How to know if P use has affected your preferences?

I think it has led me to want a more male dominated relationship. King of the castle.

 

If you see something enough... You eventually get curious.
It's simply that simple.
People are curious by nature.
Things they never thought theyd do, suddenly becomes interesting.

Having actually been in those situations before and I think that I can answer in a nontriggering way.

Also -
Things aren't always like they are in the movies/TV.
Me and my SO discussed possibilities for future fun at several points in our relationship... At every point he's turned this down.
Real life, isn't fantasy computer Land.
It takes conversation and you deal with everyone's flaws and insecurities and... What is worse than that?
Preferences.
When it's on screen it's all directions and do this and show me that.
In reality, it's emotions.
And Boundaries pushing.

We have a completely transparent relationship.
So he knows everything from my past.

I know what you are talking about... This is what you are talking about?
I do believe I responded last time?
How can I help you answer this question again

 

@noexcuses I have two thoughts relative to your question

1) (chicken then egg) on one hand, IMO our personal experiences can drive our favored genres/acts in porn, if only subconsciously. I know that the acts/genres I favored were absolutely driven by lack of satisfaction with my personal sexual relationship. my wife is low on passion and creativity -hence I was drawn, at first entirely subconsciously, to p that had women being very passionate or specifically wives displaying strong needs and cravings for sex. I didn't connect the dots for a long time (as obvious as it is looking back...)

2) (egg then chicken) OTOH - it seems natural to me that we sometimes become interested in things we may not have known about, but we come across them in whatever forum and they catch our eye. I know there are accessories and such I would never have seen except in P that I think would be fun to try. however, it seems to many SOs there is a difference in how we came to the knowledge of that act/genre.

one place where this rubber meets the road is in a discussion that comes up frequently over in "rebooting in a relationship." if a couple gets a kama stutra book and tries those positions there is likely little thought by the woman that "he is ONLY trying to use me to recreate these pictures" - even if the pics were photographs and not just line drawings. However, when a guy wants to recreate a scenario he saw in porn, the SOs seem pretty unified that that is the guy using them as a tool to recreate a fantasy that doesn't in spirit involve them somehow. some SOs refuse to indulge this at least partly because they don't want to put the PA back in the PMO mindset, but for others they are genuinely offended at the idea. maybe that is their substantial and very real hurt talking - or maybe it is a more fundamental feminine response. I don't all the way know. (I am sure though that I have just cemented myself as a hopeless neanderthal to many! :-{} )

HTH

 

This is because often when you see something over and over when it becomes time for the experience, you will still have flashbacks of what you saw, during your real life experience, rather than being able to actually enjoy and experience it.
It's hard to "want" to be with that and truly trust the honesty in that situation.
I can however understand trying to figure out what you actually like and why you like it, as that is something I look at.
What and when you conditioned in your experiences to become patterns or curiosities to become more and made them into successful triggers or are they something that just is within you?
Sometimes, that's a whole other ball of yarn.

 

I've been wrestling with this philosophical (for me) dilemma. If our sexual experiences, early memories, etc. all feed into what is ultimately our preferences, how does that wash out for someone like me who watched porn and had sexual experiences during adolescence? Do I prefer certain things b/c I saw them in porn? Or did I already like them and porn just brought it to the surface? Does it really matter at this point b/c I know what I like,I know my preferences and that will probably not change.

Am I the product of porn or was porn just producing what I liked? (This seems like a fucked question on any level honestly).

Would I still be as kinky, as sexually active, promiscuous and have such a large part of my personality defined by sex if I had never seen lorn?

 

Seen porn. Christ I hate having big hands w/these stupid small keyboards.

 

If this is not apparent, simply continue your progress until you fully reboot. Any fetishes etc that are not innate will fade away. But generally, if you got embroiled into a genre or fetish that really turns you on, it is most likely porn-induced. Just ask if you can remember feeling this allure for it before you started using porn. In my case I have a sexual fetish that even preceded puberty, so I do not worry about it. Even when I did 243 days (hard mode) it didn't alter one iota.

 

There are differences between natural path fetishes and conditioned in ones.
However these vary person to person.
Also, kinks are different than fetishes and they come in natural and conditioned in, as well.
Knowing what is what for yourself can make a difference... Rebooting does not always mean conditioned in fetishes will "fade away" however... Depending on their development.
Sometimes, you need more drastic measures.
This is where therapy is helpful.
Natural path fetishes won't diminish.
They make up part of who you are.

 

Interesting point about kinks. How would you differentiate them vs fetishes?

Also, will complete abstention from indulgences in a natural path fetish not even open the door for other more vanilla interests? I am finding conflicting experiences regarding the intensity of these natural path fetishes after a long abstention. I've resigned that my own (microphilia, hosiery, feet) will always be a part of me (much to my chagrin) since they began before P use, but I'm trying to figure out if I can do anything to limit their crippling effects in the bedroom with my partner.

 

That's fascinating. So to some degree, the idea of a kink versus a fetish is somewhat a scale of reliance, then? Something like this: feet can turn someone on as a kink or as a fetish, but in the kink case they can finish in the bedroom without foot-related indulgences, whereas the fetishist needs it in order to finish (as is the case I find myself unfortunately in, especially with unobtainable fantasies like giantess)?

So I guess perhaps I can re-frame my question about natural path fetishes: if they never fully disappear, is it plausible that long term abstention from fetish material and fantasies could essentially "downgrade" a fetish to a kink, where it will always be a turn on, but not necessary in order to perform without it (and with a partner)?

Much of my thoughts stem from reading @SkinnyBeard 's journal, where he describes a natural path nylon fetish that remained strong for quite some time, even nearing the end of a long hard reboot. However, after 100+ days he noticed a weakening of the fetish and a few months later reported considerable progress (leaving it more as a trigger). @IGY 's experiences, however, seem to be the opposite.

Very interesting.

 

Interesting. This does not bode well for me.

 

If you have any questions.. Feel free to ask

 

I think it can certainly effect our preferences. And thank you for being sensitive to triggers.

 

I suppose the most important clarification I can ask for is in regards to:

versus

My confusion is more that suppression seems to contradict them not ever weakening (natural path fetishes). Are there any realistic chances that someone like me with three natural path fetishes can reduce my reliance on them to O in order to perform with a partner without indulging these fetishes?

Apologies for thread jacking, but I ask here since it may be relevant to OPs questions as well.

 

I have a thread on fetishes... I just couldn't find it just now tho.
Anyways... 3 is a really high number for natural path fetishes.
People can think they have all these fetishes, and end up with kinks instead too.
It's highly likely One is conditioned.
Usually people have one... And there is a fair percentage of people with two... I've seen a few with three... But without knowing you or your story, and whether or not you are a case of extreme trauma or something... It's unlikely.
However, having fetishes, while I do understand the problems they present, aren't always a problem... People usually can't see how to fix something in front of them when it's there all the time, you know?
So there are ways to ease life.
If that's what you are asking.
It's just a small field and this isn't something everyone chooses to look at... Like therapists and stuff can often leave their patients wanting help when they came to them for help and instead they end up frustrated.

 

When I made my first post in this thread, kinks had not been mentioned. But then you, @Kenzi, included them in this discussion. Although you state kinks and fetishes are different, you never define each one and demarcate the difference.

I would appreciate it if you would state clearly,

A kink is:

A fetish is:

 

Now that's really, really interesting. I think I can remember all 3 of mine being a turn on through adolescence, before internet P. I'm having trouble remembering which started first, but I can trace them all back to before I was 10 I think. Perhaps I'm misremembering though.

As far as problems they present - inability to perform with a partner is top of the list, that's why I'm really, really motivated to lessen my reliance on them to reach O.

I would love to see that thread you created, but I couldn't find it, either.

 

Might have been deleted.
I do create alot of threads, lol