have developed from a combination of viewing porn and also just your day to day upbringing. Most of us weren't born into a family with strong sexual values that were instilled in us. We are sort of "on our own" in the sea of lust.

Read the chapter though, I really recommend just giving it a try. Some of the wording is off because its a translation, but just skip over the parts you don't understand. Just keep reading and you will come across some good stuff.

 

@Victor Zsasz I felt like I failed my family and dishonoured them. But when I told my family about my porn addiction yes they were upset and disgusted but they forgive me and if your family really truly love they will be there for you. But you have lasted 10 days, that's an achievement in it self so celebrate every little victory. That's what I do and believe it or not that's how I felt at the start of my journey like a leech on my family, not worth the time of day. Please hang in there for your families sake. Keep positive man and remember we all are facing this demon so your not alone.

 

Wow @Victor Zsasz, you did a full 10 day streak. You stayed strong for 10 days. That is awesome. No "monster" could ever do that. You can't be such a bad person, not as bad as you describe yourself anyway. In fact you as a person are not bad at all. You are trying to find ways to cope with your situation, just using the wrong means. You as a person are worthy of love and belonging. Yes, you have a serious issue to deal with. Like most of us here. Like me anyway. No addiction is fun to deal with. But it is possible. It is good you are here and share your thoughts, your fears, your story. Stay here and continue to work on your recovery, one day at a time. Make your next streak 11 days. Don't bash yourself for relapsing. Yes, it feels like shit, I know. Start doing meditation, martial arts. You are 16. What hobbies you have?

 

Hey there. The only way to quit it is by not giving up. Sooner or later You'll be on a streak when You'll realize that You've stopped counting the days.
Things can only get better for You.
Also 10 days is great. That's a good start. Just don't binge or edge and You'll be fine. From my experience I can tell that Your suicidal thoughts will pass tommorow or day after tomorrow.

 

There is a cure. I don't know if maybe you are trolling right now. But there is no reason for suicide. Even without sex or ever going on a date with a girl or having sex for life, there is still good food to eat and sunshine to enjoy and also exercise.

The cure is reading. You have to implant new ideas into your head to take away the old thoughts. Rebooting is a war between thoughts. There are the thoughts of porn/masturbation/fetishism and there are thoughts of becoming a true gentleman and stand up man.

Read new things.... Change your inner heart and you will feel better over time

 

You have to not just let go of PMO, you have to REPLACE it with something positive. These are activities which make you feel better about yourself and your future, bring you confidence, bring you inner peace.

Everyone is different but doing things like exercise, learning a new language, learning a musical instrument, getting into a sport, joining a book club, regular meditation, trying art or writing, learning to cook, volunteering to help others, getting involved with a cause like helping the environment, etc.

There are many options, and they all take some effort, but if you are patient you can find that your self-esteem and your hope for the future will slowly change for the better. Instead of the PMO "quick fix" which leaves you feeling awful (a feeling we all know here), you replace that with building a life that makes you feel better every day.

 

I used to watch that and be consumed by it. But after therapy I was able to realise that it was a bit stupid really. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve just got a compulsive nature and have used porn as a way to regulate emotions. Porns a b*#ch designed to hook you. But beating yourself up or believing in satan or you’re a shameful piece of sh.t will just make it worse. Youve looked at some body parts on screen backed by music and some tacky graphics saying sl#t , s:ssyIt’s just garbage mate. You haven’t failed you probably need to work on the underline issues that are making you dislike yourself and self sabotage. Then you’ll just think: Silly naked rave on my computer it can’t really go anywhere apart from more willies, boobs and a bit of come.

 

If I kept calling you a panda bear and sent you texts calling you a panda would you live in the woods eating bamboo or would you just say no I’m not what the f@*k are you talking about? What if I had a spirally background behind me would it make it anymore real. It’s just boll&cks and there is a part of us that actually wants it to be satanic (forbidden), or made by the CIA for mind control, to give it more power. It’s a form of escape (fantasy) and a way to confirm negative beliefs we have about ourselves. And it gives us a rush of brain chemistry which gets us away for a bit. What makes us bad makes us better silly statement.
Basically you’re getting off to smoking hot models super enhanced for sex. Then a Willy will get thrown in and your brain thinks omg forbidden naughty, shit I’m turned on- spike of adrenaline from shock and taboo, then more hot women. You’re not getting turned on by the cock it’s the taboo mixed with female models you would want to breed with at a primal level.
If it was a video of a load of naked bin men calling you a sl@t I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t get turned on… and if you did that’s kind of weird