How to overcome the anger? (This is hindering me)

I know what you mean. I used to have anger issues and deal with them the same way. I would just push them away or try to drown them to escape. But that's the wrong thing to do and there are much healthier ways to deal with it.

Yeah, you won't make any progress until you deal with the anger.

Hmm, sorry but it can't really be as simple as that. Some advice pushes people too quickly to forgive when they're not really ready for that. If it's something really traumatic then you might have to work through your backed up emotions. Or if a specific person is annoying you then you might need to deal with that person. Either face them or just get away from them. It's not always as easy as some people say. Maybe that's not what you meant but I see this kind of advice sometimes. If you try to forgive someone before you're really ready then you will just fill your heart with more rage.

 

Deescalate your body first. Take long, deep breaths. You can’t think when you’re angry, you can’t make good choices. Once you’re calmed down do not let your emotions run away with you again. You don’t achieve calm, check that off the list, and move on to dealing with the issue. You have to prioritize remaining calm while you deal with the issue.

Think of it like a shaken up soda bottle. You tighten the lid, to keep it from spewing everywhere. You’re going to have to open it eventually, because drinking is the point, but you have to wait. Then, you might think you’ve waited long enough so you crack that lid again but nope. Be patient with your situation and be patient with yourself. Give yourself the time to calm, and maintain calm.

When you can maintain calm, rationally sort through why you are angry, and even if you have a right to be angry. I’ve been in so much therapy, if I had a dollar for every time I heard “all feelings are valid” I could afford therapy, but I believe the truth is, some feelings aren’t. Sometimes we wrap ourselves up in self-righteousness and choose to be more outraged than we need to be, or is justified. And sometimes we are justified in being angry, but we can choose to let it go. Sometimes life isn’t fair, but sometimes we can take the hit and keep going. Not every battle is worth fighting. Not every hill is worth dying on. Sometimes you should put your foot down and stand up for your rights, and demand the respect you deserve, but sometimes it’s better to overlook the slight and choose the peaceful route. The difference between the two is what is going to result in more tranquility in the long term.

When you choose to fight, do it with a clear head. Aim to resolve the situation without escalating. Use communication, describe your complaint and your expectations to the relevant party, and be prepared to listen to their rebuttal. Again, if you find yourself getting angry, feel the pressure building, take the time to calm and release the pressure so you can approach the problem rationally. Keep communicating, and that means listening as well as talking, until expectations are clear and a resolution is reached.

This process will take a lot of practice, and it will not always go smoothly, but you will be happier in the long run if you execute it.

 

I experience the same thing.. anger is what usually ends up driving me to relapse.. it’s just angry thoughts in my head, not expressed outwardly (usually)

wish I could give some advice, I like the responses on here though.. perhaps meditation is something that I HAVE TO begin implementing.. it’s no longer an option, but has to be done for healing my thoughts

 

Yeah man, I had a massive anger problem, but I didn't realize it, because my anger would get turned inward. So I would suddenly feel super tired, go silent and have weird body symptoms for days and days, and in the past this would usually result in compulsively looking at porn. Once I realized it was anger, it was like a light bulb went off, and I learned to deal with it in a healthy way. Part of the problem was that I was letting people in my inner circle who really didn't care much about my feelings. I guess I realized, if other people don't seem to care if I'm upset, then I might as well just deny the anger even exists. The human mind comes up with the weirdest ways of self-defense. I got away from those people and worked a lot on my inner child or subconscious "sleeping partner" with research and some therapy. Life is so much easier now, because if someone makes me angry, I just tell them, "Hey, when you said this it made me upset," and we deal with it like adults.

I think you've got it flipped. Actually, the real you is the healthy one and the addiction is making you act in ways that are against your true self. At least, that's how I see it!

 

A wise man once said, anger is a traveling companion who you can't put in the trunk, and you can't let him drive either.