I have made a mess of things

Wow this is a tough one. Are you still PMOing? If so that could be contributing to your feelings of not being in love with her anymore. Personally I believe love is not just a feeling but a choice. It is easy to fall in love or lust to hard work to stay in it. I think all relationships go through a period where they might struggle with this discontentment. What you you really have to ask yourself if you could see yourself with this person for the rest of your life. Are you willing to die to yourself to make someone else happy? Remember what made you fall in love with this person to begin with? Is that still there? Could it return?

 

You gotta get your shit straight bro, and that means working on you for the time being. You're not sure what the hell you want b/c your mind is all messed up from PMO. Attracted? In love? You can't see clearly and with the internal strife you have you cant listen to your heart clearly either.

Not to be callous or cruel (I empathize completely and understand some of what you're going through) but I have to speak bluntly here. This stuff is well beyond just messing up your life. You have done all kinds of pain to your ex and also hurt your daughter by breaking up/reuniting/breaking up with her mother.

You have got to sort your shit out. For that little girl. It is your responsibility as her father to get right. You also lee it to your ex--getting right may not mean getting back together but you can at least get a clear head and figure out your feelings.

Job 1 right now is get off the fucking porn. You are immediately on a 90 Day Hard Mode reset. No porn, no jerking, no fantasizing, no sex. You go dry for 90 days. You develop a strategy for coping with cravings. There are a ton of resources on this forum. If you can, you see a therapist. I also suggest att ending a regular Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting if you can. You work out regularly if you're not already. You eat better if you're not already.

As for your daughter, you spend as much time with her as possible and make sure she knows you love her--no matter what. She may ask questions about you and her mom and you have to be honest but gentle. At this point you're not really sure about your feelings so you may have to communicate that.

As for your ex, I don't know. I can only imagine she's pretty heart broken and confused as hell right now. Maybe all you can do at this point is say "I'm sorry, I don't know what I really want and I'm trying to figure shit out." At some point you will need to tell her about the porn thing. Not sure if that time is now or not (this is where counseling/therapy helps).

It's a shitty place to be and none of us want to be here but you can turn things around.

 

Check the reboot resources forum. I hear good things about K9 software. Another thing that may help is to adjust the content settings on your browsers. My phone is password locked so if it tries to go to a site with questionable material I am prompted for a password (this is just a native settings on phone) which makes me stop and think "do I really want to go here?" You can also disable image loading on your browsers as well but I highly suggest advanced filtering software--much better and much more precise.

I can't speak highly enough about working out during a reboot. It not only seems to speed the process but helps with focus, mental clarity, purpose and acts a powerful anti-depressant. And who doesnt like getting a good sweat on??

Make sure you develop a coping strategy for dealing with triggers. It will come up and you need to be ready for them. "When I get cravings to look at lorn and masturbate, I will do _____ or _____ or _____ instead. If that doesn't work I will do _____ and _____. Lot of good resources here in the forums--read up and get an AP to help.

And make sure you tell yourself at least five times a day "This is for me and my daughter." That's your mantra.

If you need help hit us up. Lot of people here willing to help.