*i have crush on her*

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Me12345, Feb 14, 2019.

  1. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    That's why you hesitate. That's why you can't do or say anything. You want a guarantee before taking any action. You don't want to take any risks. You don't want to lose so you don't even play. You're obviously inexperienced, incompetent, and insecure with this, but you'll never gain competence, experience, and confidence without taking risks, making mistakes, and repeatedly failing.

    Even if you're successful in dating this girl, do you really want to be paranoid for the rest of your relationship with her? Walking on eggshells watching your every move and every word? This suffering that you feel right now... do you really want to feel that way for the rest of your life?

    Failing repeatedly in the short term sucks, but in the long run your life would be better off. Staying as you are (never taking any risks or going outside your comfort zone) will cause you great discomfort in the long run.
     
    Branchman, dogeatdog and Me12345 like this.
  2. DeliciousMarzipan

    DeliciousMarzipan Fapstronaut

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    Hah, I second this. I've had like 4 different crushes since January, and don't seem to have any prospects with any of them. So after some rational thinking, I've decided to give up on relationships for the time being.

    At this point OP, I'd say you'd be better off letting it go. Better keep on doing what you do, and another opportunity may arise.
     
    dogeatdog and Me12345 like this.
  3. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    hey guys it's been a while. ...

    she finally resumes today and I decided to heed to u guys advice, so I decided not to stalk her or anything like ,I gave her space..
    I realize that she was trying to look for in the lecture hall.
    two hours after the lecture, she called me and ask if I had resume and then I said yes so she ask me to help her out with her assignments....

    guys, I checked her results and I find out that she really need help academically and I don't think asking her out now will be the best thing to do...
    guys help.
     
  4. IDabbleInPoetry

    IDabbleInPoetry Fapstronaut

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    It depends how you want to go ahead. If you want to get to know her more you could offer to study with her so you can not only get to know her but also help her out. Does her struggling stop your crush?

    If I were you and I wanted to date this girl, first, I would put in a bit of time and help her with her studies so I can get to know her a little better. Then, if I decide I like the girl, at the end of a study session, after you have helped her, in person, I would ask her out on a Date (Date being key word, gotta use it with confidence)

    You are allowed to be scared of rejection, you are not allowed to let fear stop you.

    Don't fall into the trap of doing the pretty girls assignments for her though, help her but don't do it for her.

    Okay so I read my message back and I think I just should have lead with, "why do you think not asking her out is the best idea?"
     
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  5. Branchman

    Branchman Fapstronaut

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    I don't have a lot of experience with girls, but it 'll be good to help her not only because of her grades, but also to make a friend. And if a friendship doesn't makes between you (but If that happen that would be rare or unnormal) you would get the satisfaction of have helped somebody.
    And if you want to make a friendship or someting else with her, then start knowing each other, but don't start asking her too much things or doing things that would be uncommon in a teaching session. Just be yourself and let things take their way, we can't control everything; soon both of you would get trust (or confidence, I'm not sure wich one is the noun jaja).
    I belive that teaching and helping somebody is one of the most satisfying things in life, so enjoy it!
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2019
    Me12345 likes this.
  6. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    "Does her struggling stop your crush?"
    not really

    "why do you think not asking her out is the best idea?"
    because I think that's not what she needs right now. I believe that the only thing that she will be focused on now is how to get her grades up and I don't want to do anything to distract her . I just want to help for now
     
  7. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    why did you think that it will be rare or unnormal if we became close friends
     
  8. thedaring9

    thedaring9 Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like it took a lot of courage for her to call you and ask you for help.

    Anyway, congratz, I think this is a great opportunity for you ... to get experience as a tutor and make some $$$! ;) Hahaha. Okay, also, during your casual chats, to find out more about her as well...her interests, her hobbies, what she does in her spare time.

    Good luck, update us okay.
     
    Me12345 likes this.
  9. IDabbleInPoetry

    IDabbleInPoetry Fapstronaut

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    Me12345,

    There will always be something in life that you can use an excuse. Always something you can justify not doing something because of. If you think she will make you happy, if you want to go for it, don't let some sloppy grades stop you. Say you don't ask this girl out because her grades, what happens when/if her grades get better? will there be another excuse? What if in the future something that actually stops you from being able to ask her out happens, someone else acts first and she gets a bf, or she moves away or something in your life happens that changes everything. Right now you have an opportunity. You only get so many in the one life you are given. Take the opportunity.
     
    Me12345 likes this.
  10. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    am really grateful guys......

    Am trying to set up a meeting maybe tomorrow just to know her more...

    what do u guys think?
     
    thedaring9 and IDabbleInPoetry like this.
  11. Branchman

    Branchman Fapstronaut

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    I mean, "It will be rare if you do not become friends having tutorials".
    What is normal, is to become close to somebody as you spend time with she/he (or her/him sorry for my english).
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2019
  12. IDabbleInPoetry

    IDabbleInPoetry Fapstronaut

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    Set up some time for sure man. Don't doubt yourself :)
     
  13. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    Done...
    we will meet tomorrow..

    I will give you guys feedback.
     
    thedaring9 likes this.
  14. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Good luck Me12345
     
    Me12345 likes this.
  15. BiaForce

    BiaForce Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like you are overthinking this one way too much. If you want to pursue something with this girl then ask her out and be clear about your intentions. Women are smart and can tell when men are interested in them. If you get turned down then so be it, the fact that you asked her out in the first step is an accomplishment in itself.
     
  16. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    we had a little chat yesterday when we met. we didn't discuss anything serious I just let her know that I am willing to help her in any way I can, academically. I didn't let her know that I have interest in her. I thought it would be hard but it went smoothly...

    I admit to the fact that I am over thinking it. I am 21 and I don't have a girlfriend. sometimes , my life get boring because I don't have a female I can text or call
     
  17. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Good job man :) Glad it went smooth.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2019
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  18. BiaForce

    BiaForce Fapstronaut

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    My only concern with you helping her academically is that she will just think of you as a friend and when you finally tell her that you want to see her romantically, she won't feel the same way. I am guilty of doing this with women numerous times in the past and I would always be heartbroken when my feelings weren't reciprocated. I hate to say this but I think you need to choose what path you want to take either you pursue her romantically or you offer to help tutor her and fall into the friend zone.
     
    Me12345 likes this.
  19. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    May be, but the mythical friend zone is just another aspect stemming from the hidden agenda and creepiness that has been discussed throughout this thread. If there is a friend zone, it is not created by her, but by him, because he secretly thinks that's where he belongs. You create the friend zone for yourself as soon as you put her on a pedestal. And no, swallowing the red pill and turning the hierarchy around (so you now look down on women) won't help either: just treat her as an equal human being.

    I think you should embrace this opportunity to get to know her a little better in a relaxed and neutral way and environment, @Me12345, if you really feel like doing this.
     
    Me12345 likes this.
  20. Me12345

    Me12345 Fapstronaut

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    I think am going to try and do that
     

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