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I fear I've destroyed all my progress

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Gavalar09, Apr 22, 2019.

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  1. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    It's been over a year since I started my NoFap journey and until 2 months ago I was completely clean from PMO and had recovered, having regular sex with my girlfriend at the time.
    2 months ago we broke up and in that time I've relapsed 3 times, all edging and PMO sessions.
    I feel like my PIED will be back. I would test it with a girl but the last 4 dates I've been on I've been knocked back by all of them.
    I'm doing all I can to keep busy but it all just currently leads to a PMO fix.
    I feel like I'm losing my mind!
     
    Brown Sugar likes this.
  2. You haven't lost all your progress. All that time you spent before with nofap has made you a lot more aware of how all this works, and shown that you have the strength to overcome real challenges. Since you're between gf's, you're basically in monk-mode, which is difficult but doable. Just do your best bro.
     
  3. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    I know but the three long edging sessions I've had have helped that porn pathway.
    I'm worried my PIED will quite easily come back.
    I've done everything to keep busy, stay at the house but this bank holiday has left me pretty lonely which has led to two relapses in 24 hours.

    I really fucked up this time, brain fog has instantly come on.
     
    Anonymous86 likes this.
  4. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

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    How bad is your current brain fog?
     
  5. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    No worries mate, you're only human. Shit happens. Don't beat yourself up over it. The most important thing is to get back on your feet immediately to prevent this slip developing into full blown relapse. One year of no PMO is a long time, no way could you lose all the progress you've made. Just stop PMOing immediately. Similar thing happened to me last year after being 220 days in monk mode. One slip, followed by: "Ah, I failed, now can PMO few more times before restarting" opened door to months long binge PMO rabbit hole.

     
  6. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    Not crazily bad but I have no motivation and alot of depression.
    Brain fog will most likely be very bad tomorrow.
     
  7. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    I don't want too at all.
    But the dating setbacks and breakup have put me right back into PMO, somewhere I never thought I would return!
    I feel like shit today after the two relapses in 24 hours and can't believe this has happened! Things were going so well!
     
  8. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    If nofap advantages from a year can be wiped out from 3 times wanking, they're not real advantages, they're placebo...
     
  9. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    But the thing is that I Edged during these relapses so my brain was filled with dopamine for an extended period of time. I will probably take months to recover again after all this. I'm a fucking idiot.
     
  10. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    I don't know man, if a year of struggle is totally resetted by 3 wanks, it means that nofap is nothing else than placebo...
     
    Sterkte likes this.
  11. CoolRandomDesiDude

    CoolRandomDesiDude Fapstronaut

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    PICK YOURSELF UP AND KEEP GOING! My major problem is that one wank is followed by multiple wanks. When it rains, it pours. They just absolutely sap away your time and energy. Lower the frequency and you will get more longetivity in your streaks.
     
    Freeddom_Taker and Gavalar09 like this.
  12. Sterkte

    Sterkte Fapstronaut

    I think as some others here have hinted at to remember the difference between "reset" and "relapse". I wasn't on nearly as long a streak as you, but I got to almost 90 days, and thought I'd never pmo again. I did. I got stuck on short streaks and ended up resetting 3 times in 2 weeks. I feel like I'm finally back on track now.
    I didn't lose all my progress. Depression and anxiety returned, brain fog and lethargy crept in, but this time I was armed with the experience of a long streak. I don't think all that rewiring can be undone with edging/PMOing...unless you start doing it on a regular basis again, which I would then call a full-blown relapse, where you're back to square one. But, the longer the period of being clean, the longer it will take to undo the progress, by my estimation.
    It's not gonna take months to recover, there's no way. 2 or 3 weeks and I'd guess you'll be back to 90% of where you were at 300+ days. I'm hoping that's true for me! I'm just over 2 weeks now and starting to feel fired up and excited for life again!!
    The key: Remember, you're not as far gone as your addicted brain is trying to tell you you are. Stop PMOing at ALL COSTS, otherwise you will waste all your hardwork. Keep your head up and all the best! You got this.
     
    Gavalar09 likes this.
  13. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    After my first relapse I did see morning wood again on days 10 and 11 which was good. I guess the issue is because I don't have a girl to test it out with. I have no idea how good/bad things are with a real life partner.

    My dick is completely dead again which is no real surprise to me right now. I guess there's just alot of panic surrounding it again. To go from a year of no relapsing to 3 full blown relapses in 2 weeks has really destroyed me both emotionally and physically.
     
    Sterkte likes this.
  14. Sterkte

    Sterkte Fapstronaut

    I was frustrated after 90 days, so I can only imagine the frustration after a year. I really wish I could say something more helpful and encouraging then "get back in the saddle, bro!", but I'm afraid I don't. Just gotta keep after it, and hope you start feeling back to normal soon enough.
    Actually, I should add a thought that came to mind after my relapse: While a PMO-free life from here on out would be awesome, I wonder if this addiction is something we'll always wrestle with...like maybe we'll always end up relapsing every so often. And maybe it's best to focus on keeping that frequency as low as possible as opposed to living in fear of that dreaded reset...I still have a chance to keep my number of PMO sessions to under 5 for the entirety of 2019, which would be sick. Idk, just a thought.
     
    ReachForTheSkies likes this.
  15. It's good that you're concerned, and taking it seriously, but on the other hand worrying about what may or not come of it is useless and counterproductive. A setback is merely a diversion along the path of progress. Accept this, regroup, tap into that motivation you had before, and move forwards one day at a time.
     
  16. You know, this is an interesting thought. At least for people like me, who are basically in long-term monk-mode, it might make more sense. There's another poster here who just keeps a running tally month by month, putting X's on those few days he's failed. I was thinking of switching to that model myself. Seems like a more pragmatic approach than trying to maintain total restraint indefinitely. On the other hand, that can only work if a single slip-up doesn't necessarily send you into a full-on binge stretch.
     
    Sterkte likes this.
  17. tw0987654321

    tw0987654321 Fapstronaut

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    If i may ask, why are you going around subs just asking whether it's placebo?
    I get it may not work for you. If so, feel free to quit. I hope no one is judging you if you decide to go back to porn, i'm not. To each their own.
    But don't you think that it's worth it for someone else to try? Maybe it will bring benefits to them
    And even if it is placebo, there is no harm in trying, and it will bring psychological benefits for the fapstronaut. I don't see any way you can really lose in this scenario

    I am also in this partly to see what happens. If i feel better, great. If not, then at least i've learned a bit of self- control.
     
    Fenix Rising likes this.
  18. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    The motivation I had prior was my now ex girlfriend. I'm not a ladies man so I don't know how ill see progress without a girl. This is where the issues come in.
    I'm a very lonely person and this is what happened during my last major relapse with the two PMO/edging sessions in less than 24 hours.
    I'm definitely back to square one.
    The only option in seeing right now is suicide.
    I'm fed up of being a porn obsessed man who can't get women.
    Social isolation has destroyed me.
     
  19. Dude alot of us including me aren't "ladies men". I used to be so shy around girls I could barely talk to them. But over time, after taking some small steps, and healthy risks, and accepting that occasional failure/rejection was just part of the deal (as it is for all males), I learned how to socialize better, how to be more comfortable around women, how to flirt a little, and even how to ask a girl out, that kind of stuff. It did not happen overnight, but I definitely improved my life and my opportunities with women. There's like 3.5 billion of them out there man, so have some faith that there are others out there for you!

    Maybe taking some steps forward along that path of coming out of your shell, connecting more with society (not just girls, but everyone on a social level), might be a positive goal for you to set. Having such a goal can both help you stay away from the PMO cycle and also improve your own self-esteem and optimism about your future. You're in pain right now, which I understand, and we've all been there, but it can get better with time and some effort.

    If you're really feeling down please talk to someone ok buddy? You can make it through this, and if you need a little help there's no shame in that, alot of us have needed such help along the way. I've been seeing a counselor myself for some time now, and it's really helped alot. Keep moving forward as best you can, nobody expects you to be perfect. Take care and don't give up man.
     
  20. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    How bad were your PMO issues and did you ever suffer from PIED?
     

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