I am becoming an incel

Your post shows you have enough self-awareness to notice this and know it's not okay. It's people who justify their hatred or are in denial are the ones who become incels.

 

Hate is not a good Motivator in order to live a peaceful Life.
It doesn't matter if it's now a Man or a Woman, young or old, or someone from any Race, Country or Culture.
Life is too short to hate each other.
I know this because I have lost so many People in my Life who meant for me alot.
But now they are all gone and I would give everything to see them only 1 Time again.

I once were also like you.
For me I can't hate Woman only because they are Woman.
There is no written rule that an innocent Baby is automatically bad because it is born as a girl (or a boy)
If there is a Person who is unfair to you or someone not mature enough or who have wrong views or wrong perceptions simply pass these People or go your own way.
Yes nowadays there are alot of ignorant egoistic superficial selfish Woman as well as so many Men who were also acting like that.
I clearly see that and it is horrible.
They are alot of people who are on the wrong Path and I do believe they do suffer alot.
But we assume they don't.

The more you hate people the more you hate yourself, on the other side, the more you love people the more you love yourself as well. Love and Hate is always directed to yourself because your Feelings are going to yourself.
You feeding those Emotions to your being all the Time.

In my Life I have also experienced agressive and heartless Woman but I still believe the good in People, because I have seen also other people, other Woman who have a different view on different Things, which you may think like..."okay thats also what I am standing for"...but of course this doesn't mean that you have to fit to that Person but at least they have a good Charakter.
To be honest I am also pessimistic to find my Dreamgirl and I do live with unfullfilled imaginations. I truly admit that.
But we have to keep going on even without a Woman and this doesn't have to hurt us.

I have started to do Transcendental Meditation again after a long break and I almost forgot how good this feeling was to love yourself through TM.
In Love and Gratitude.

 

I mean I don't have hate towards women, I have probably opposite that I will never be good enough, this reason I never had irl relationships ever in my life.

Though the main thing is working on yourself and not care about such thing as woman, aka they don't exist at all should be the mindset, as we waste our energy and time thinking of what could be or how we failed in our life, in the end it leads to looking down to women and also overall such emotions.

 

I'm a christian too! *fist bump*

God is just keeping you like Paul and Jesus. They were both single and they lived very productive lives. You're no more cursed than they were. There's so much more to life than dating. I'm not saying you should give up on dating, though.

 

have you been going to church regularly? I know for me, if I exercise, eat healthy, attend church, go to work, and get enough sleep... then I pretty much don't have much negative thoughts towards women...

maybe you just need to keep yourself in a really good mood all the time... which is hard to do.. and pretty much impossible after a relapse..

 

Put the third point first and all others will be given to you (Matthew 6:33).

As a Christian “dating” is pointless if it’s not courtship that is working towards marriage. If you’re not wanting to be married then you have no business spending lots of time around the opposite sex.

As for anger towards women you can drop it by looking to yourself and your own imperfections and how much you stand in need of help and mercy.

From what I can read you sound pretty level headed and able to notice unhealthy thoughts and behaviors. Keep praying for the grace to recognize those and reject them when they try to overtake you. We can be tempted with lots of odd and even disgusting things; these temptations DO NOT determine our worth or our state of morality. Plenty of holy people have been tempted with terrible thoughts. Combating such temptations is part of the process of growing in love and surrender to God.

With that said prayer, the sacraments, and time of solitude with God are essential. Prayer and sin cannot co-exist, you will drop one or the other.

 

Porn was slowly turning me into one, however I never felt hatred towards them. I just felt obligated to get sex. I knew this wasn't normal and it scared the hell out of me. It was my wake up call to get away for good