I feel so far behind everyone else.

I have been there before I was in deep depression and my hygiene paid the price I was suicidal and felt life was so pointless and dull. I wasn't showering or brushing my teeth.


That said at 18 I started taking better care of myself after a traumatic experience I started showering and brushing I am 25 now and I am in the process of fixing the damage I had done to my teeth. But even after recovering I had regrets feeling I messed up my future I was sexually confused I had girls attracted to me but also had guys attracted to me I said no to a relationship with this one girl because of trust issues I have never been in a relationship because I have a deep fear of infidelity. So that combined with my young sexual encounters with other boys got me into watching porn because porn can't betray you that was my mindset at least but as we all know porn is dangerous. I even got involved with racism and hurt someone really close to me a good of mine because I was a dumb kid in school getting obsessed with nazis which is something I will always hate to admit that since she was a nice girl but I treated her unfairly because she is black

I didn't mean to spill my life story to you and don't know if you believe in God I do at times I felt like David or Job from the bible that God was not on my side. But now I see God let me go through a dark time with depression, porn, a corrupt mindset, and toxic people but he pulled me out of it and now I am wiser.

 

I’d say many of these things are common in addicts. I experience them myself. The problem of porn addiction is undoubtedly bigger than it looks as people are either in denial or try to conceal it generally speaking. So in comparison to other people (even though you shouldn’t do that) you dont actually know where you stand. When I was at secondary school, I had a reputation for doing well in my subjects and I had a decent number of “friends”, but nobody knew that I was suffering from both porn and video game addictions. My point is that you don’t know what people are concealing and you should give yourself some respect for recognising your problem so early on. This means that you have time to change unlike many men who fap for tens of years until they finally realise something is wrong, by which time they’ve lost too much time and damaged their bodies. It’s also good that you have a moral conscience about what you’re doing but don’t let it drag you down because the lower you feel, the more you feel like doing it.

PMO refers to porn, masturbation and orgasm. MO is just masturbation and orgasm. MO to purely sensations and no images/fantasies is the least addictive way and can’t lead to escalation. It’s probably wise to be mindful of both but I would avoid porn especially

 

Believe me pal. You are not the only one here. Actually i feel the same way you do. But i believe that what there is that is dragging me down, so there must be something that can lift me up. I hope my friend that we can change things for the better. I wish you patience and resilience.