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How do you announce to your GF that you want to PMO for months ?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by JusteArthur, Oct 6, 2022.

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  1. Oct 6, 2022 #1
    JusteArthur

    JusteArthur Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    I'm beginning a PMO reboot for 90 days, which includes not having sex with my girlfriend.

    She's aware of my porn addiction, she is also suffering a lot from it which is one of the reasons why I'm trying to do this.

    However other than the fact that every human being simply has sexual needs, she is also attached to our sexual relationship as it is for her a way to connect with me (and for me as well of course when I can put my mind into it).

    How would you guys approach having a conversation about that with her... ??

    Kind of lost to be honest I don't really know where to start.

    On the other hand I'd like her to take me seriously this time as she's getting really tired of the suffering due to this addiction and starting a full hard mode reboot could make her see that I'm trying to take that as seriously as I can.

    Stay hard fam !
     
    JusteArthur, Oct 6, 2022
    JusteArthur, Oct 6, 2022
    #1
  2. Oct 7, 2022 #2
    hope4healing

    hope4healing NoFap Moderator
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    If she already knows about your addiction and is hurting because of it, I think the best way to approach it is simple and straight-forward. Tell her that you know your addiction is damaging to your relationship and causing her harm, and you are serious about working to fix all of that. Explain to her the steps that you think will be most helpful for your recovery, and acknowledge that you are aware that this process is going to affect her, too. Although there are going to be difficult times for both of you, the end result is what you're working towards. Recovery work isn't a fun, comfortable, or joyful experience most of the time, BUT true, lasting recovery is worth it.

    I understand why hard mode seems very unappealing. It feels like so much to sacrifice, but you have to look at the big picture. If giving up sex for 90 days will help you be successful in your life-long recovery, isn't that worth it? Besides, not having sex does not mean not having intimacy. There are many ways to strengthen intimacy while not having sex.
     
    hope4healing, Oct 7, 2022
    hope4healing, Oct 7, 2022
    #2
    JusteArthur and again like this.
  3. Oct 8, 2022 #3
    ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Set aside time in a quiet place. Explain it as something you would really like to do for the relationship. Expect her to be upset, but stay calm. Listen and understand her feeling. Avoid getting defensive. Ask her for ways that you can non-sexually show intimacy and affection for her. (Know what her love languages are and trying to show those). In the end, know that you are doing this for you, first, and it’s okay to be selfish in this. Just try to bring her along with you, gently and lovingly.

    Very important: if you slip or struggle during this period, be honest with her. If she thinks you’re doing a 90-day reboot and you get to 90 days and you’ve slipped, but she didn’t know about it, it will likely hurt her more.
     
    ANewFocus, Oct 8, 2022
    ANewFocus, Oct 8, 2022
    #3
    JusteArthur and hope4healing like this.
  4. Oct 8, 2022 #4
    Deleted Account

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    Porn is bad, just don't watch porn and jack off. If you love you're GF then have sex. If you're really anti-sex just fuck when she wants to fuck. That's how I'd play it.
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 8, 2022
    Deleted Account, Oct 8, 2022
    #4
    stepitup and Intothesun like this.
  5. Oct 8, 2022 #5
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    Make sense to me
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 8, 2022
    Deleted Account, Oct 8, 2022
    #5
  6. Oct 9, 2022 #6
    hope4healing

    hope4healing NoFap Moderator
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    For someone who's addicted to P, it isn't as simple as "just don't" do it. If he could easily choose to just not do it, he wouldn't be an addict, and he wouldn't be here seeking support. He wants recovery and is asking how to talk to his SO about it.

    PA recovery doesn't depend on whether you love your SO or whether you have sex or not. And, he never said he was anti-sex. Doing a hard mode reboot is what many choose to do to begin their recovery process. It doesn't mean they don't want to have sex.
     
    hope4healing, Oct 9, 2022
    hope4healing, Oct 9, 2022
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    onceaking likes this.
  7. Oct 9, 2022 #7
    Deleted Account

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    I either misread it, or confused it with another post, my apologies.
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 9, 2022
    Deleted Account, Oct 9, 2022
    #7
  8. Oct 10, 2022 #8
    OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Sit her down and get her to watch this video with you.

     
    OhWhenThe, Oct 10, 2022
    OhWhenThe, Oct 10, 2022
    #8
    TakingTheSteps likes this.
  9. Oct 16, 2022 #9
    Deleted Account

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    Tbh, if you are dating someone who isn't willing to go through this journey with you in the way you need in order to be free from this addiction, then maybe they just aren't the right person, or this isn't the right time to be dating.

    Whatever way you approach the conversation is fine. How she chooses to respond isn't up to you. Hopefully she will be supportive, but if not, you need to prioritize.

    I would, of course, also suggest to stop having sex with someone you aren't married to as well, since that causes a whole world of issues. But you probably won't take that advice, so I'll just leave it at that.
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 16, 2022
    Deleted Account, Oct 16, 2022
    #9

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