I fear I've destroyed all my progress

Man, stop thinking in so negative terms. You mustn't be so hard on yourself. You're abstained for more than a year for God sake! How many people on this forum has achieved such streak? You're in top 1 %, probably even in 0.1%. Be proud of that. I know I'd be. Yes, you've stumbled on your recovery path, but you're still on it. Cover your wounds, pick yourself up and continue walking. There's no need to go off road. Think of no PMO as a way of life not a destination. We're all only imperfect humans trying to better ourselves along the way.

 

If your worried about PIED try doing monk mode for 4-6 months. Given that you're singe now, you can easily wait with dating few more months to get your mojo back.

 

It's not about trying, the guy had already done one year! He's not trying it, he has done it!

Im just trying to make up my mind, if you lose all the advantages of one year on nofap just fapping 3 times, it just mean that it's a placebo.

 

The thing is you're not thinking straight when you relapse. Feeling of guilt, anger and depression cloud your judgment, if you haven't prepared for the moment of slip beforehand. The worst thing you can do at that moment is to return living the old way. Months of daily binge masturbation later you'll realize that damage inflicted by first slip was nothing compared to months of self destruction behavior that followed. I've been there, done that many, many times. That's why I say stop with self-pity immediately, analyze what went wrong, learn from it, pick yourself up and carry on the road to recovery.

 

I've had a PMO dependency for many years, but it was only in the last couple years that it got serious, to the point where I was out-of-control binging for months on end, and getting mixed up with some very deviant, self-destructive kinds of P, the kinds that can take you to some very dark places. I did also develop borderline PIED from repeated, very long (like 5-6 hours) PMO sessions.

When I first tried nofap it took me something around 100 days to start to recover from both of these problems. This was after several attempts, where I failed usually around the two week mark. But once I made it past that I started to feel better, not just physically, but emotionally too, as far as improving my low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. After several months my confidence started building, and I was able to relate better to people and become more sociable. Pulling away from the endless rounds of PMO allowed me more time and energy and motivation to bring other positives into my life like exercising more and developing a spiritual practice which works for me.

Just remember man, change is possible. Human beings can be very adaptable and flexible when they need to be. It is not easy, nor does it happen overnight, but there is a way forward, you just need to find what that path is for you, and start taking those steps along it as best you can.

 

@Gavalar09

I think the longer the streak lost, the harder the relapse feels...there is a chance that you are legitimately feeling as low now, as you were before all this. In a way, maybe worse because you've tasted success, so this feeling is a stark contrast from the successful year you had.
But what are you going to do, go back to full-blown porn usage and pack it in? The thing about starting NoFap, is that you'll never fully be able to check out of the mindset, especially after you've had success, which is why relapses suck. If I do fall back into habitual porn usage, I'll be crippled with the guilt of knowing just how damaging the self-inflicted poison is. Abstinence from porn works for us, I've experienced it, and so have you, more so than me even! Knowing this, yet continuing to relapse is so disappointing and demoralizing that I truly believe I will kill myself if I were to fall back in a serious way. So I feel you with the suicide comment, that's a real feeling. I had it in a serious way after my last relapse...like even if I have lost control of my urges at least I have control over my life, or rather death. Suicide was one of the few things that gave me comfort after relapse.
THESE FEELINGS WILL GO AWAY.
They always do after several weeks.
Also, there are so many reasons to be doing NoFap, even if you're not sexually active...like myself I'd guess the majority of guys on this site are in monk-mode. Developing a sense of self-confidence and feeling that maybe I'm actual worthy of some type of happiness is motivation enough for me. A lot of things stem from those two things...social anxiety fades, and if it is girls that you're trying to go after, they pick up on these traits. I feel like you need a few "why's" to be successful. And like others have said, try and challenge yourself and good things will come...along with failures and setbacks, but focus on the bigger picture as much as possible.

 

The thought of trying to go the rest of my life without ever looking at porn again seems pretty daunting. I really hope that I'm able to do it. That being said, I don't want to run into the risk of becoming too flippant about relapses, because like you said that may lead to binges etc. It's different for everyone, but for me I think it's important to look back and say, "Hey, I've only relapsed once or twice this year!" as opposed to saying "well fuck, I've been on NoFap for a year, and I'm only on day 16." So I'm trying to develop that "shoot for the moon land on the clouds" mindset, and seeing them as slip-ups, as opposed to relapses...unless I've slid back in a serious way and have some really self-assessing to do.
So week to week, month to month...whatever works best at your stage in the game. For me, I'm looking at the whole year to be honest.

 

Yeah he did it and thinks he got benefits from it. Might be that benefits are real, might just be placebo. Here's my point

1. Does it matter if it is placebo? It does no harm for him and seems to have given him benefits.
2. I think of it like the stock market. You might take years to accumulate saved assets, but one crash and you lose everything. I really havent done this long enough to know if this is true, but it's not unthinkable

 

The thing is, i'm trying to understand if nofap is a placebo or not, and after 11 months i'm starting to think it's placebo, and if it's not placebo, it's totally overrated.

I'm starting to think it's a way to take advantage of weak people from people who needs to sell something...

 

Okay. I do hope you find what you're looking for.
I'm open to the idea that its not for everyone. Even though right now i can see noone getting hurt off this, let me know what you find out i'm always interested in another point of view
As i've said numerous times, i'm not too far in this thing to say anything