*i have crush on her*

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Me12345, Feb 14, 2019.

  1. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    hi,
    I am an undergraduate student and there is this girl who's in the same department with me.
    A final year guy finally introduce her to me and ask me to help academically because he's graduating. At the point of the introduction, she took my number but I didn't ask for her's ,so technically she as my phone number but I don't have her own..
    The school went on holiday, she called me two months after she took my number while I was at home (holiday) and she said wanted to say "hi" and bam the crush started..
    I told her I will call back but I was too nervous to make the call.finally one night, I make the call but a guy picked up then I quickly hang up I feel discouraged after that. After 2 months I placed another call(that was yesterday night) she picked up herself and as soon as I said it's me (cause I actually use a different number to call her) she stopped talking, i just hang up....
    I felt even more discouraged after that..
    what do u guys think, do u think I should call her again (although we have two more weeks before resumption).
    I need your advice.
     
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  2. Jon_Stark

    Jon_Stark Fapstronaut

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    Lol. I feel you bro but you are majorly overthinking this stuff.
    You probably thought the guy picking up was her boyfriend. But it could as well have been her best friend, or brother or cousin or whoever.

    Usually if someone takes my number i tell them to ring me for a second so I have their's too. It's a bit awkward if only 1 person has the number.

    Why don't you message her on whatsapp or send her a normal text-message if you don't feel comfortable with talking over the phone.

    "he said wanted to say "hi" "
    That's a good indicator of interest.

    However, pull your horses Romeo.

    1st You work together. Would she having anything materialistic, job-related to gain by befriending you? for example - would it make her work easier, or would she get a better rating etc..?

    "A final year guy finally introduce her to me and ask me to help academically because he's graduating. "

    You probably meant that the final-year guy asked you to help the girl with studying or something like that?

    If yes it's possible she just wants to befriend you for the benefits it comes with.

    If no, there is a better chance she either genuinely wants to be your friend or has romantic interest.

    Maybe you could shoot her a message and ask her to go for a coffee to talk about studies or work or preparation for when the holiday is over etc...
     
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  3. a crush is only pain. some men are destined to b alone
     
  4. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    I disagree
     
  5. You cant disagree reality though.. There always were and always will be single men/women ,no matter how much they tried .
     
  6. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You're overthinking and being hesitant because you have a hidden agenda and you're worried that you won't get what you want.

    You're so worried about the outcome that you can't even talk to her. Other people can feel that. That's what being creepy is all about. When you act like a suspicious person. Like you're up to something that you aren't being open about. Like you're hiding something that you plan to do to the other person. Like you're slowly creeping your way towards what you secretly want.

    Being creepy is basically a form of manipulation. You want something, but you pretend like you don't want it. You buy yourself some time by doing and saying everything that isn't what you really want to do or say so that you can one day work up the courage to actually do and say what you want to do and say. That's how being "friend zoned" happens because you act like a friend for the purpose of steering that person towards something completely different, but it rarely works.

    So you can go the route of wasting 2 years pretending like you don't want something and then getting rejected later on anyways.... or you can get rejected from the beginning and move on to people that have mutual interest with you.

    My point is... don't be creepy. Go for what you want. Rejection is what you fear, but you won't succeed in manipulating your way into acceptance. Even if you do... you'll have to convince that person to be interested in you for the duration of the relationship. It will drain you of your life just as it drains you when you're trying to decide whether or not you should call her.

    Calling her and hanging up is fucking creepy.
     
    Jal Say, Marik757, dogeatdog and 3 others like this.
  7. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    Love your write up...
    Thanks for the advice
     
    dogeatdog likes this.
  8. Branchman

    Branchman Fapstronaut

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    The key for relations is comunication, my advice to you is to make things clear with her. You can tell her you got nervous or that you hang up (or down, I mean to finish the phone call) because you were expecting her to answer, Maybe this is just a missunderstanding. Believe me you have the courage to solve any situation that comes in your life (God's Word says, He wont let us be tempted more than what we can hold on, and does it has sense that God gives you a challenge you can't deal with?), so I recomend you to tell her the truth, be honest with her. Her phone call of her to say you "hi" is a great detail, few women do that, so I can also recomend you to tell her that you think she is a nice person. Everybody likes to be told nice things.
    If you are interested in her show her, but don't push her too much, give her her space, and give you your space and time. Don't think she is going to be everything to you because she won't, but enjoy this challenge and the time you can spend knowing each other.
     
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  9. Very true its not going to ramp up any attraction that's for sure lol
     
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  10. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Yup.

    Might as well add heavy breathing and call every night at 2am.

    --------------------------

    People waste so much time by beating around the bush. Trying to hide what they really want. Trying to not get hurt. Trying not to take any risks. Trying to play life so safe that they're barely living at all.

    Tell her the truth. Even if it's non smooth, awkward, and you're afraid.

    Tell her... Hi there. I find you interesting and I want to be around you more. I'm very shy, but I think you're worth the trouble.

    Practice being honest more. Practice going for what you want more. Practice doing things that might not work. Practice skills that you're currently incompetent and insecure with. The reason why most people don't get good with socializing or relationships is because they aren't willing to fail / make mistakes / get rejected / look bad. So they won't practice and they won't get better at it. They're always looking for a secret method that will skip all the messy and unideal parts of life to go straight to attaining their perfect outcome. That's not reality. Life is messy and chaotic. You can't wait until things are perfect, certain, and guaranteed before taking action because that will never happen.
     
  11. M.S.H.

    M.S.H. Fapstronaut

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    Wise advice... :) It is worth making up your mind and doing the thing.
     
  12. Oh you will get attention then from the POLICE, ha ha good post overall
     
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  13. Branchman

    Branchman Fapstronaut

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    Totally agree with you man! From where I am they say: Life is for the ones who takes risks.
    And you helped me notice about my fear to approach to people (I've been working on that but now I see that more clear), what I don't want is to be rejected, actually it doesn't feel very good but what they also say form where I am, that if I don't try I'll stay the same, so trying even if I don't reach the goal becomes in winning.
     
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  14. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    It all depends on how you condition yourself, how you think about rejection, and how you react towards it.

    If you don't get rejected often and you protect yourself from pain / problems / negative experiences on a regular basis, then you're going to be weak and oversensitive towards it.

    A lot of people place way too much importance on rejection and avoiding it, but aren't there more important things to value? Such as having self respect, developing yourself, and becoming someone that is bold / daring / adventurous.

    You can think of rejection as the end of the world and continue to protect your precious feelings from the unfair world... or you can learn to handle them better and see that without rejection you wouldn't find the right people in your life. Every rejection I've ever had pushed me closer to the wonderful people I have in my life right now.

    Life is all about doing something that might not work / seeing what you can get away with / audaciously reaching beyond your current place.

    People who are confident in their social lives are confident because they’re comfortable with rejection. People who are confident in their relationships are confident because they’re comfortable with getting hurt. They know that there's more important things than avoiding the possibility of negative experiences.
     
  15. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    the school will fully resume tomorrow but seriously, I don't know what to say to her when I see her. how am I going to approach her....

    you guys have been so helpful
     
    dogeatdog likes this.
  16. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You're going to have a very slim chance of attracting her or even interacting with her in a normal matter because you want a specific outcome too much. You barely know her and yet you're afraid of her.

    Not knowing how to approach her or what to say to her really means that you see her above you, you below her, and you want something other than your honest self expression to close that gap. You want to act in a way that you think she would like you for. You want to convince her to be interested in someone who you really aren't. You've already rejected yourself before she had any say on the matter.

    Still being creepy. You sound like a stalker.

    You could just walk up to her and say hi. Instead you're hiding while plotting your next move.
     
  17. dogeatdog

    dogeatdog Fapstronaut

    Hey man. As a guy who was struggling with the thought of rejection and being too timid to talk to girls that I crushed on, let me give you my perspective on this. The main thing that stopped me was fact that rejection meant there was no way something romantic was going to happen between us. Also, you're overthinking - something I'm guilty of as well.

    From what you've told us, I believe that there's a somewhat chance that she's interested in you. A finals student introduced her to you, meaning that they must've talked about you before in a positive way. She also "just wanted to say hi", which I think is a pretty good sign she's interested in you. BUT, I think you're overthinking things way too much. When some guy picked up the phone you instantly thought it was her partner, when it easily could've been her brother or close guy-friend (it could be that she likes to hang out with boys platonically). One tip I'd give you is that you shouldn't read into everything too hard as I always find the worst side of things when I think about things that happened between me and women I'm interested in.

    I also have to agree with other people on this thread, I think you're making yourself seem way too creepy. Hanging up just because there's a silence wasn't a good move, I won't lie, but I think you should refrain from calling until you guys build a better connection first. Once you guys get to know more about eachother, I think those awkward silences will start to happen less as you talk more. Regarding your thoughts on how to "approach her", I absolutely don't think it's a bad idea to plan ahead a little bit on what you're going to say - that's what making a move essentially is. BUT you shouldn't have to think about how you're going to approach her, just let the conversation start and continue naturally.

    This is just my take on the whole situation. Hope this helps and good luck!
     
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  18. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    I know have been overthinking this but to be honest, I just don't want anything to go wrong ..

    I would love it if u guys stay with me and also guide me on this thread as I bring u guys more updates...
    your responses has been really helpful
     
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  19. Jon_Stark

    Jon_Stark Fapstronaut

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    There is nothing wrong with that man. It's okay to overthink sometimes. It's okay to want for things to be perfect. We are all human.
    I am sure the forum is happy to listen and give their advice, so don't feel inhibiton when sharing your thoughts and feelings.
    Just make sure you don't start to obsess and to care for your own emotional and mental health. Meaning, don't linger on negative thoughts and feelings.
    The best to you mate.
     
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  20. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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