First, I wanna start by saying that I am new here. I joined this site about a week ago and reading some of the threads here gives me a little bit of relief that I am not only the one struggling with overcoming porn, masturbation, and other disordered sexual desires. I have been struggling with masturbation for about 12 years already. I was 13 years old when I started to masturbate and I was around 17 or 18 when I started watching porn. It was really a struggle for me because I got addicted to porn so much so that 5 pornographic videos wouldn't satisfy me. I would usually watch porn before fapping in order to increase the pleasure that I wish to feel. My addiction to porn and masturbation has led me to fantasize women, I hate to say this, but even some of my family members like my own sister or aunt. There were even times before that I tried to rub my own genitals to my sister's while she was asleep. Ah, if you only know the guilt that I have experienced for doing that. Not only that, it even led me to become a pervert because everytime I would ride in a public transportation, I would be tempted to peek on women's undies especially if they are wearing mini skirts. When I happen to sit beside women on public transportations, I would try to rub my arms on their breasts. Ah, this is how utterly disgusting I was and everytime I think about it, I get disgusted over myself too. I decided that I should quit watching porn and true enough I was able to do it but as many of you here have experienced, I also experience relapse not just once, or twice. Unlike before, I would only watch 1 or 2 videos when I would experience a relapse and it does not last for days though. Now, it has been two months since the last time I had a relapse in watching porn. Although I could control the temptation of watching porn, masturbation is really hard to beat. The longest time that I did not have masturbation was 8 months but after that I relapsed again and it is so hard to overcome the urge especially if I see attractive women whether on the internet or personal. As of now, I have not masturbated for almost two weeks already and I hope to continue it. I want to stop objectifying women especially my own sister. So, I am thinking that maybe someone can help me to realize the change that I want to happen. Please believe me when I say that I want to change and I want to be liberated from the situation I am in.
Props to you for your total honesty with this post. Its not easy to admit the disgusting things we’ve done as a result of this addiction. I’m 23, but I’ve been battling most of my life with this. I found success that was so great for a couple long stretches but shit I recently fell, and fell hard. So, I’m also looking for an accountability buddy if you’re still interested.
