Thank you. Glad to hear you've gone that long like that! He went to counseling for 6 months about it and was able to uncover some of the reasons behind it, but obviously it's still up to him to actually want to stop. I have suggested nofap and group therapy, he's never been the type to join online communities so I don't know if I'll ever see him on here. But he's pretty adamant he doesn't want to go to group therapy, not much I can do about it. In the mean time I'm just trying to cope!
It would help him to have some support. If you are the only person with whom he talks about it, it leaves you in an odd dual relationship position. Has he read any helpful books?
Okay. So it sounds like you approve each others' decisions for budget purposes. Since he asked you to help him quit - have you asked him if he thinks that would be too tempting? Honestly, if you think it might be a potential problem, the best thing you can do is let him come to the conclusion. This way he can't be resentful later and try to blame you.
Yes, exactly. Naturally we are never mistrustful like that. My frequent outburst to my BF is "I am not a police officer! I don't want to be one!" I want to trust people close to me, but, unfortunately, now I can't... so I snoop and ask and check and sniff and all kinds of crazy things I never thought I would do with anyone, especially a close person.
The Paperwhite is an awesome device - I love mine and do greater than 90% of my reading on it. I have used the 'experimental browser' on my Paperwhite once and only once. And that one time I looked at porn. After that I turned on Parental Controls so that I can't access the browser. I did that years ago and have long forgotten the password. I'm quite computer savvy. If I really want to I can get around barriers on my iPhone, iPad and Mac - but have never once been able to get around the parental controls on the Kindle (because it's much simpler, there's no way to hack into it like the other devices). All versions of the Paperwhite (including the first version which I have) include an 'experimental browser', however you have to enable it in settings before you can access it (you can also disable it as per what I wrote above).
Well... if hes not gonna read erotica there then you shouldnt worry about the browser on a Kindle 3 Keyboard. Its not tactile but it has a keyboard whos awesome to take notes and the browser SUCKS
I wasn't speaking specifically to the paper white. I meant a kindle in general. My kindle is not a paper white. Not everything has to be new to be new.
Am I wrong in thinking this is supposed to be a support forum for the partners of porn addicts? I'm brand new to this site (and indeed this whole porn addiction) but if this is the kind of judgey feedback I'm going to get for asking legit questions then I doubt I will post anything more.
Always check who the reply is from. I find (sorry if I offend some of you PAs, but that's life) that if a reply is from a PA, especially a young one, and especially a single one, and ESPECIALLY from a PA with no counter or a very LOW counter, then I take what they write with a HUGE grain of salt, or even ignore it, if I find it triggering, offensive, or not helpful at all. Once I even reported one poster (not someone replying to my post, but anyways) for very inappropriate post, hugely triggering. I also sometimes ask posters to add trigger warning to some of their posts, because, well, we get triggered. You will find some guys on this forum to be very helpful and supportive, but definitely not all of them. Just check who we often "like" , you will know who I'm talking about. A lot of PAs have NO CLUE what they are saying to SOs, so just smile and wave. But please, don't give up asking for help. Most people here are very helpful and supportive. But yeah, filter what doesn't serve you.
Thank you so much for your response. I think I am on a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment and although I'm computer literate(ish) I'm finding this site pretty hard to navigate :-/ I posted a super long introductory post and I'm not even sure where I posted it! Whoops! I also can't work out how to check what you mentioned about posters, but I'm pretty sure I'll get there. I may even I inadvertently offend a few people myself along the way!
No worries If you click on a nickname, you get a pop-up with basic info about a poster. From that pop-up you can even navigate to their profile page. Some people don't include their age or location, but anyways. If you mouse-over your own nickname in the black bar on the almost top, you can pick many things to view. For example, if you click "My content", you can see everything you have ever posted, like the post you "lost" ;-)
This is excellent! & @Broken81 don't worry about offending us, starting out in the PA world is kind of like waking up after a plane crash.The other survivors aren't going to be easily offended, we are just glad we made it. It's chaos, but you are among friends ok... Some people are just lost in their own drama. Promise.
Thanks Kenzi. I think the plane crash has happened, but I'm still walking about on the beach with concussion, not knowing who I am, where I am or where I'm going!!! Its all very confusing and overwhelming.
Thank you! This is the exact advice I needed! He's going to get it now, and if it works like that I'll have the password for the browser and it shouldn't be an issue at all.
Religious background? If he's Christian or open to it, Point Man and Man in the Mirror are a couple of positive books. Was he sexually abused? It would be easier to make suggestions if I knew him. He might find some help from the videos and articles that get posted here on NoFap.
The book I'm currently reading, by Russel Brand the comedian (don't let that put you off as it nearly did me) is a very candid and insightful memoir of how he used the 12 steps to treat his own addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex and porn. You can read more about it at: Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions. Two more books that many of us here (including myself) have found helpful are: Your Brain On Porn which details the changes that compulsively viewing internet porn can make to our brain and what that means if we want to be free. He also has some really good (free) stuff on his website https://yourbrainonporn.com. The book that started my own journey into recovery from porn addiction was Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame. Best of luck to both you and your husband. It's a difficult path being the partner of a porn addict. My wife has had to stumble along her own path of wanting to support me to be clean, while also neither enabling me to act out nor making me feel even more shame and dis-ease when I do slip.
