How much is porn to blame?

I would also suggest couples therapy too.

 

You wasted 4.5 years you need to give him a specific time frame to see progress or face the consequences of his inaction.

 

It's very simple to me if you love somebody you show if by actions not words.

 

Check out the Boundaries thread in reboot in relationships section

 

The other guys in these forums are not my biggest fans lol. Part of being an adult to me is being able to deal with feelings and emotions as well as knowing how to conmunicate effectively. Not being able to do these things to me illustrates a lack of maturity.

 

Then again as a single guy I'm like well you married them

 

If I come down hard on the guys I have to give the ladies a little crap too. Only fair.

 

I was actually trying too the last two posts were meant to lighten the mood but ok.

 

HI @TamiTee - I'm gonna jump in here, because this thread kinda went a specific direction and never seemed to get back to what you were directly asking.

we are all different and have different experiences. that being said, it is also shocking how much similarity there is with how this PMO beast works out in relationships. I would never negate or dismiss anyone's experience or feelings, however from my experience here there appears to be a clear set of "most frequently occurring behaviors." My personal experience does not fit the norm - I have a wife who is ok with sex maybe every 4-6 weeks, which isn't the norm. IMO @Drew140 s experience is also not typical. mine and his experiences are still true and valid - I just think if you extrapolate either of them you would miss the bulk of what people on NF have experienced.

I think the more frequent experience is what you are seeing. Please take time to read the journals of the SO's here - @Jolie, @Sadgirl, @Broken3 and many others are all women who like you actively want frequent sex with their spouse and the PA spouse lost significant interest. the reasons for "why" the PAs lose interest vary - many are embarrassed about the DE and other physical problems associated with overdoing PMO, for some it might be just laziness (as was pointed out above PMO is easier), But for most, IMO, it is not anything so specific. We still love our wives, we are attracted to them, as hard as it to believe and feel, most of us don't actually compare our wives to porn women (we know the porn is fake) - but our brains are just fucked up from the PMO.

when in the grip of PMO addiction, we literally don't think straight. the "fog" is a real thing. Read stories on yourbrianonporn.com and see how many guys say it's like coming out of a fog. it's true and weird. we also have exhausted a lot of sexual energy through MO. many guys will edge for hours - 2 would be a small number when time is available. it drains a guy. also we lead a double life - and that takes incredible amounts of emotional energy, we just don't have the energy to put up the façade in so intimate an activity as sex with our wife. and lastly the shame can be overwhelming - and in a semi-unconscious way many are just too ashamed to be intimate with their wives.

everyone's mileage will vary - but from my observation, various shades of the above form the basic experience of most people here.

So to specifically answer your question: YES - a PMO addiction will completely cause the symptoms you are seeing. As you have seen, it also is a bitch to get over, but it is possible. He needs to want to, though.

Sorry for all the pain this has caused you. Again, please read the journals of the SOs here. Also read some of the PAs journals too - many of them are amazingly self-aware and insightful. HTH

 

Excellent, considered summary phuck-porn.

 

Let me explain my situation a little further. I have medication induced ED caused by anti depressants. Long term use has side effects and ED is one of them. I've tried the little pills and they don't work. My main problem is holding erections. Research does indicate the exposure to porn can exacerbate ED. Am I hard core porn watcher? No. Can I go months without it and never miss it? yes. I'm doing the reboots as an experiment to see if I helps my ED. I'm not a request masturbater maybe 1-2 times a week but I figured it can't hurt to try NoFap as a way to make sex better for helping hold my erections longer. Hard core porn gives me the chills and I'm single and not in a relationship at the current time. It was a good time for me to try the reboot. When I relapsed have my erections been harder and longer? Yes so something is working.

 

Oh and I'm from the East Coast of the US. We use sarcasm here a lot. It's our second langauge. It's meant to be funny not mean.

 

Maybe this is why I understand you.
*speaking the language..

 

I get some really mean responses or people don't get I'm trying to lighten the mood.

 

I will tell you though 99 percent of all Jersey girls would never put up with this stuff from the guys.

 

Jersey girls are stoopid