I can't get her out of my mind (I need some support please)

Could you explain more? Why do you feel yourself using "her"? Who is the woman you are talking about? Just a friend ?!

 

I would watch this video and do the exercise he is describing, it helped me get over most of the pain of a broken relationship within a few days of doing this exercise.

 

I'd love to offer some advice, but Karimtolstoi is right, without more details we really can't offer you much more than, "keep your chin up, there are other fish in the sea" and "it's going to be tough, but you'll get through it. You just need to keep yourself occupied, and if you start to spiral, latch onto something concrete to distract yourself"

All pretty good advice, but also very general.

 

It’s hard to lose a friend. But it sounds like more than a friend though and it would be helpful to know why you lost her. That being said I suspect you are younger than me so let me give you some advice from a 40 year old woman that I would tell myself.

It gets better. I know that right now it feels like this is the end of the world. It hurts really really bad and you just want to make it stop. It feels like it will never get better it does. You know how I know? Because I’ve been there many many times most of us have. It may take awhile but one day the pain passes and you find yourself no longer thinking of her in a bad way but instead as a memory and lesson and the poof you meet someone else. Everything happens for a reason . Sometimes that reason is because you are just not right for each other. And you are trying to force what’s not there. Good things fall apart so better things can come together. And grief is the price we pay for love. The less someone wants you the more you want them. Love, true love does not feel like this. It’s not a movie. You need not chase the right girl and when you meet her you will see what I mean.

For now? Hear what I am saying. Keep yourself busy. DO NOT sit inside alone. Call your other friends or family go see a movie by yourself, eat your favorite food. Block her numbers and social media and ask her not to call you or text. You need that for now. Give yourself time to be sad and then pick yourself up and go find the person that is right for you.

 

just know you don't need her, you want her, you be fine without her, just make this your mindset, that you only need god

 

this guy says amazing stuff. i already watched different videos by him. he is insanely motivational!

 

I am so sorry. It sounds like you wanted more than she did and now that she’s met someone it hurts you and she has less time to spend with you. When you were friends did you ever tell her that you loved her or that you wanted more? If not why not? It is definitely best for you to cut off all contact with her for now. You need to heal your heart. And no you can’t be friends with someone you love who does not reciprocate. This will cause you more pain than you can imagine. I know you want to share your feelings with her and think that would make you feel better but it won’t. She is not going to have the response you want. And everytime you have contact with her you reopen your wounds. Time to cut your losses and move on. She’s no longer part of your life. It’s going to hurt a lot, but it’s better to deal with that now then to keep wasting your time with someone who does not feel the same hoping she will change her mind, she won’t. And you can’t be her friend because that’s not what you want, you want more and she will never give you that.

 

The social media break is an excellent idea! And sorry to say I think you got some well meaning but misguided advice from friends . Since you had feelings for her and told her and she expressed she did not feel the same, then the best thing for you to do was end the friendship. I think the mistake a lot of men make is to think that if they continued the friendship that maybe she will change her mind, or open her eyes and see what’s right in front of her, so you stay and you hope, all the while setting yourself up for pain. It comes from a massive gender difference in how men and women feel about friendships. See most men would sleep with their female friends if they had the option, they are generally not friends with women who they are not attracted to, or at least not more than causal relationships. And the type of platonic intimacy that a woman shares with her male friends is the same as she shares with her female friends. However, men don’t generally share this type of intimacy with their guy friends. Generally male friends don’t hold each other while crying or share deep emotional connections. So when a woman says no I don’t feel that way about you the man sees signals which he believes are more than friendship, because they are more than any male on male friendship he’s been in, and they keep hanging on thinking she feels the same as him but is playing hard to get or not ready to date or does not want to ruin the friendship, all excuses to keep hanging onto her.

Now women the majority of us have a lot of close guy friends we don’t find attractive and would never sleep with, they are just like female friends. And most women decide pretty early on if you are a friend or a love interest and you have zero control over it. And very rarely do we move friend zoned guys back to date, this is not a hallmark movie lol. And when we trust you as our friend and you tell us that you have other feelings, and we have been friends for say 2years we feel betrayed and offended. We see the only reason you stayed friends with us is ulterior motives to date me, and that stings us a lot. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me.

I understand that you don’t want to totally cut her out eight this second, so so when you are ready. She is not interested and there is nothing you can do to change that, nor is there anything you did to cause it. If you respect her enough now to respect her relationship be diplomatic about this and leave her alone Maybe you can be friends again. But if you keep talking to her and trying to convince her otherwise that’s likely to never happen. We don’t like when we tell a man no, and he keeps persisting.

I know it hurts and there is nothing wrong with getting help with medication and counseling. But while you think I’m totally not cutting her out you are lessening the pain, you are actually making it a lot worse for yourself, like slowly ripping off s bandaid.

She was not the girl for you, and you are not together because she is not the girl for you and no matter what you did she would never be the girl for you. There are plenty of girls out there that are the right ones for you and trust me you will find them. But for now you are grieving, it’s just like losing someone to death, maybe even harder. I found a great quote when I was in a bad heartbreak “the hardest thing you will ever do is to grieve the loss of someone who is living.” It’s not just her it’s the relationship you thought you had, it’s your hopes and dreams of her. So take time and grieve the loss of what could have been and when you do that please remind yourself that that was not reality nor was it ever going to be. You will get through this I promise.

 

put god first man, that worked for me, and when you say to your mind you can't then what are you expecting bruh, ofcourse you can't, when those thoughts come up, say I can and when they keep coming be like, is this benefiting me?, you have to be one with your mind, it's your best friend, but sometimes it's your enemy, you don't have to listen, they are just thoughts

 

Try to focus on something else, and meditation can help also, I also got this problem,

 

This right here is concerning. Bottling up your emotions and pretending they don’t exist won’t do you any good. Crying is completely healthy and normal. And you know what? It’s actually relieving and makes you feel BETTER!
I feel for you man, I’ve been in a very similar situation for the past couple years. It sucks big time. First I went through the rejection of her saying she wasn’t interested in being with me after we had talked all the time and it was clear that was the direction we were headed. That hurt especially bad because we remained friends and in the same friend group/small group at church. Now I’m going through losing her as a friend. I haven’t seen her or even texted her in like 6 months. I still love her as a person alot. As much as that sucks, life goes on. It does get easier as time passes. Don’t be stuck on her. Move on with your life and find that person that does want you. I wish you the best, God bless.

 

Maybe my post will be little bit bitter, but it is still the truth that is said with kind hearth to help you in long run.

Looks to me like you are suffering typical Oneitis. Normally, I would say I dont understand how you can be such idiot, but actually I do, as I was exactly same when I was about your age. But dont worry, life will teach you. Important now is to get the lesson, learn from it and do not repeat the mistake again.

Remember this: "Attraction diminishes with time." There is nothing sexual or intimate you can expect after year and half of friendship.
You said that you told her "love you" at the beginning of friendship (what seems WAY to soon to me and dont even deserved, I would not tell girl "I love you" even after one month one-on-one dating maybe at beginning I would say something "I like you", "I find you interesting", "I want to learn more about you", etc but that's me and I didnt want to talk about that now.

You told her I love her but words are not an actions!! Where is asking for dates? Where are creating sexual tension? Where is teasing?
1. If you were afraid to ask her out for a date worried to blow your chances --> this is very unattractive, since attractive man knows what he wants and goes for it. Therefore longer you waited, the more attraction (that could be there initially) diminishes.
2. You asked her out, but she refused or she didnt want to go but you still stayed hoping and trying --> this is very needy, what is very unattractive characteristic. If somebody is not interested in you, but it is your only option in after long time so you cling to it firmly and the results are actually counterproductive. The longer you stayed hoping and trying, the more she saw how needy you are and the more unattractive you became to her. Again attraction diminishes with time.

I know you stayed and was friend with her hoping that she will see how great guy you are for her and she will realize the "mistake" she made and become your gf. But the shit doesnt work like that. It works like I have already wrote above.
There is literally nothing you can do is somebody is not interested in you. NOTHING.
It is good to show the interest from the beginning ("I find you intersting, I want to learn more about you, let's go ...(some date)") but if she refuses once or twice without any counter offer best is to move on to another girl since you will only waste time (1.5 year in this case), energy and money that you could invest in another girl that could make you happy not miserable as now.

So learn the lesson and do not repeat the same mistake again. Because if you dont change the process you will have always the same results.

Edit: actually there is one exception to this rule "There is nothing sexual or intimate you can expect after year and half of friendship." An intimate relationship can happen but only if the girl is more needy as you (what was not case in your case).