How far can I push it with my wife?

It depends on your goals.

Personally, my only goal in ridding my life of PMO is to create more intimacy with my husband. So if I were in your shoes, I would say theres absolutely nothing wrong with what you're doing with your wife! Other than that, if you get aroused and don't have sex, you might find yourself more tempted later to alleviate your arousal on your own.

I think this is a very personal question that honestly only you can answer, because it depends on what you're wanting to get out of this.

 

I take it you mean no PMO - Hardmode, so no sex with your wife.

I'm going to attempt to tell you what I understand and hopefully you'll receive more advice from others too.

My husband is currently no PMO - Hardmode and is at Day 55.

We have wondered the same thing. Sometimes, even if we are just kissing and cuddling, he will get aroused (an erection) even if he's still fully clothed, not pressing himself against me and is not feeling like he needs or wants to take it any further. A few times he has also given me O through oral because he feels bad that I'm missing out and he has remained in control and has been no more aroused than if we were just kissing and cuddling.

Recently, we asked the same question just in case we shouldn't be doing this. We were advised that if he's getting aroused (as in an erection) that the arousal is quote "tantamount to edging and edging causes your brain to produce the chemical reactions that you are trying to refrain from for a period of time to recondition your brain"

So, we've decided to refrain from any physical contact that causes him to start getting aroused....just to be on the safe side. But lots of people probably view it differently. I hope this helps.

Best of luck and I wish you all the best with it!!

 

Congratulations on achieving 23 days of a reboot. It is no small feat. I personally did not do a hard mode reboot, and found much more comfort in my wife’s arms than I ever did through PMO abuse. There is something special about those make out sessions without expectations, and even just makes cuddling or mutual massages. I believe it is called oxytocin, the bonding chemical. This was crucial for me to continue on the path of sobriety, as I had a glimpse of what life could really be like without the constant drip of dopamine, and with true intimacy with my wife.
As other SOs have said, you need to ask yourself those questions probably after every session to understand if it is hurting or hindering you. You want to ask your wife if it is helping your relationship. It would be good to engage her on the topic to build your intimacy and trust. I’m glad you are mindful of the repercussions or affects of it, so perhaps with that knowledge and awareness you can overcome your addictive tendencies. If you relapse, it would certainly be time to revisit your strategy and make changes.

 

Anything that is driving you two toward each other is a good thing!

 

After I was discovered at the end of 2017 I went 8.5 months without an orgasm. Eventually a couple months in we did hug and make out. Blue balls was a big issue for me when we started getting physical. But once I figured out how to calm that down it was much better. It felt awesome to show her that I wasn't an animal and I gained a lot of confidence in my self control. Way to go looks like you are at 41 days now!