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I hope NoFap will help me

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Misho85, May 23, 2018.

  1. Misho85

    Misho85 Fapstronaut

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    Hi there,
    I have been addicted to porn and masturbation for more than 15 years. When you are a teenager is ok, but at one point of your life you discover that you cannot stop. Through the years I've made resolutions, promises and vows but no real change so far. I stopped watching porn 2 years ago when my fiance found me in the living room, drunk, asleep and with the porn channel on. But that actually did not improve the situation a lot. In the last two years I have been using youtube and vimeo and reading really a lot of erotic texts so no real change - even I am spending more time, because I need to find the right stuff to satisfy me.
    I know I have a problem - have anybody done the "Sexual addiction test". My fiance did it and her score was 2, my score was 14.
    The problem is the sex frequency in my relationship also decreased so I am even more frustrated now. I blame her when I am nervous and I decide that the only thing that can relax me is some good time with myself. I thought that a lot of the things I am doing are in the right direction or rare, but after I read the glossary I found out that I am doing the exact mistakes a lot of people with my problem do - there are even glossary terms for them. The dead grip, the PIED and the latest one - the Edging are really destroying me.
    To feel better I am taking really small dosage of stimulating pills because of the PIED, the death grip has really diminished my pleasure from sex and in the last six months I tell myself that if i do not have an orgasm it is not mastrubating. So I watch nude stuff in youtube for 2 hours, jacking all the time, but noooo orgasm, so it is OK! And the moronic part was that I thought I was cheating the system and I am unique. Damn, I was wrong!
    I am not sure what to read here, or are there any groups I can join and talk, but just writing this I feel better. I clicked the clock, so the counting for clean plate started, but I really do not think I will succeed. If anyone has any suggestions for groups, any ideas or just want to comment - please do. This way I will feel less of a moron (even if you say I am a moron:)

    Thanks
     
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome, I'm glad you're here.

    One suggestion: don't blame your girlfriend. I'm not married, but I know plenty of married people, and not getting sex as much as you want is pretty much standard. Put it another way: how can one person expect that any other person will supply sex on demand? But you probably see that already, so forgive me if I didn't need to say that.

    I hope you keep coming back!
     
  3. Hi. Welcome to forum!

    Make sure you crate a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

    I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.

    Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!
     
  4. NamoBuddha

    NamoBuddha Fapstronaut

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    Hi there,
    You can check this YouTube video for understanding the science behind Porn and Masturbation. It also mentions the disadvantages of fap as well. My suggestion is to understand the bad effects of fap is very important for a beginner to kick P&M out of your life.

    Moreover, I'd like to recommend you to read the successful story of nofap. You can search online or this forum. The story points out a way, which some people have already gone through, and gives you confidence on Nofap. If you want to have happier life, the best way is nofap. I hope this suggestion can help you.

    Best Wishes.
     
  5. Hi @Misho85 , welcome to NoFap

    is a big step if you can understand what is triggering your urges, because this will allow you to be awake and kill those urges as soon as they appear.

    I recommend you to create your own "Emergency Toolbox" with readings that can be handy to read when you start feeling urges to screw up.
    I can share this post with you with my own Emergency Toolbox, it helped me a lot during the first few months, i had them in my cell and read them every time I started falling down:

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...y-first-320-days-of-reboot.62938/#post-473978

    I wrote some tips in this post that perhaps will help you too:

    http://NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/tips-that-helped-me-to-start-my-reboot.46617/#post-330318
    You can watch some interesting videos which are also very helpful in this post:
    http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?th...t-help-me-a-lot-during-my-reboot.39774/page-2

    I also suggest you to read "Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins, it is a must-read if you are serious about getting rid of this addiction.
    To get more focus and feel happier with life I recommend you to start doing meditation.. I have been using an App called Headspace for the last two months which is great if you have never meditated before. The first 10 sessions are free if you want to give a try. I used to feel a bit depressed or feeling without energy to start new projects in my life, and meditation has helped me a lot with this.

    Last but not least, I would strongly recommend you to take the NoFap Academy course if you can afford it. The course is great but the best value are the weekly video calls with @alexander (the creator of NoFap and NoFap Academy) and Mark Queppet, where you can chat with them in real life and listen to other guys's stories and problems too.

    I hope that all this helps you to fight this shitty addiction.
    Let's keep on fighting

    Fercho
     
  6. Misho85

    Misho85 Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone
    Thanks for the advice, I will definitely read the book Breaking the cycle and focus on reading other stories. I will start a Reboot log and will focus on improving my relationship. I am getting married in 3 months and want to become a better person. Actually only writing about my problem and reading other first timers in the forums is working good for me so far.
    My commitment is that every time I want to open the laptop to watch or read I will instead open Nofap and just read something in the forum section
    Thanks again everybody
     
    NamoBuddha likes this.

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