Honestly annoyed I even signed up for this

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Ohokayfine, Sep 18, 2018.

  1. Ohokayfine

    Ohokayfine New Fapstronaut

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    im so sick of this being the focus of everything. Him being the focus of everything. “Just be the support he needs to get better” screw that. I’m sick of it. I don’t want to support him I’m sick of a relationship that goes one way. I get nothing and give everything, yet somehow still feel responsible for what happens to him if I leave.
     
  2. monkeyseemonkeydo

    monkeyseemonkeydo Fapstronaut

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    Let me start with saying, you are never responsible for someone else's happiness unless you have been bound by marriage. With that said however, perseverance, resilience, and patience (I chose those words carefully), are what I believe are keys to a happy relationship.

    I had the privilege of working with ladies that were 40+ years my age in a hospital. Being the only guy, they gave me a lot of advice about relationships and they all agreed that the #1 key to a successful relationship (above what I just listed) is hearing (not just listening) to your spouse.

    You might be thinking that I'm saying YOU have to hear your spouses problems through, but I'm thinking you're probably the only one doing that in your relationship. Your significant other (SO) seems like he needs to step up and hear your concerns and how frustrated you are with him. This journey you have attempted on helping him with affects both parties.

    I'm terribly sorry you're going through this and on behalf of your boyfriend (a porn addict like me) I want to say sorry as well. I have done terrible things to my girlfriend and it wasn't until I started understanding how much my problem affected her, that I began making changes. I wish you the best.

    Here are some resources that have helped me recently:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/i-shared-with-a-human.194317/#post-1673183


    These are some videos that your boyfriend maybe need to watch:


     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2018
    HonestyMatters and anxietywife like this.
  3. Trappist

    Trappist Fapstronaut

    As you should.

    Keep reading and posting.
    Do read for ways that
    the very Significant Others,
    as yourself,
    find ways to support themselves.

    Self care, giving yourself the care,
    love and attention that you need.
    Setting boundaries for others around you.

    Treat yourself as if you
    were a friend of yours
    who is in need.

    It’s not your job to fix the PA.
    Martyrdumb may best
    be spelled this way.

    It’s a hard road, but your feelings
    may be a part ‘guide’ for you
    to open your eyes
    to things you need to do.

    Read the long time and current
    journals of SOs here.
     
  4. DesperateHousewife7

    DesperateHousewife7 Fapstronaut

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    I am sorry, baby girl. I know exactly how you feel. My whole 7 year marriage has revolved around his bad choices while I just poured all the effort and love I had into making it be the best it could be. All while he worked to destroy it... it's so exhausting and I don't want any part of it anymore but it's only the beginning.
     
    monkeyseemonkeydo likes this.
  5. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

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    I know how you feel. I kind of vascilate between numb distance to optimistic support. It does suck to be in this mess. We didn’t sign up for it. I have three kids with my PA otherwise I would have left. He is showing progress but it’s hard to trust that this will be consistent and I never imagined being yoked to an addict. It’s echausung and I abhor lies. On one hand I think forgiveness is good and shows strength but sometimes I wonder what kind of person this situation is eroding me into.
     
    DesperateHousewife7 likes this.
  6. DesperateHousewife7

    DesperateHousewife7 Fapstronaut

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    I’m 100% on the same page as you. Well put. Sometimes I can convince myself to be supportive and work on making the marriage better but it doesn’t take long before the real feelings inside me catch up and I want nothing to do with any of it.
     

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